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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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lizzie50 In love with a stoner
  • replies: 8

Ive never been one to take drugs, I've tried weed twice in my life. The guy i fell for is a stoner, he has smoked since the age of 14 and is now 21 and smokes every day before sleeping, before going to work and as soon as he woke up. I never really k... View more

Ive never been one to take drugs, I've tried weed twice in my life. The guy i fell for is a stoner, he has smoked since the age of 14 and is now 21 and smokes every day before sleeping, before going to work and as soon as he woke up. I never really knew the extent of how addicted he was till i started staying at his house more often, he would smoke bongs in his room/lounge room, i noticed his brother and mother also did it. He knew i wasn't too keen on it, but it was his choice and he said it helped his PTSD. All of his friends do it and his family, he is very insecure about how dependent he is on it and how often he does it. He wouldn't stay at my house cause he couldnt sleep without smoking before bed, was very irritated if he didnt have some. It was funny cause when i was with him and i knew he was high he just acted goofy and funny, but when he was high and i wasnt around he'd text me at 2am accusing me of something whether is was lying, cheating, anything and it was a cycle constantly and i began to notice the pattern of when he was high his paranoia set in. Things have ended now, as the paranoia got so intense, he accused me of being against him and trying to hurt him and created these elaborate stories about the most ridiculous situations. When confronted about his paranoia he called me crazy and I'm the one with issues. He has blocked all contact with me and told his friends i cheated. He calls me from unknown numbers at 1-2am when his high to tell me how much i ruined his life etc. I was wondering if anyone has experienced something like this? Or has some more information based on the effects of weed and if this is normal behaviour?

Lady_Stardust A real tough cookie
  • replies: 4

Hey, everyone. So, my dad. A few years ago, he had a major breakdown. Something to know about my dad is that he's always been quite a stoic person, kind of old school, but overall a happy person. That's why when he had this breakdown, it was very jar... View more

Hey, everyone. So, my dad. A few years ago, he had a major breakdown. Something to know about my dad is that he's always been quite a stoic person, kind of old school, but overall a happy person. That's why when he had this breakdown, it was very jarring and alarming, and it really shook me up. Thankfully, he recovered, but not in the way hoped; he's never been the same. I'm still worried about him, but my impression is that, because of his old school personality, he is embarrassed about his breakdown, and therefore refuses to acknowledge it happened. Like I said, I'm still worried about him, and I'd like to be able to ask him if he's okay, but I feel he won't respond well to it. Last night, I had a sudden panic attack. We were talking (about nothing in particular) when it happened, and so he asked if anything had upset me. I ended up saying something along the lines of, 'I'm just upset all the time', and he responded that he knew all about that. Now, I'm unsure whether he meant he knows all about my condition, or if he knows all about being upset all the time. I've been wondering now if I should have tried to push further to see if he wanted to talk about his own problems? Should I try to bring it up? I can't tell if this is him trying to reach out or if that's some wishful thinking on my part. Regardless, I still really want to be able to talk to him about his breakdown, about his current mental health, etc. But I'm really just unsure how to approach it. It's real delicate. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. (:

pseudonym Trying not to let depression make decisions for me
  • replies: 11

Hi! I just signed up today after a suggestion from my husband. This is my first post and I'm still not exactly sure how to use this space but I think it goes a little something this. I have had some experience with depression in my life but it's neve... View more

Hi! I just signed up today after a suggestion from my husband. This is my first post and I'm still not exactly sure how to use this space but I think it goes a little something this. I have had some experience with depression in my life but it's never been a steady fixture. Anxiety on the other hand seems to always be around but fortunately it's been manageable. My partner of nearly 10 years and I finally got married in October but about a month after this, shit hit the fans and we had our first ever serious fight. Since then things have been extremely tense and we have even had discussions of divorce. I think this is something that neither of us actually want but as my depression has fully set in and my anxiety is in overdrive I have been feeling progressively more trapped and am very much in flight mode. We discussed couples counselling but nothing came of that discussion and I'm finding it hard to find motivation. Logic says that I will probably regret any big decisions I make because of depression so I haven't been making any decisions and I have been sitting in bed for 3 days now slipping further into this stupid funk. My husband is being supportive and lovely which to be honest only seems to make me feel worse for wanting to run away. I think I need to kick this depression in the butt and I've been wanting to talk to my friends about it but I don't know how to begin and am very embarrassed about my mental health. I know it's very common and I shouldn't feel embarrassed but I can't help it. Advice and any coping techniques would be greatly appreciated...

