Advice on my 12 year old girl who is being bullied....

[Busymum]

I don't know if this is even the right place on the forum to be posting this but I really need some advice. My 12 year old girl is probably at the mental capacity of 10.5 both socially and academically. She has a mixed diagnosis of anxiety, speech delay (understanding and processing) and probably a few other things going on. She appears normal and people don't really pick up on it.

I'd describe her as socially awkward she talks too much and out of context. She can't really read social cues either so when kids are kind of indicating they want her to be quiet she doesn't get it. I would say that most kids her age find her "annoying". She has never said one nasty or mean thing to anyone and probably tires too hard (buying presents etc for people) so they like her.

She loves dancing and acting and is in a competition group for dancing. The girls are awful and she comes out crying asking "why don't they want me". I am trying to so hard to teach her resilience rather than pull her out of the activity all together but its so hard and I'm finding it difficult to balance between "teaching resilience and looking after her mental health". The group of 5 girls literally walked away from her when she sat down with them saying "lets go" then left her by herself.

I suffer anxiety, I was also bullied and I don't want her feeling this way - its awful

Advice would be appreciated. I've told her that she doesn't have to continue in the competition class, but the thing is to be asked to be a part of this small group in this dance school was such a happy achievement for her.....

[Mudcakes]

Omg. I have the same problems as she does, I have a disorder called NVLD. If she has no diagnoses of anything please search that up. I was treated the same all through school. When I was 12 it was a small school and I was new so all the friendship groups were full and I felt the same. Me now at 16 still feel isolated having the same problems your daughter does. I was majorly bullied in year 7 too, severely. Honestly, if the teachers do nothing. Move schools. Find her a place where she feels like she belongs. It may take a while but it will happen. Teachers will always ask her “what did they say to you?” Sometimes bullying isn’t just saying something. I know because even just a stare is as hurtful as words. Please keep us updated. Kids helpline would be great for her, people to talk to. 💖

Mudcakes 🐕‍🦺🎂

[Busymum]

Thank you mudcakes for your reply. Its been really helpful. I'm worried that moving schools won't make a difference and that she would just keep getting bullied somewhere else.....did you ever change? did it make a difference?

I didn't even think of kids helpline - thats a great idea - I will tell her to ring in the morning.

[Busymum]

Now I'm really worried. My 12 year old just told me that the only 2 friends she feels like she has are now starting to pull away. When this happens she doesn't really understand social cues and I see her trying even harder and then they just think she is weird.

She just told me that she feels like she has no purpose on this earth and the only reason she is staying on it is to make me happy......I asked her what she enjoys and she says she enjoys being on stage (she loves acting/performing) but doesn't enjoy the training because of the girls who bully her.

I told her that she needed to tell me if she was going to hurt herself and not to be worried about telling me, she said she wasn't going to do that. She sees a psychologist in 2 weeks, should I wait that long? and what should I say to her since she is actually talking to me about it all. Its too important to say the wrong thing....

[Sophie_M]

Hey Busymum,

Thank you so much for keeping the community updated on how you've been going. We are so sorry to hear about what your daughter is going through - we understand that this has left you feeling really worried and upset. It sounds like you are an incredibly caring parent, and we can hear how much love you have for her. Please know that you are not alone in this, and help is always available for you both through this difficult time. 

We think it might be really helpful to reach out to the kind and understanding counsellors at Parentline, who can provide support and advice to help you and your daughter. You can reach out one of the numbers at the bottom of this page- dependent on which state or territory you live in: https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you

Please also know that our Beyond Blue Support Service is available to you anytime, 24/7, on 1300 22 4636 or you can also get in touch with us on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport The friendly counsellors are always here for you to offer extra support and advice during difficult moments like these.

Our community are here for you Busymum, and we hope that you keep updating us on how you're going, whenever you feel ready to.

[Busymum]

Thank you. I did read your post and it did help. I've just spent the last few weeks putting things into action to help my daughter. She has a psychologist she sees regularly (once a fortnight) so I've informed her of my daughters comments. I've also contacted the teachers regarding the bullying so I'm hoping that more is noticed regarding that. I've told her about the kids help line - she doesn't want to ring but I'm trying to convince her otherwise but of course without making a big deal about it all.

[Mudcakes]

Kids helpline also do web chat if she feels more comfortable💖