Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Chaney Sexual anxiety
  • replies: 4

I am at a stage where even having my husbands hand on by bottom or waist in bed gives me anxiety to a point of having to get out of bed and walk around a bit to calm down. There has been a long history of emotional abuse including him telling me I am... View more

I am at a stage where even having my husbands hand on by bottom or waist in bed gives me anxiety to a point of having to get out of bed and walk around a bit to calm down. There has been a long history of emotional abuse including him telling me I am boring in bed and I should let him do things he likes sexually even if they make me uncomfortable. At times he has even enforced this. We have three beautiful children together but the fact he lies about anything from who he is meeting down the pub to how much money he has won has taken its toll on my trust and I pretty much feel unloved and uncared for. I have made excuses for him in the past as I know the lying is something he does to everyone not just me. I have lived the past 10 years like this for the sake of the kids and keeping the family together but feel that this latest bout of anxiety may be my subconscious letting me know it's time to start putting me first. I know if I leave the children would choose to come with me as they too have a few issues with his behaviour and leaving him alone with nothing (one of my daughters would probably not stay with him at all if we seperate) I have been on anxiety medication for around 6 months but don't want this to be a forever fix. Any advice on how to move on and not feel so selfish for abandoning him and the marriage?

Rob3 Dealing With Someone Elses Depression As Well As Dealing With Your Own
  • replies: 2

It's been almost a month since my first post, and things have seen have to taken somewhat a backwards step. I have recently moved house with and I have gone back to living my mother, who also suffering with a more severe mental illness. It is taking ... View more

It's been almost a month since my first post, and things have seen have to taken somewhat a backwards step. I have recently moved house with and I have gone back to living my mother, who also suffering with a more severe mental illness. It is taking a massive toll on me, all my hopes and aspirations have seem to have taken a back seat and life seems to be passing me by. When she gets something in her head and makes a mountain out of a molehill, it just gets me fired up because I've got enough on my plate as it is. I just get fed up so quickly. Something I've been been keeping lid on it, and I feel I''m regressing

wolfee81 35 - SAD & LONELY
  • replies: 3

Looking for advice - I'm finding myself feeling very dissatisfied with my life as it stands - no girlfriend - a job that is always one step from ending and because of this, I am never able to get ahead - live at home with parents to save money - all ... View more

Looking for advice - I'm finding myself feeling very dissatisfied with my life as it stands - no girlfriend - a job that is always one step from ending and because of this, I am never able to get ahead - live at home with parents to save money - all my friends I had are gone and my job prevents a social life (day starts @ 3am so not able to stay up all night) I am also a very shy guy when I am around women I don't know which makes it very difficult to get to know girls when I meet them. I have been diagnosed with depression but due to side effects of meds I have been off them for over 2 years. I find myself feeling very angry a lot of the time and not wanting to be around people and that little things are setting me off. I also am lot sleeping well and that contributes to my mood. I don't want to go back on meds as they leave me feeling really flat and dazed. I look around a see people happy and setting up their lives and mine just feels like it is slowly dying and so is my love for life. ANY ADVICE??

Ariel_84 Seperated & confused
  • replies: 3

I have recently seperated from my husband.. manipulative mother inlaw who did everything in her power to destroy my marriage & won.. she was toxic for my 4 year old daughter & manipulated her any chance she could.. husband is a mummys boy.. he never ... View more

I have recently seperated from my husband.. manipulative mother inlaw who did everything in her power to destroy my marriage & won.. she was toxic for my 4 year old daughter & manipulated her any chance she could.. husband is a mummys boy.. he never defended my daughter or I & let us both be emotionally, verbally & psychologically abused by her.. he ignored it & made excuses for her.. the problem is that he did the same to my daughter & I.. we also have a 7 month baby.. husband left the home a few days ago.. ignored all responsibilities & doesn't seem to care for anyone but his mother.. My daughter is very angry at her dad & doesn't ever want to see her dad again. He phoned me earlier & she started screaming for me to get off the phone to him & tell him to stay away.. He is as toxic as his mother.. I know that he is my daughters father but he has never really been involved in her life.. he's a tv dad as she calls him.. he's never given me much support.. I feel like I've been a single mum for years doing everything myself.. I've always been strong willed & I've managed.. but now I'm really hurting.. I know everything will be ok & I'll enjoy my life with my girls.. I think I'm afraid to do it on my own.. or maybe I'm just having a bad day!

