Affairs

[Danni4]

My husband had sex with someone else before we got married. He also drank a lot.

He became infatuated with someone younger than me and so I went and did the same thing. I became intimate with this man and then the man called it off. My husband new things weren't right and got us into counselling.

We then had kids. He got drunk and held my head almost to the floor twice.

He then had that same lady work for him lost interest in me and I again met someone else. That didn't work out for me. I sought counselling. He found out about the other men. He tried to kill himself. I felt I had to stay with him.

I found someone new and was going to leave. That person didn't work out but my parents helped me leave. I had a breakdown. He told everyone and the kids are suffering because people don't want to be around me.

I have a new relationship and am very happy. I worry a lot.

[CMF]

Hi Danni and welcome,

Thank you for sharing your story, there has certainly been a lot happening in your life. I'm sorry to hear of what has occurred and I am glad you have your family to help get you out of a situation that was so toxic. We know 2 wrongs don't make a right but it seems your it was ok for your husband to fool around and even have the nerve to employ the woman he slept with, but when you do the same he doesn't like it. Double standards. I'm thinking things did not work out with the first 2 men because the situation was not right, you were acting out of hurt and as a 'payback'.

He has told everyone about you, but what about his indiscretions? Has he told them about that? I'm guessing no.

I am happy for you that you have found a new relationship and are happy, hopefully with someone who cares and respects you.

What do you worry about?

Wishing you the best.

cmf

[Danni4]

Thanks so very much for your reply. It helped me a great deal.

I worry about my kids future because of what I have done.

I worry that he will eventually get my kids to turn against me.

I worry that no one will ever believe anything I say. I'm tired of being treated differently now and having to always be wary of who I confide in.

I worry that I don't have enough money to buy all the things that I want my kids to have.

I am very grateful to have my wonderful children but I wish I didn't believe his lies when we first started going out and thus had not married him.

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi Danni4, it sounds like it was for the best that things ended with your ex. I think you should be thankful you ended the relationship sooner than later - many people stay their entire lives in an unhappy marriage, so in a way it's a blessing you ended it. It sounds like you have a lot of worries about things in the future that you have no control over - accepting that you don't have control over these worries may help you. Sometimes I imagine my fears/worries to be clouds passing over me, I can't do anything about them, but they do pass. I think talking to a psychologist/counsellor will really help you in dealing with your feelings - it sounds like you've been through a lot with this man. You deserve lots of support! It will get better in time, I promise.

[geoff]

hello Danni, you needed to leave your husband and as CMF has said '2 wrongs don't make a right' and perhaps as he was physically abusive and consumed a large quantity of alcohol then that would give you the reason to leave him, anyway it's still happened and that's good, and remember there is every chance he will continually be doing this for a long time to come.
Your kids will realise what he's like and will be safe with you, because you and your new man are happy, that's what we like. Geoff.