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A married guy cheated on me ,should I tell his wife about his truth ?

Jandan
Community Member

I am 22ywars old international student studying here ,I met a person online on a dating site .actualy he was 42 years old but doesn't look that old in person .for some reason I fell in love with him it was an incredible feeling he used to care about me a lot n the love he has given to me is something I felt on top of the world .he loved me a way that I can't explain .but he never called me after 6.30 pm and even in the morning he used to text me while he was on the way to work .after I got suspicious I started searching about him I found out his a married guy ... once I asked him about this he said that he wanted to tell me the truth but he didn't feel like breaking my heart as he is getting divorced soon which was a big lie ,,he pretended to me that he is having a bad family life and he is getting divorced from his wife which was a big lie ,,, he is a happily married man to his wife and to all his relatives .. he just used me and I can't come over how he has played with me .. it's nearly been an year but still I keep thinking of him and all this year I tried to find his wife's number and now I have found it .I have been crying for all nights till now .i can't concentrate on my studies well .. I always wanted to tell his wife about her husbands truth but is it a good idea ? If she is really happy thinking she got a good husband would that be a bad thing to tell about his real side and see another women crying like me for the rest of her life ?

please can some one give me some advice on this

4 Replies 4

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi jandan, welcome

Under no circumstances would I communicate with this mans wife.

Try to move on. But spare this woman trauma..

Thats my opinion.

Good luck for your future

Tony WK

Starwolf
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Jandan,

Yours is unfortunately a common story with the same usual excuses for cheating thrown into it. I am sorry you had to be at the receiving end of lies and deceit. Being played is no good feeling but it happens to many of us. There are many predators in the human jungle.

I know you have been hurt but you owe it to yourself to move on. Truth has a tendency to make itself known. Sooner or later this man's game will be revealed. Women are usually perceptive. His wife will sooner or later figure it out or he may become complacent and throw caution out the window. But it no longer concerns you. Please let what is happening between this couple be their story and trust that what will be will be.

You are the priority. Take good care of yourself and keep your armour on. You deserve much better than hanging on to a negative past. Sooner or later, someone you can trust will cross your path.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

hiJandan, I tend to agree with Tony and Starwolf, eventually his wife will find out someway or another, even though you feel you should let her know, but then she or even he may want to retaliate against you, causing you more stress and anxiety than has already been done.
You weren't to know at the beginning, but then you began to think that he could be married, and I wonder how many married men say that they are getting a divorce.

If he has any children then they are very perspective as to what's going on.
We can't only blame the men because they need someone to have an affair with, and sometimes the women are just as much to blame as the men, it's a two-way street. Geoff.

Hope_for_the_best
Community Member

I hope you are feeling better now, Jandan. As others pointed out, it is more important that you focus on your well-being rather than this upsetting past relationship. Particularly, you are an international student studying here and your family are certainly working very hard to support you. It is expensive to study here as an international student, so please treasure this opportunity and not let yourself down. You are still young and I am sure you will meet a good guy that truly loves you one day.

I understand it is difficult not to be overwhelmed by emotions, but try to think rationally. What would you achieve if you contacted this man's wife? Yes, you may let her aware that her husband is bad, but then you get yourself involved in their family's issues, which ultimately put yourself into more distress. The outcome is unlikely making you better.

It is concerning that you let the sadness affecting your studies for nearly a year. Please talk to your school counselor to get yourself back on track.