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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Iceym00n Marriage breakdown
  • replies: 4

Hi I really need some advice as I don't know we're to turn anymore. My marriage broke down due to my husband joining a lot of sex sites 2 months after we were married! There been some issues in the relationship that have hurt me quite badly which pus... View more

Hi I really need some advice as I don't know we're to turn anymore. My marriage broke down due to my husband joining a lot of sex sites 2 months after we were married! There been some issues in the relationship that have hurt me quite badly which pushed me away from him, I struggle to show physical emotion especially to someone that's caused pain. He kicked me out of our house because I said I was looking for another place, I didn't really want another place I was telling him that in the hope it would help us make more of an effort. It back fired and he kicked me out. The following weeks things got nasty. I found out he had planned a weekend away with a woman he hadn't known since he was a kid. When I spoke to him I wanted to sort things out, he then canceled that booking and went and made a new one at a different place so I didn't know. The next day after his night away that I didn't know about, we had a talk and spoke about getting some counciling while we're separated to see if we can salvage our marriage. It was only 3 days later that I found out by email that he spent the night with her and had lied to my face telling me he spent the night at his brothers.. Apparently he never slept with her and there is a message to prove that! I understand we were separated but it doesn't make the pain any easier. I love this man with all my heart and I struggle to know what to do now when he keeps lieing to me. I want our marriage to work as I feel like apart of me has gone when I'm away from him. The stress is just getting to much and I've found myself thinking of things I shouldn't and wanting revenge against this woman as she knew about me.

millsandboon A year on and a rocky relationship
  • replies: 1

Hi! I'm a depression, anxiety, OCD and agoraphobia survivor! 12 months ago I gave birth to the most precious gift..she is the light of my life and I would do anything for her. My relationship however is another story. Although he stuck by me through ... View more

Hi! I'm a depression, anxiety, OCD and agoraphobia survivor! 12 months ago I gave birth to the most precious gift..she is the light of my life and I would do anything for her. My relationship however is another story. Although he stuck by me through my hard times (which I am forever grateful for) there is a part of me that has always believed some of his behaviours back then were partly responsible for the headspace I ended up in. This last year being new parents we have had our ups and downs, some days (when we argue etc) it feels as though there are more downs than ups. We don't fight fair, well I try to but he seems to be getting more manipulative, aggressive and deflecting. We can never have a conversation about our relationship where he answers a question directly, it's always answered with another question or him making some smart remark like "okay, I'm just the asshole" Our most recent argument is about a friend of his. This friend and his long time girlfriend split up just over a year ago and he is now back home with his parents...although he has at times featured heavily in our lives, he still seems to struggle with the concept that we are a family. This argument was about this friends birthday (which is coming up) he mentioned months ago about wanting to go to some gig, my partner and I spoke about it and decided that as I breastfeed and my partner cannot get our daughter to sleep, therefore I don't have the opportunities to be child free etc, that until such time as she is weened and able to sleep no matter who puts her to bed it would not be "fair" for him to go out as I don't get to do similar things. Now this isn't a one time thing, he has been out nights and lunches etc, nights where I have had pick him up drunk with baby in tow...so I'm not just being unreasonable. My partner has also said he doesn't really want to go as the gig isn't really his scene and up until a couple of days ago he wasn't going but as this friend was "dropped" by others last minute he has now decided that he is going. He never mentioned to this friend months ago what we had spoken about and agreed upon together (and the gig has been mentioned several times since) in his words he "never thought he'd have to go, so there was no point" but now I'm the bad one for calling him out on giving me his word and then taking it back because his friend wants to go out. He often says to me I should have known what being a mother was going to be like..what to do or say? xxx

cracker10 Separation, then the surprises!!!
  • replies: 18

As a background, I am 43 year old male that has been married for 4 years and living with my wife for 9 years who is 41. My wife, before I met her was divorced for 4 years and had three beautiful children. They are currently aged 21,20 & 16. We had si... View more