Goldie_Horn not sure if I'm depressed or having a reality check
  • replies: 4

Hi , where do i start, first of all thanks for having me. Im at a crossroad atm , I'm not sure if i have had a reality check regarding my Partner & my future or if I'm slipping into a depression. I have been with my Partner for almost 5 yrs, we do no... View more

Hi , where do i start, first of all thanks for having me. Im at a crossroad atm , I'm not sure if i have had a reality check regarding my Partner & my future or if I'm slipping into a depression. I have been with my Partner for almost 5 yrs, we do not live together , nor do we spend much time together as we both work and have other commitments such as i have 2 children, 8yrs old 22 yrs old & he has 2 children , one 10 yr old and one 17 yr old, we live only 20 minutes apart. His children don't like me at all , why i don't know ! Ever since his divorce he's has been very protective of his children, the 10 yr old lives with his mum , and the 17 yrold moved in 3 years ago , as she has had diff with her mum. Ever since she has moved in with him our relationship has changed . we spend even less time together , our relationship exist mainly via phone calls. His daughter doesn't accept me for who i am even though i back off . She is disrespectful towards me whenever i stay at his home, we don't talk , i hardly even get a hello. Ive told my Partner this and he said he hasn't realised it & would talk to her. The end result , if i rock up at his place my partner first words are, Have u said Hello to Kazza? which is so fake & frustrating, my wish was to be together , move in with him , and try to make the best of it. My Partner try to keep us all separated and wraps his children in cotton wool. They don't know respect or discipline , I keep saying to myself it might change but i am now realising its really not going anywhere atm. He takes his children on holidays, without me and my daughter of course as he says our siblings don't get along. My daughter has never done anyone wrong, he just spoils those kids & keeps us sitting on the side line . His daughter is so manipulative & he doesn't see it, Everyone else does accept him. I feel like a stranger whenever i visit his house , I am worried about my future and would like to be in a happy relationship, he asked me to move in a while ago & i told him about my concerns reg, his children . He said he understands but how could we deal with it, its like he sets our happiness aside to please his kids. I am now at the point that i don't know what to do , do i Leave this relationship, or do i move in with him and try to deal with the issue? i love him dearly but believe i have been waiting long enough now and need to have stability and security in my life else i would have to end this relationship and move on .

BrokenHearted88 Broken Hearted
  • replies: 6

My boyfriend and I broke up 2 days ago. We had been together for almost 3 years (living together for 2 and a half and speaking every day for nearly 4). We met over 7 years ago as friends, he moved to the UK 5 years ago & I moved to try and make a go ... View more

My boyfriend and I broke up 2 days ago. We had been together for almost 3 years (living together for 2 and a half and speaking every day for nearly 4). We met over 7 years ago as friends, he moved to the UK 5 years ago & I moved to try and make a go of things a few years ago. everything was perfect. He helped me through a very tough and confusing time in my life, taught me to love and respect myself and showed me what I deserved in a partner. He lost his mum early on and I helped him through the grief of loosing a single mother as a single child. 5 months ago I had to leave the UK due to Visa and the plan was for him to stay an extra 12 months to get his UK citizenship then move back to Aus so we could continue our life together. We continued to speak every day and skyped 4X a week. He came to visit me 3 weeks ago and we had a wonderful time in Aus visiting each others families and enjoying our short but treasured time together. From the beginning I had been clear with him that I wanted a family - kids and a long-term commitment. He was coming around to the long-term commitment side of things (talking about buying a house together) but was still unsure if he ever wanted kids. I am 28 so I am still young and am happy to wait another 3 or so years before I start a family but I needed to know if he would ever want that with me so I asked him again and this time the answer was flat out no. we broke up on his last day in Aus and I am utterly broken hearted and saddened. I have massive separation anxiety as we spoke every day for nearly 4 years. I know it was the right thing for both of us and I know I will learn to love someone again but right now i cant imagine ever loving anyone else. we still love each other which makes it harder. I feel so lonely and hollow. I honestly thought he would come around and want the same things as me. Can anyone relate to me and/or offer any kind words of support?