Guest_A87DA89C When does it get better...
  • replies: 2

Around 9 months ago I ended a physically, and emotionally abusive relationship. This relationship ruined my family to say the least. He was possessive, hit me, blackmailed me, Imprissoned me, and the list goes on. Im 21, and a tough girl - My whole l... View more

Around 9 months ago I ended a physically, and emotionally abusive relationship. This relationship ruined my family to say the least. He was possessive, hit me, blackmailed me, Imprissoned me, and the list goes on. Im 21, and a tough girl - My whole life I've been known to be tough so to admit to people this was happening was never an option, until I eventually did, however until this day nobody knows the full extent, other than the psychologist I saw for a couple of months. I've moved on now, however something just isn't right. Im in love, head over heels, and finally confirmed a love for a boy who's always been there but It still just doesn't seem enough. Ive never had anxiety, but just recently I have it a lot, and at the worst of times. I always feel like I'm going to be in trouble, but its in my head, I don't express it to my parter and deep down I know I'm not in trouble but I just overthink it. Im constantly looking at the time, or stressing trying to do everything right because in my previous relationship if i were to do ONE thing 1 minute late, I'd be abused, mainly verbally. Sometimes I even just lay there and feel nothing but hurt, but I can pinpoint what it is thats hurting. Its almost like I am numb! I have constant tears behind my eyes, even If I am happy, Its like my mind can change any second. So my real question is - When do things start to get better? When do you forget about it all and focus on the good life you now have. Thanks so much. xoxoxoxooxox

pinkroses Feeling desperate & trapped
  • replies: 17

Hi everyone! Okay I feel like I know what I need to do - but it seems too hard? i have been in a relationship (my 1st relationship) for the past 4 years. The first year was amazing. I felt so loved and like I finally met someone who understood me. Th... View more

Hi everyone! Okay I feel like I know what I need to do - but it seems too hard? i have been in a relationship (my 1st relationship) for the past 4 years. The first year was amazing. I felt so loved and like I finally met someone who understood me. This changed however. It has turned into everything is always my fault, I get called names, I am expected to spend all my free time outside of work with him or I'll get a few nasty voice mails and texts...he says as I don't work as much as him and have very hard earned savings I should be the one paying for the next house rental bond and rent. I always feel financially pressured from him. He has cheated on me I'm fairly sure. I have conversations from an online social account asking for nude photos of people he knows. But I just don't feel like I can leave? How can it be I am treated so bad but I still love him, the old him. i am also scared he would rock up to my mums house where I currently live- Ihad the courage to be taken off the lease in september last year when he kept going out with people from work but wouldn't let me know where he was going and wouldn't let me meet any of them & would come home after two days of no contact drunk...I couldn't take another day of it - he made me feel so isolated but said because I have bipolar / anxiety I wouldn't cope with meeting his friends. I didn't seem him or 4 days after this whole thing and I was just so happy he agreed to take over the lease. I felt like I couldn't go on without him and he messaged me and took me out for tea (well he drove my car, he's never had his license). i feel like no matter what he does I'm trapped and I will never be able to leave. i obviously don't trust him and I'm finding it hard to process. He sent me a few unpleasant messages last night as I accidentally fell asleep at my mums and told me not to come over until tonight. i feel like I have an opportunity to leave since he is in a bad mood, not sure if that makes sense but I feel like I. Will just go back to him. I'm finishing work in 2 hours and I just don't know what to do. Heh has never physically hurt me back feel like I don't have a good enough reason to end it for good. I feel so much more relaxed when I'm at my mums house, he relies on me for everything aswell, I have to drive him on a 2 hour return trip to work most days. I feel like he will lose his job without me and he will get angry and blame me. It would be nice or just focus on myself. cheers

Just Sara What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)
  • replies: 65

I read of so many situations within relationships where people find it difficult to deal with their partner/boss/family/friend etc. "How can I help them to overcome and treat me better?" This plea arrives on the forums every day. The simple (it would... View more

I read of so many situations within relationships where people find it difficult to deal with their partner/boss/family/friend etc. "How can I help them to overcome and treat me better?" This plea arrives on the forums every day. The simple (it would seem) and rational answer is to be the best we can be regardless, and to think of ourselves first. Easier said than done yeah? I was placed in a dangerous situation with a stranger recently. I acted quickly to protect myself and my property with positive results. It was scary and anxiety challenged me afterwards so I called Lifeline. A pearl of wisdom came from her which resonated with me; "You put yourself first and this is to be praised, not questioned" Why is it we don't do this with loved one's or people in our circle of trust until it's too late? First time posters are more than welcome to contribute as well as our regular members! Go for it! Sara xo

Westerosi_Wench Struggling to accept a childless future
  • replies: 2

Hi, This is my first post and I'm here at the suggestion of my husband. I'm really struggling to accept my infertility issues combined with a sudden breakdown of my career. They are unrelated but both happening at the same time and it has created an ... View more