As a background, I am 43 year old male that has been married for 4 years and living with my wife for 9 years who is 41. My wife, before I met her was divorced for 4 years and had three beautiful children. They are currently aged 21,20 & 16. We had since had our own child who is now 6. We all lived together in a home we built together 6 years ago. We have had our ups and downs over the years but we had always worked through them, and I loved my wife unconditionally. We had just returned from a family Holiday in the USA in late January 2016, when she started to turn cold on return. I confronted her about this on the Monday morning, and asked what was wrong. She stormed out of the house. Whilst on the way to work , I received a text message saying our "marriage is over". As you could imagine my day was not one of much productivity. I left early from work and was confused and upset. My wife returned home and avoided me and just simply said "we are done and i don't wan't to talk about it". I respected her wishes and did not want to make a scene in front of the kids, and went to our room for the night and she slept in the spare room. The next morning we spoke and immediately told me that she felt unhappy for years, did not think we should have ever got married and my travel with work had not helped. I left feeling that she had just re written our history together and I was absolutely distraught. My gut started to tell me something else was wrong. There was absolutely no emotion from her as we talked. I trust my wife, and have never had any reason to otherwise. I have always believed that if I didn't have trust in my partner that I should not be in a relationship with that person, but a few of her remarks raised hairs on the back of neck. I immediately started to check phone bills for the last 12 months, and my heart broke. I had discovered she had been texting a coworker up to 100 times a day since April15. She had an emotional affair that turned physical in July 15 and continues to seem. He is 10 years her junior. Since separation we have been under the same roof for the kids but it has been hard. I have had trouble sleeping and eating and have been to doctors/phycologists. I know I need to detach and have had real difficulties doing so. The realisation of what she has done and how it had been done and has destroyed our relationship. Has anyone been in a similar situation?, and how did you handle it?

topsy_ Daughter's worry
  • replies: 15

Tomorrow my husband has a hip replacement = coping okay My daughter has discovered a lump in her breast. She has 3 children - 11, 2 & 6mths. Her Army husband is away on pre-deployment training before being sent to Afghan in June for 7 months. They ha... View more

Tomorrow my husband has a hip replacement = coping okay My daughter has discovered a lump in her breast. She has 3 children - 11, 2 & 6mths. Her Army husband is away on pre-deployment training before being sent to Afghan in June for 7 months. They have the happiest, most loving family life. This daughter is my "baby" (youngest of 3). She is an exceptional young woman (33yo). This is so NOT OK!!!! My heart is breaking. Please, I don't want to hear anything about thinking positive & then everything will be ok. I don't believe that. People don't die because they weren't positive enough about wanting to live.

Garbz Help
  • replies: 2

My partner has once again lost it at me and called it quits I need help trying to deal with this please help

My partner has once again lost it at me and called it quits I need help trying to deal with this please help

Um_Brella How do I help my husband get his self esteem back when he has lost his job?
  • replies: 1

My husband has always had difficulty getting and keeping a job due to his personality (he comes across as mildly aspergers) and a bad job market. He lost his full time job 2 years ago and has managed to get some casual work. I am mildly physically di... View more

My husband has always had difficulty getting and keeping a job due to his personality (he comes across as mildly aspergers) and a bad job market. He lost his full time job 2 years ago and has managed to get some casual work. I am mildly physically disabled but work full time to pay the bills, which is exhausting. My husband almost never helps with the housework, and it makes me furious to come home after a day of killing myself to see all of the housework. He is also not very affectionate towards me so my stress level just mounts and mounts, with no release. We have sex maybe once a week if I'm lucky, but unfortunately I find that is the only thing that helps me with my stress and chronic pain. I am at the point where I get to work and can't concentrate most days due to all of these things. So we finally got in a huge fight yesterday, and he said he doesn't help with the housework because whenever he showed initiative at work people always told him he was doing things wrong and he would get in trouble. Essentially, he feels like if he tries to do any work around the house, I will complain about it. Well how would he know, if he doesn't try it? As for our lack of sex life, he says he doesn't feel like it or he is too tired. HELLO - he is at home ALL DAY and doesn't spend his time cleaning. I don't believe that he has the confidence to chase other women but I noticed that he does watch porn on the internet a few times a week, and the videos of girls are mostly a different race to me. I still look pretty much the same as I did when we got married 14 years ago. I think his problem is that he just doesn't feel like a man anymore, but I don't know what to do about this. I am so busy working two jobs to pay the bills and doing all of the housework. I have suggested round about ways that he can get exercise like playing with the dogs or doing yardwork, but I feel like he is just watching TV all day. I have tried to get him to go to a dr but he won't, and I honestly think he is depressed because he is unemployed, and feels guilty about watching my health decline due to the stresses work is putting on me. Any suggestions for helping him? I am afraid that I will look insincere because I honestly feel so resentful that I am at work all day and he is home and somehow doesn't have time to do housework and is too tired to be intimate when I need it to relieve the stress and pain I am in.