Nickname_363A0B5F-FFB0-48 New and never really talk about my feelings.
  • replies: 2

Hi there, im new to this and needing advise. Hope im in the right section. Recently, just broke up with the love of my life and fiancé of 5 years engaged for 4. We have a young boy together who is 4 years old. I also have another boy from my previous... View more

Hi there, im new to this and needing advise. Hope im in the right section. Recently, just broke up with the love of my life and fiancé of 5 years engaged for 4. We have a young boy together who is 4 years old. I also have another boy from my previous relationship who is 6. I will start from the very beginning. When we first started dating i did everything any normal relationships would do cute dates, loving, caring made her feel safe all of that. First few months were the best days of my life, then it or should i say i started to change started talking too my ex's again telling them they were beautiful ect. So to put a long story short i cheated on her ( didnt actually sleep with them ) just kept saying how beautiful they were sending x's and o's to them but didnt say any of that stuff too the girl i was dating. We got through it and still continued to date and eventually having a baby together. It was all good until i started working i would do as above again but to a staff member. She told me too stop talking to her and i did but then i started talking her again and again. This hurt my fiancé bad and i did that to her i put her through that and i shouldnt of we had already gone through enough with my oldest sons mother who kept trying to break us up pretty much every week. So recently of the past two months she woild always want to get out of the house wouldnt come back until 2 or 3 in the morning or sometimes didn't come back at all after i had enough two times i decided too just drive past where she was staying. At first i was ohk yeah she is there (friend one) and didn't think anything of it. but the second time (different house friend two) i seen her car out the front but then realized that there was also another car the same car from friend ones house that i didnt really take notice of the first time. Skip a few days her and i broke up went back to the house to get my fishing rod and noticed that, that same car is at the front of were i used too live. I was shocked i thought of the worst straight away. I knocked on the door and i just went blank shaking badly to the point it scared her and i didnt even notice i did that. She told me that nothing is going on they're just friends ect. But im writing because i want help for me because there is alot more to this story than i can write in this little box

Nickname_363A0B5F-FFB0-48 Newbie here need some advise
  • replies: 3

Hi there, im new to this and needing advise. Hope im in the right section. Recently, just broke up with the love of my life and fiancé of 5 years engaged for 4. We have a young boy together who is 4 years old. I also have another boy from my previous... View more

Hi there, im new to this and needing advise. Hope im in the right section. Recently, just broke up with the love of my life and fiancé of 5 years engaged for 4. We have a young boy together who is 4 years old. I also have another boy from my previous relationship who is 6. Iwill start from the very beginning. When we first started dating i did everything any normal relationships would do cute dates, loving, caring made her feel safe all of that. First few months were the best days of my life, then it or should i say i started to change started talking too my ex's again telling them they were beautiful ect. So to put a long story short i cheated on her ( didnt actually sleep with them ) just kept saying how beautiful they were sending x's and o's to them but didnt say any of that stuff too the girl i was dating. We got through it and still continued to date and eventually having a baby together. It was all good until i started working i would do as above again but to a staff member. She told me too stop talking to her and i did but then i started talking to her again and again. This hurt my fiancé bad and i did that to her i put her through that and i shouldnt of we had already gone through enough with my oldest sons mother who kept trying to break us up pretty much every week. So recently of the past two months she would always want to get out of the house wouldnt come back until 2 or 3 am in the morning or sometimes didn't come back at all after i had enough two times i decided too just drive past where she was staying. At first i was ohk yeah she is there (friend one) and didn't think anything of it. but the second time (different house friend two) i seen her car out the front but then realized that there was also another car the same car from friend ones house that i didnt really take notice of the first time. Skip a few days her and i broke up went back to the house to get my fishing rod and noticed that, that same car is at the front of were i used too live. I was shocked i thought of the worst straight away. I knocked on the door and i just went blank shaking badly to the point it scared her and i didnt even notice i did that. Never wanted to scare her in any way shape or form. She told me that nothing is going on they're just friends ect. But im writing because i want help for me because there is alot more to this story than i can write in this little box

