Advice on my insecurities

[GemAndLogan]

Hi everyone, I need some advice.

I feel silly writing because it seems trivial and stupid but I need to address it anyway.

I've been in my relationship for 6 months- everything is perfect and I am so happy

My previous relationship was traumatic,physically and mentally abusive and full of lies and betrayal. He cheated more times than i even know about. It ended almost a year ago

I have insecurities from my previous relationship, I trust my partner and he has never done anything to make me question him but sometimes I'm suspicious about his phone, it's so stupid but sometimes i obsess about who he might be talking to.

I've been tempted to check his phone but I never do because I know that's not ok.

It's not healthy and I know it's completely my insecurities from my previous relationship that cause it but I don't know how to deal with it. My partner is supportive and has never done anything to make me not trust him.

I want to know how to move on and let go of these demons because I really don't want them to get in the way of my relationship. I don't want to be that person

Any advice would be great

Gem

[white knight]

Hi Gem, welcome

It is hard to move on fully. It's only been one year and you haven't been with this new fellow for long either, memories are fresh.

My wife of 7 years and myself were mistreated by our ex's, that were actually brother and sister. That family had traits of verbal abuse. When we got together we made a pact that we would never copy such behavior against one another. Thankfully we haven't.

This requires a lot of trust and faith. For example I love fashion, well dressed people I will comment on, even if its a well dressed younger woman. My wife knows I love fashion and will comment also. She allows me to be myself, not get jealous etc. She does the same by the way. It's a free but trusting relationship and I think you will get there with this new boyfriend you have.

IMO there are certain things , work you have to do to maintain a relationship. Giving is often one thing that drops off after a while. Give him praise for being faithful and loving, a gift, etc. Only visit the suspicion factor if there is a change of behavior.

All the best

TonyWK

[GemAndLogan]

Hi Tony,

Thank you so much for your advice, I will definitely take everything on board. I definitely need to give myself more time and my partner deserves my trust, I'll make the effort to know how much I appreciate his support.

I loved reading about your experiences and what works with your wife, my partners previous relationship also ended due to his ex cheating on him for a long period of time without his knowledge, so he understands what I'm going through.

I realise I'm still healing from the past, your advice gives me hope that I'll get there

Thank you so much

Gem

[blondguy]

Hi Gem

Tony is spot on with his advice above

You mentioned that 'everything is perfect and you are so happy' After what you have recently been through its only human to have these feelings as you are still recovering from the pain you experienced.

Sometimes people/couples see a therapist because they are so worried that 'something' must be wrong when in fact everything is just fine. You are not one of these people

Let your beautiful relationship blossom just as it is and enjoy the ride..........You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by doing so 🙂

Thankyou for being a part of the forum family too Gem

My Kind Thoughts

Paul

[GemAndLogan]

Hi Paul,

Thank you so much for replying and for your encouraging words

I've got nothing to lose- that's an amazing way to look at things, I hadn't thought of it that way even though it's so true.

Thinking of it that way makes me excited for the future

Thank you so much again, that's the best thing about this forum- others help you see things from a different perspective and it really does help

Thanks again

Gem

Gem

[blondguy]

Thankyou Gem for the super kind post 🙂

You are very welcome

You are not alone here...ever

My Kind thoughts for you both

Paul