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Alienation from all family and friends

FrankWhite
Community Member

Hi there.

I've decided to post in this thread as my wife and I really have nobody else to turn to.

I went into a depressive, recluse state over the last year, of which resulted in me deleting social media (and subsequently losing all of my friends due to this - what an amazing time we live in!). My wife was my full support system throughout this time, despite the fact that she suffers from multiple illnesses, one of which being bipolar disorder. She could see the warning signs and approached my "best friend" to communicate with me as nobody else would. Her messages to him were of a great concern, as I've seen them since. He then came into my workplace, tried to convince me to divorce her, and then days later couldn't understand why I was upset and wouldn't acknowledge that he'd done anything wrong. This same friend had my support throughout a LOT of questionable decisions and his own battles (to which I constantly rushed to his aide), but he showed no concern when I was battling depression. I've not spoken to him for four months and don't intend to, yet in this time, he appears to have convinced every one of our mutual friends that we're in the wrong and bad people. We've stayed completely silent as we don't want any part of rumours and nonsense. Also in this time, I recovered thanks to my wife's support, and have since left my job to help tend to her and help care for her. Since doing this, I've lost all of my friends (to which I believe deleting social media is a big part). My family and my wife's family exclude both my wife and I, and we could honestly be dead in our home and nobody would notice. Please know that we don't intentionally alienate our families. Quite the contrary. We visit them all around once a week. In the last 6 months, we have also adopted a more minimalistic approach to life and have given a lot of our possessions to our nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters, etc. We've also told them to not feel bad if they don't want them, and to just donate them to the Salvation Army, of which we also do very frequently. We also support our local dog's home and make up care packages for them. My point is, I don't think we're bad people. But we live within 10km of all of our family (I can see my brother's house from where we live), yet people only ever contact us if they need anything. No phone calls. No popping-in. Nothing. My wife's birthday is this week, and nobody even knows. I'm exhausted of putting in the effort with people. Any thoughts?

5 Replies 5

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi frank, welcome

As adults we tend to forget that srlf preservation is a learned skill. If we dont learn it then we are opening ourselves up to hurt and thsts what has happened.

Part of this self preservation is

- to keep your distance from family and friends so its less routine and more pleasurable when you meet.

- make your partner your primary life.

- cut out toxic people, whoever they are.

This is all mentioned in the gollowing thread

Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue

Use google

If Facebook is the SM you are referring to, that happened to me a few years back. After 5 months I realised that although it shouldnt be...thats life, people rely on fb to connect now. You can reactivate fb and just use it to communicate with close people. Trim your friends way down. It now works for me because I took control.

I'm bipolar and depression, my wife has depression. Its a balancing act. Control your life, reduce contact with everyone outside your marriage and beware of the unqualified psychs out there.

Topic: they just wont understand, why?- beyondblue

Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue

Topic: 30 minutes can change your life - beyondblue

Topic: men isolated- beyondblue

I hope you feel comfortable here. We try to answer as many of your questions as possible. So feel free to ask questions on those threads or here.

Tony WK

Thete are thousands of threads on here.

Thanks for your support. I feel very welcome. Thank you.

singing_the_blues
Community Member

Hello Fw they call me blues here,I just got of a thread about having no friends and being feeling alone or abandoned by those who you would least expect ,considering your life style change and the time frame ,I would say its early day"s very early ,considering my own story where I have just been reunited with siblings after 20 yrs ,on social media well I have one friend on face book who ill never know in person ,I can see its great for families to keep in touch but it causes alot of problems as well ,just watching my nice`s and there way's of doing life ,yes what an amasing time we live in sounds like your people have gotten some FAKE NEWS ,maybe or just don't get the whole mh stuff ,I know mine don,t and it leaves you hanging out there a bit ,

Sounds like what you do have is your wife so I would be greatfull for that ,your mate well maybe that friendship is over or changing ,considering you have changed by no choice of your own ,it might be just that and lets face it most people dont like change ,unless they really want it ,freinds come and go ,I believe my own situation ie depression like major every day relentless ,has a lot to do with no life partner and lack of support from loved one's so I would be focusing on her she's try'd and true and just let them who do come arround in there own time ,so thats all I can say keep doing the good things you do if it makes you feel good .I was reunited with my family because our mother had passed away our family was blown apart by suicide and alcoholism ,as I stood at the grave side watching them all ,thinking where were you when she need'd you all dressed up pleanty of money splashed on the funeral ,i wore a pair of jeans cut off with sissors and a t shirt black jacket ,to carry her coffin hypocrites ,there my blood but they dont get it I did't go up for christmas I volunteered as i have the last few years ,but my sister and I are patching things up or is it just because her husband just left her and there dioviced now who knows ,.

Give it time mate and just see what happens if deleting social media has had that effect maybe they need ,d to be cut free maybe you have cut your self free from that phony way of pretending to care,as long as they dont have to get off the couch ,just give it time you and your wife just be as happy as you can be ,alot of us have no support at all with love as the glue yeah ,goodluck

Thanks Blues. I appreciate your advice. Better late than never! Hope you're well.

FW,

welcome back.

I have just read your first post and was just wondering how you have been in the last 6months if you want to share.

It is sad when one feels alienated even from ones family.

If you feel like it, maybe you can tell us how you are going?

Quirky