Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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RosieLee Broken-Hearted Girl
  • replies: 7

It's been 3 months since I found out my long term partner was unfaithful. I ended the relationship the moment the words left her mouth and I have been in complete agony ever since. She was my first love, we were together for 5 years and I was addicte... View more

It's been 3 months since I found out my long term partner was unfaithful. I ended the relationship the moment the words left her mouth and I have been in complete agony ever since. She was my first love, we were together for 5 years and I was addicted to her; that's the only appropriate way to describe it- an addiction. When we met, I was already spiralling into depression. I was 15 and had to move out of home because my family life was in shambles. I met my ex at my first ever job. I fell hard and I fell quickly. It was a desperate love and that is the most dangerous type of all. She supported me through many depressive episodes and anxiety attacks. She was like my rock and it was as if she alone kept my feet on the ground. I had no independence in the relationship. I have been studying at uni (which I've had to put on hold for a little while) and she was working. She had her licence, I didn't. She had many friends, I didn't. I paid my share of the bills but she always made me feel like I wasn't doing enough, and she was probably right. I completely isolated myself, and now that she is gone I don't know how to bring myself back to the land of the living. I feel like I've died on the inside. I had to move out of the apartment we shared to stay with my mum. After living out of home for 6 years, it hasn't been easy to adjust. The depression is also getting much, much worse. Not only do I now have suicidal thoughts, my pent up anger has been leading them in vengeful directions. It really scares me. I've never felt so much hostility in my life. I am a nervous wreck. I broke down the other day and started beating my mattress with the broom. My family aren't very helpful. I feel like I can't actually express my emotions and vent to them because they think I should be over it by now. They think I want to spend my days brooding. That I chose to stay up into the early hours of the morning. That I don't want my life to move forward. And they're wrong. I want to get over this, I just don't have the energy and feel like my ability to hold on is running thin. I don' t know what to do about the mess my life is in. I would love to stand on a mountain top and scream until my voice disappears or go into the kitchen and break every glass in the cupboard or punch a boxing bag until my knuckles are red-raw. I know it wasn't easy for my ex to keep up with the depression, but I loved her with everything I had. It kills me that it wasn't enough. Off to doctors tomorrow! beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Walshy Anxiety and finding a partner. Is it possible?
  • replies: 2

Hi all I am a 50yo male married twice and divorced. I have been living mostly alone for 3 years and separated for 8 years. i am traveling in my caravan full time and would like nothing more than to find a companion to share it all with. I struggle ev... View more

Hi all I am a 50yo male married twice and divorced. I have been living mostly alone for 3 years and separated for 8 years. i am traveling in my caravan full time and would like nothing more than to find a companion to share it all with. I struggle every day to function and do the must do things to get through my day but i feel i would function so much better with someone to keep me focused and motivated. my step son moved out 3 years ago at 21yo and i am very lonely and withdrawn since. His girlfriend has driven a wedge between us and i miss him a lot. he was my best mate for 12 years and it hard to get on without him around. I was always very focused and did quite well when he was around. I am a decent person caring thoughtful and very trustworthy. i get the feeling i could be helping someone to overcome some of lifes obstacles and in return they could be helping me to keep focused on the good stuff.

Kurgans Separation : Should I give it another go or should I move on ?
  • replies: 5

I never posted about my problems but I do feel that I have to talk. I always had 2 jobs. I have a diploma, but I never been to University. 3 years ago I decided to change career as I was unhappy with my current work. I started an apprenticeship. I go... View more

I never posted about my problems but I do feel that I have to talk. I always had 2 jobs. I have a diploma, but I never been to University. 3 years ago I decided to change career as I was unhappy with my current work. I started an apprenticeship. I got married, we built a house together with my wife. I have been with my wife for 10 years before we split up. My wife and I separated 7 months ago, due to the fact that I lost my job and was unemployed for 4 months. She reproached me to be not responsible enough and to be not proactive enough ( which I was... at some point I had barely the will to go on, I was feeling like I was rotting away and that I could not move forward any more.) Every night she would come home from work I was very anxious about how she would react about the fact that I did not find any jobs or that I was not successful in an interview. I dreaded that fact that if she was not satisfied, she would explode and start making a scene, insult me and diminish me. (She did this quiet frequently when things didn't go the way she wanted). So I started lying ( I shouldn't have really) about how I was doing in order to avoid a scene. The truth eventually cough up with me, and made things far worse. I felt like I was in a dead-end, with no way out. I was not making any money, I was losing my wife and the bills accumulated. One day during an argument she told me that she refuse to support a parasite, and that I was not man enough, that I should be providing for my wife, not the other way around. (She works as a lawyer) So in the end I could not pay my share of the mortgage, she refused to cover my half, she was complaining that she was feeding me. She was not always like this, I think I made her become like this because I was too nonchalant about the money issue. Now I do manage my life better, I am in the process of joining the Navy (dream career for me) I do eat again, I can sleep a bit more than before (4-6h a night). I think she was dating someone else, I believe she was dumped but that she might be in love with the other guy. But she is considering taking me back if I can prove that I am more responsible, that I can take better care of my affairs, and that I need to show more initiative for suggesting activities. I do want to work things out with her, but I think that she doesn't really care for me, and that she as someone else in mind ...and that is killing me... because despite everything I do love her.

