affair depressed

[Bunny_blue]

I think I'm slipping into an affair with a narried man online, and I do not know how to stop it or if I want to. I love my husband, but the sparks I feel for this other man has made me dizzy. We have not met but talking about it a lot. now I'm just depressed and anxious and guilty and paranoid but so excited, I don't want to throw away 10 years of marriage for a fling, but I do not think I can resist.

[JessF]

Hello Bunny blue, sometimes it can be helpful to let out 'forbidden feelings' as a way of robbing them of their power. Has that been helpful for you to do in here?

I am not in your shoes, of course, but I hear you when you say you don't want to throw away 10 years of marriage for a fling. But I do get lost a bit when you say you don't think you can resist. As this is an online affair with someone you have never met in person, you have many opportunities to break the chain. It can be hard to resist one's urges when something is right in front of you, but going through with this will require you to make a series of decisions to cheat on your husband with someone who will also be cheating on his wife.

At what point is it your resistance, and at what point is it your purposeful choice? Something to think about.

[quirkywords]

Hello Bunny blue,

welcome to the forum and thanks for being honest and revealing your feelings and your reservations.

An affair is a big step , and requires choices and much decision making.

Is it worth risking a ten year marriage for a fling?

Do you know if this man is just after a flin g and not a relationship?

I am not sure if children are involved but at least two other people will have their lives changed forever.

You have not met this man so if you wanted to you could end it now,

From my experience an affair can have consequences that you may feel for decades and the people you will hurt will fill you with so much guilt you cannot imagine. This is only my experience.

I can tell you are torn but is there anyway you can work on your. marriage. I assume your husband is a good man .It can be easy to feel dizzy and excited by someone who has time to chat to you. you don't know this man apart from what he has told you, maybe he does this regularly , you really don't know much about him.

THese are just my thoughts and you may have very different views but I do worry for you.

Bunny blue you have a lot to lose and to think about. Feel free to post as much as you like.

Quirky

[geoff]

HelloBunny blue and welcome to the site.

This man who you are in contact with online is a person sitting on his computer trying to entice any female to fall for him, making comments that you would love to hear and saying what you want to hear.

He has picked up what you have said and gone with the flow, whatever you say you want to do, then that's exactly what he wants to do, how you feel in life then that's how he feels, so he's agreeing with you and knows what's been said that he can go to that extra step.

I know you're excited but it will cause problems in your marriage and I wonder how many others he has trapped before you.

I'm sorry but I've been conned before, not in a relationship, but when it comes to money, there is no difference.

Please concentrate on getting help with your marriage, go away on a private holiday.

Geoff.

[Brunswick]

Dear BunnyBlue, I wonder if the problem might not be closer to home and that you need an adventure. It's not unusual for married life to be uninspiring. No one is doing anything wrong but we're all so busy that there's no fun and romance anymore. Wasn't that why we got married in the first place?

I'm not in the same position as you, contemplating an affair. But I do have the desire to have one running in my head everytime I feel like this.

We need to find ways to reignite our relationship with our loved ones. This can be difficult if they are happy the way things are. But it's worth the effort. I'm not sure how you can do this but you need to let your husband know you need romance still. Perhaps other members may have some suggestions...

[justaburden]

I understand how exciting it can seem. And how it must make you feel. But take it from someone who did a similar thing once upon a time. I was also married and although I know the reasons I did it, and my husband was an abusive violent man, it has plagued me morally for the rest of my life. I never got caught and there were never any repercussions, and it was exciting and made me feel incredibly desirable at the time, but in hindsight, I wouldnt and havent ever cheated since. and that is over 30 years ago. You just cant undo something like that.