Shooster Loneliness
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am in my 50s and get terribly lonely. I have a knack for being forgotten or overlooked. Although I have a few friends, I have never been asked out to coffee, dinner, movies...the things girlfriends do together. I am the one who rings them and t... View more

Hi, I am in my 50s and get terribly lonely. I have a knack for being forgotten or overlooked. Although I have a few friends, I have never been asked out to coffee, dinner, movies...the things girlfriends do together. I am the one who rings them and then it is just a chat on the phone, usually they are too busy etc. My friends have dinner parties, go out, "do coffee' etc. and I am not invited. There is obviously something very off-putting about me to have this effect on people. I try not to feel sorry for myself, but just get so lonely. I have 2 teenage children and a husband who has a very full social life, lots of friends who ring him, ask him out to coffee etc. I feel like a misfit and struggle to understand any real worth I bring to any of this.

Tiredeyes Newbie with Difficult breakup
  • replies: 4

Here goes i don't talk much or have any close friends in Australia i have recently broken up with my partner of 10 years who has struggled with depression and anxiety I've always been there for her or tried the best i can in bad time she tells me to ... View more

Here goes i don't talk much or have any close friends in Australia i have recently broken up with my partner of 10 years who has struggled with depression and anxiety I've always been there for her or tried the best i can in bad time she tells me to leave her or not to leave she has told me she will hurt herself if i leave her but she also begged me to let her do it she has been using ice almost everyday since February that i know of last month i threw away her drugs which made her angry so she broke up with me then which now that i think of it caused me some anxiety and depression i Havant eaten properly since then she has sad some nasty things to me which have damaged my self esteem we own a house together, car and all the things u accumulate over the years she is looking for a place to move to we are still in the same house which is very hard for me since she goes out partying, and getting drugs for herself and her friends i know shes been telling her friends lies about how we broke up but i don't want to confront her as she will just lie and get ugly we recently had a argument and the threatened to chainsaw everything in half, i am confused as to how this all happened i have been to a GP and he diagnosed me with depression and anxiety i have an appointment to see a psychiatrist but thats not untill the 24th i feel pretty worthless and alone i know that us breaking up is the best thing for my own health but i am in a sad place i dont know how to get myself back up

CLC89 Dealing with a controlling dad
  • replies: 2

Im 26 and live at home. My dad has handeled alot of the family finances for as long as i can remember which has been hard to handle. I was having to ask for money to be taken out of my account if i wanted to go buy a dress or a pair of shoes or to go... View more

Im 26 and live at home. My dad has handeled alot of the family finances for as long as i can remember which has been hard to handle. I was having to ask for money to be taken out of my account if i wanted to go buy a dress or a pair of shoes or to go out for dinner with friends. When i turned 24 i bought a property as an investment and therefore all my accounts needed to be signed over to me. Having my money signed over to be was great, i finally had that feeling of independence. I decided to spoil myself with an overseas trip and some other items which i could not have bought if i asked as to my dad seemed too expensive even though i was asking for my own money! Things between us has just gotten really bad, he may not addmit it but he hates the fact he has lost that finacial 'control' over me. He threatens to go to the bank and get my accounts put back in my parents name so he can control things again. I dont know if he's trying to call my bluff or if the bank has actually disclosed my information to him (another issue in itself!) I just dont know what to do. I feel anxious and depressed because ive done nothing wrong. He feels that ive spent too much money and i have no savings, i have savings but according to him not enough in his eyes. Hes stubborn and doesnt see the effect he is having on me by tying to control what i do with my money. I believe I am an adult and should be able to live my life according to myself and not according to him. I have an extreamly stable job, im respected in my profession but i just feel trapped in my home life. Im happier when im not at home. Has anyone eles been through this? Am I being unreasonable?

Nathan36 Seperation and children
  • replies: 3

Hi am currently going through a tough time with my partner. We have a 3 year old boy and about to welcome a daughter into the world in june. We argue about the most insignificant of things and its getting worse. I am not concerned about our indiferan... View more

Hi am currently going through a tough time with my partner. We have a 3 year old boy and about to welcome a daughter into the world in june. We argue about the most insignificant of things and its getting worse. I am not concerned about our indiferances but i am concerned about how we will affect our children. I am trying to be absolutly passive when i get blamed for just about everything that goes wrong, i dont want to seperate and destroy my childrens lives and i dont want to constantly have yelling in our house for the children. Feeling stuck and dont know what to do.