Princess_S Feeling alone in my marriage
  • replies: 5

I am not sure where to start. I am married. But I feel alone in it. My husband sort of feels a bit like a stranger. We are not emotional close. I don't know if we are supposed to be. Is that how married people are supposed to feel? He doesn't underst... View more

I am not sure where to start. I am married. But I feel alone in it. My husband sort of feels a bit like a stranger. We are not emotional close. I don't know if we are supposed to be. Is that how married people are supposed to feel? He doesn't understand me and I don't understand him, but this is on a deep level, like a heart level. When we do talk, it is often that we are on different wave lengths. He says things to me, and apparently I perceive them different to what he was saying. I often feel like I don't matter to him, and that he doesn't care about me. He never really sees me, really sees me as person. Sometimes I just cry and cry. And I feel very alone. I want to feel emotional close to him, but I can't. Sometimes I wish I could go, because I am so unhappy and hurting. Ok just needed to get it out.

RosieLee Broken-Hearted Girl
  • replies: 7

It's been 3 months since I found out my long term partner was unfaithful. I ended the relationship the moment the words left her mouth and I have been in complete agony ever since. She was my first love, we were together for 5 years and I was addicte... View more

It's been 3 months since I found out my long term partner was unfaithful. I ended the relationship the moment the words left her mouth and I have been in complete agony ever since. She was my first love, we were together for 5 years and I was addicted to her; that's the only appropriate way to describe it- an addiction. When we met, I was already spiralling into depression. I was 15 and had to move out of home because my family life was in shambles. I met my ex at my first ever job. I fell hard and I fell quickly. It was a desperate love and that is the most dangerous type of all. She supported me through many depressive episodes and anxiety attacks. She was like my rock and it was as if she alone kept my feet on the ground. I had no independence in the relationship. I have been studying at uni (which I've had to put on hold for a little while) and she was working. She had her licence, I didn't. She had many friends, I didn't. I paid my share of the bills but she always made me feel like I wasn't doing enough, and she was probably right. I completely isolated myself, and now that she is gone I don't know how to bring myself back to the land of the living. I feel like I've died on the inside. I had to move out of the apartment we shared to stay with my mum. After living out of home for 6 years, it hasn't been easy to adjust. The depression is also getting much, much worse. Not only do I now have suicidal thoughts, my pent up anger has been leading them in vengeful directions. It really scares me. I've never felt so much hostility in my life. I am a nervous wreck. I broke down the other day and started beating my mattress with the broom. My family aren't very helpful. I feel like I can't actually express my emotions and vent to them because they think I should be over it by now. They think I want to spend my days brooding. That I chose to stay up into the early hours of the morning. That I don't want my life to move forward. And they're wrong. I want to get over this, I just don't have the energy and feel like my ability to hold on is running thin. I don' t know what to do about the mess my life is in. I would love to stand on a mountain top and scream until my voice disappears or go into the kitchen and break every glass in the cupboard or punch a boxing bag until my knuckles are red-raw. I know it wasn't easy for my ex to keep up with the depression, but I loved her with everything I had. It kills me that it wasn't enough. Off to doctors tomorrow! beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}