Alienation from all family and friends
I've decided to post in this thread as my wife and I really have nobody else to turn to.
I went into a depressive, recluse state over the last year, of which resulted in me deleting social media (and subsequently losing all of my friends due to this - what an amazing time we live in!). My wife was my full support system throughout this time, despite the fact that she suffers from multiple illnesses, one of which being bipolar disorder. She could see the warning signs and approached my "best friend" to communicate with me as nobody else would. Her messages to him were of a great concern, as I've seen them since. He then came into my workplace, tried to convince me to divorce her, and then days later couldn't understand why I was upset and wouldn't acknowledge that he'd done anything wrong. This same friend had my support throughout a LOT of questionable decisions and his own battles (to which I constantly rushed to his aide), but he showed no concern when I was battling depression. I've not spoken to him for four months and don't intend to, yet in this time, he appears to have convinced every one of our mutual friends that we're in the wrong and bad people. We've stayed completely silent as we don't want any part of rumours and nonsense. Also in this time, I recovered thanks to my wife's support, and have since left my job to help tend to her and help care for her. Since doing this, I've lost all of my friends (to which I believe deleting social media is a big part). My family and my wife's family exclude both my wife and I, and we could honestly be dead in our home and nobody would notice. Please know that we don't intentionally alienate our families. Quite the contrary. We visit them all around once a week. In the last 6 months, we have also adopted a more minimalistic approach to life and have given a lot of our possessions to our nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters, etc. We've also told them to not feel bad if they don't want them, and to just donate them to the Salvation Army, of which we also do very frequently. We also support our local dog's home and make up care packages for them. My point is, I don't think we're bad people. But we live within 10km of all of our family (I can see my brother's house from where we live), yet people only ever contact us if they need anything. No phone calls. No popping-in. Nothing. My wife's birthday is this week, and nobody even knows. I'm exhausted of putting in the effort with people. Any thoughts?
Hi frank, welcome
As adults we tend to forget that srlf preservation is a learned skill. If we dont learn it then we are opening ourselves up to hurt and thsts what has happened.
Part of this self preservation is
- to keep your distance from family and friends so its less routine and more pleasurable when you meet.
- make your partner your primary life.
- cut out toxic people, whoever they are.
This is all mentioned in the gollowing thread
Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue
If Facebook is the SM you are referring to, that happened to me a few years back. After 5 months I realised that although it shouldnt be...thats life, people rely on fb to connect now. You can reactivate fb and just use it to communicate with close people. Trim your friends way down. It now works for me because I took control.
I'm bipolar and depression, my wife has depression. Its a balancing act. Control your life, reduce contact with everyone outside your marriage and beware of the unqualified psychs out there.
Topic: they just wont understand, why?- beyondblue
Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue
Topic: 30 minutes can change your life - beyondblue
Topic: men isolated- beyondblue
I hope you feel comfortable here. We try to answer as many of your questions as possible. So feel free to ask questions on those threads or here.
Thete are thousands of threads on here.
Hello Fw they call me blues here,I just got of a thread about having no friends and being feeling alone or abandoned by those who you would least expect ,considering your life style change and the time frame ,I would say its early day"s very early ,considering my own story where I have just been reunited with siblings after 20
Sounds like what you do have is your wife so I would be greatfull for that ,your mate well maybe that friendship is over or
Give it time mate and just see what happens if deleting social media has had that effect maybe they need ,d to be cut free maybe you have cut your