Snoopy33 Relationship Help
  • replies: 11

Hi guys, I need some advice on my relationship. My fiancé and I have been together for approx. 4 years and we have a (almost) 3 year old daughter together. I also have 2 sons from a previous marriage that stay with us every second weekend. I feel lik... View more

Hi guys, I need some advice on my relationship. My fiancé and I have been together for approx. 4 years and we have a (almost) 3 year old daughter together. I also have 2 sons from a previous marriage that stay with us every second weekend. I feel like over time he has lost his affection towards me. He looks annoyed sometimes when I give him a hug or a kiss, we are rarely intimate (although it doesn't help that our daughter still sleeps in our room). I don't believe he is attracted to me anymore but I have put on a bit of weight and don't feel attractive in myself. I have tried to talk to him about it so many times and I am forever asking him what is wrong or whether he still loves me and he says there is nothing wrong and he loves me. I used to feel like we were best friends but now I feel like he has shut me out. Lately when I try and have a conversation with him he seems really disinterested and when I get upset about something, even if it's not relationship related he gets annoyed and has now said a few times, "what is it this time?". I have said to him I just need a hug and some reassurance and he has given me an excuse as to why he can't like he doesn't feel well or he is exhausted. I have depression and anxiety and it must take its toll on him but he also has social anxiety and anger issues that are difficult to live with too. I'm not sure if he is depressed as he seems like it at times but he says he isn't. I'm scared he will leave me and I'm not sure how I will cope. I had two long term relationships before this one and both ended in a similar way where I felt for a period of time that they were cold towards me and lacking in affection/love before they left me. I also believe that one of them cheated on me and the other- my ex husband- was planning to be with another woman while he was ending our relationship as he was in regular contact with her and then a relationship starting with her almost immediately after we separated. I don't know what I should do to fix this and where I have gone wrong each time. Please help me!

MK35 New member. Struggling with mental health after beak up.
  • replies: 4

Hi, just a quick introduction but I plan to post again soon. I'm 35yo and recently just separated last month from a short but intense relationship of 8 months. I'm feeling hopeless, useless, low self esteem, constantly feeling down. From what I've ex... View more

Hi, just a quick introduction but I plan to post again soon. I'm 35yo and recently just separated last month from a short but intense relationship of 8 months. I'm feeling hopeless, useless, low self esteem, constantly feeling down. From what I've experienced she seems like a text book case of bpd/npd and I've just been discarded.

Philip_b Advice and help
  • replies: 1

Hi guys Having a few problems in my life atm start I been told I had depression now for 2 years and never new I had it. But now I been told about it a lot of things make sense to me. I nearly die in Jan with bad phenomenal and had to spend 4 days in ... View more

Hi guys Having a few problems in my life atm start I been told I had depression now for 2 years and never new I had it. But now I been told about it a lot of things make sense to me. I nearly die in Jan with bad phenomenal and had to spend 4 days in I/C but now been told I could have diabetes from it now. And my wife separate from me and think this is just a excuse all so found out I could have A.D.D. So you can see March was not a very good month for me. I all so work away FIFO so it pretty lonely for me now as I have no family or friends here in my wife country. She said she hates the person I become and so do I but I never new I become this person which is the hardest thing to take in. We have 2 boys 5 and 6 years old and I have admit my problem and getting help and opening up about it. She says she want to do family things together but won't open up at all closed down completely and won't even speak with her mum and dad who live 10 mins away from us. She very hot and cold and leaves day by day she can't even look me in the eyes or talk to me properly without getting angry and runs away.and says it not worth trying even for the kids sake which I think we should at least try and so does everyone else we don't have much to lose if we do try at least we could try and save are friendship. Not sure what I should do I feel like packing up and moving back to the u. K and be around people who care on this dark path I'm on atm.And being away and not talking is killing me inside her parents understand my ruff time real unsure on what to do as I do care for her but she says she don't care for me but I can still see it in her but she won't open up and just given up without balking or making any plans she spending money like water and not thinking about anything not even talking kids into all this I know she tired as are oldest son has adhd and hard work but she so angry about everything lately and negative been her parents say that and told me to give it time sort myself out first but so hard as I can still see a future for us as I know my problem but she won't admit her problems

Ella78 Relationship Worries...
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am new to this site and to be honest not sure what I am looking for. Maybe I just want to get what's off my chest and for someone to listen or maybe it's more... My partner and I have been together for 5 years and we recently got married and ha... View more

Hi, I am new to this site and to be honest not sure what I am looking for. Maybe I just want to get what's off my chest and for someone to listen or maybe it's more... My partner and I have been together for 5 years and we recently got married and have a 2 year old son and one on the way. I am continuously finding out small lies and then big lies either from friends, family members or even just going through his phone (this makes me feel guilty). I am starting to question things and my trust has been completely shot and I don't know how to get passed it. I also have minimal help around the house, I do all he house work with no social life whatsoever. Am I being silly? I feel like I'm starting to get down as I continually overthink shit.

jojo05 Would you want to know?
  • replies: 3

I've already gone into the details of my separation from my husband so i wont retell it all again, what im after is a bit of advice on something I've recently found out. Last week i found out theres a strong possibility my husband has got the OW preg... View more

I've already gone into the details of my separation from my husband so i wont retell it all again, what im after is a bit of advice on something I've recently found out. Last week i found out theres a strong possibility my husband has got the OW pregnant, i know he wont come forward and tell me himself because hes not exactly the most honest man around but i think it would be the respectful thing to do considering we've only been separated for 4 months. I've thought about asking him straight out because i want to know if its true. We have been in contact most of the time since he left but over the past 3 weeks he hasnt contacted me at all and i think this maybe the reason, im just guessing thou. Would any of you want to know and how would you go about asking?

Alan2 Young Marriage Ending
  • replies: 2

Hi, My wife has told me this morning she can't go on with our current marriage. She has been upset with my lack of motivation and unwillingness to seek help for depression I suffer. I'm a musician and suffer from a lot of anxiety and depression pre a... View more

Hi, My wife has told me this morning she can't go on with our current marriage. She has been upset with my lack of motivation and unwillingness to seek help for depression I suffer. I'm a musician and suffer from a lot of anxiety and depression pre and post work, also we have planned to move overseas once she has finished her degree (she's a foreigner) and questions what I'll do when we go. We seem to have one big argument every 6 months (married 3 years) and I think my inability to change from those arguments ultimately has put her in this position. I cannot sleep, function or concentrate with this going on, she is staying at a friends because she thinks I will pressure her decision, I was so adamant that I will change. We regularly tell each other "I love you" but this seems an extreme and quick decision. I take a lot of the blame for not at least getting help for myself but can't help think that this is a dash decision, or have I just been blind to the fact. 3 years doesn't seem long and considering I thought we were still in the honeymoon period this is extremely shattering. I've booked in to see my GP regarding a mental health plan but if this all goes south as I fear, I can't see how I'll survive... Thanks for listening, I'm really struggling.

Lolah Newbie - The low down...
  • replies: 3

Hi, so this is my first post and it feels weird but I feel I need advice maybe, support maybe, maybe I just wanna feel respected, I don't know! I just feel a little lost. So here's the low down.. I've been Married for over 7 years now, I have a 1 yea... View more

Hi, so this is my first post and it feels weird but I feel I need advice maybe, support maybe, maybe I just wanna feel respected, I don't know! I just feel a little lost. So here's the low down.. I've been Married for over 7 years now, I have a 1 year old and am now pregnant with my second, 14 weeks along. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety 4 years ago now, saw a psychologist then a psychiatrist who put me on meds and who did help me a lot! It took me a good 2 years before I did anything about what I was going through. I couldn't sleep and when I did I'd wake then toss and turn the rest of the night. When I did wake I'd wake shaking and jittery. I kept thinking I was dying, actually I convinced myself I was. Short of breath, heavy in the chest, dizziness, heart racing to the point doctors put me on heart meds to slow it down. I had to see a cardiologist cause they thought it was my heart..so you can imagine my anxiety! The panic attacks were terrible! After I got the help I needed I got better but the last few weeks have been real hard, I'm crying at least once a day! I feel I have no support from my husband, most times I feel I can't talk to him and when I do, he's like what's wrong now? Why are you crying? Get over it, geez you whinge a lot and that's just the start! He has said a lot of things to put me down and make me feel worthless. Early on he had a real bad temper, screaming at me throwing stuff, punching and kicking walls and back then I was very clear that he needed to get help or I was leaving! He did get help and he's a lot better now. I was terrified of him, I'd leave the front door unlocked just in case. But like he says, that's the past I guess and he has changed. I'm just feeling so alone, like no one understands me. I want his support and respect but I just don't feel it and looking after a 1 year old, being pregnant with the next and trying to manage things at home it's just so hard, exhausting! I don't want to leave the house most days. And I'm kind of feeling like my son doesn't want to be around me now he always goes to his dad. Not to mention my husbands mum irritates me I just can't tolerate her and I really don't want to see her anymore nor do I want my kids around her.. She's always making absurd comments toward me. If I mention it to my husband he never makes a stance for me but instead tells me to grow thicker skin. And that my family is no better. I'm sick of feeling lonely, sad, upset all the time..