Hi, This is my first post and I'm here at the suggestion of my husband. I'm really struggling to accept my infertility issues combined with a sudden breakdown of my career. They are unrelated but both happening at the same time and it has created an emotional "perfect storm". A bit of back story...We've been attempting to have a baby for quite a few years. Approx 2 years ago we saw a doctor and got tested. Turns out my husband was fine but I have some issues that medication hasn't been able to overcome and it's not something that can be fixed with surgery. I've had countless tests, doctors visits and been pumped full of all kinds of fertility drugs for 2yrs now and am out of options. I have to accept that I'll never be a mother. I have always wanted to have kids and being told it's not going to happen is heartbreaking. I feel defective and useless and some days it has me questioning why I'm even here. I haven't really achieved anything in my life and being unable to have kids means there will be nothing of me to carry on. Some days it's like my life is a dead end street. Im also feeling such self hatred. Why is my body letting me down? Why won't it do the most fundamental thing a woman's body is meant to do ... create life. My shining beacon is my husband. He's my best friend and love of my life. He is being so supportive at the moment and keeps telling me that none of this is my fault. I feel such guilt that because of me he has been robbed of the chance to be a father. He tells me he's at peace with it and is happy to remain a "duo", but how do I know he's not just saying that to make me feel better? I know that obsessing over these things isn't helping and I need to process and accept them in order to move forward. I guess I thought throwing these thoughts out there may help in some way. In the meantime I'm just taking it a day at a time and hoping that one day soon it won't hurt so much. Many thanks for listening.

redgirl-blackdog UPDATED: same s#!+, different day
  • replies: 13

Hi, I'm new here&hoping that venting might help but doubt it. I've been in constant pain for 3 1/2 yrs&separated from alcoholic husband for 9 mths. Neurosurgeon recently told me he would not operate on my neck even tho all other options have been exh... View more

Hi, I'm new here&hoping that venting might help but doubt it. I've been in constant pain for 3 1/2 yrs&separated from alcoholic husband for 9 mths. Neurosurgeon recently told me he would not operate on my neck even tho all other options have been exhausted. I just want to hug my kids with both arms.Last week GP sent me to psychologist,again,hoping to deal with pain, marriage breakdown, grief from father's passing&how I don't seem to be coping that well. I really don't feel like it helps, just talking about the same thing over&over again. And today when ex husband bought twin sons home from access w/e, he started his b.s again. He asked for some bar room memorabilia last month&I told him I would pack it up for him to pick up next day, he agreed, so I did. So yesterday I moved it from where it sat for a month under deck& put in all in plastic bags (rainy day here)&in trailer out front for him to get, he asked why I put it in rubbish bags&threw in trailer&before I had a chance to remind him, he said (in front of boys) that I treat him& marriage like rubbish, I did not argue back, just said it was to protect his stuff from rain. He always turns things around to make me out to be the bad guy.ALWAYS. He has told his family&friends that I just stopped loving him. We were married for 9yrs, together 2yrs before that&in that time he was never a handyman, a demo man who was "gunna" fix stuff or get a mate to help but never did, I believed him when he said he was getting help organized. We didn't have a cold tap in bathroom sink for last 4yrs or hot tap for bath for last 7yrs or gutter/downpipe on front patio for last 6 yrs among plenty of other things but he was often away for w/e "helping" mates with their jobs(read drinking). I've since been told by him, we didn't go out anywhere because he was "always" doing jobs around the house that I made him do &/or it was because we couldn't afford to fix , but "we" could still afford 2 + cartons of beer every week®o/insurance for broken down V8 ute in garage he was gonna fix.The twins are nearly 10&are just learning to swim cause I believed him when he said he'd get it organised. Stupid me believed him about lots of things. Even when I pleaded with him to slow down drinking for him/kids/me. As I write this the kitchen tap is dripping relentlessly& it's just about to send me over the edge. I can't afford a plumber this week but I have to put up with it for the sake of my kids. If it wasn't for my kids... I love them more

theguy getting tired of everything
  • replies: 1

hey its my first post and here goes my issues as far as i remember i am always hard on myself and it always worked as well. in my teens i started putting myself down in front of others so that i dont have to carry around high expectations of my famil... View more

hey its my first post and here goes my issues as far as i remember i am always hard on myself and it always worked as well. in my teens i started putting myself down in front of others so that i dont have to carry around high expectations of my family(i was the bright one) but before i knew it i actually start feeling insecure, not good enough and people will know i am just a fake. its been really hard lately i have started smoking weed as people from my work do and thats only social life i have(i moved to australia two years ago). i pretty much have to otherwise there is nothing else to do. i am not that bright anymore i suck at worst of things. i am last person to think that i would end up this way. i did try to force myself to go up and back to nirmal but it didn't work. i am back in depression i think. i am tired of trying so much for so long. my visa will end next year and i still dont have any plans for the future. i said no to my boss at work for covering shift as i had plans with my friend and we talked about not working but he cancelled on me and and went on the shift instead of me. i feel like an idiot. so i ended up smoking weed by myself(first time to do myself). i dont know how am i going to work now? i am avoiding responsibilities lately as i have two bikes i wanna sell one as i need the money but not making enough efforts. i need to learn how to cook for my future but cant be bothered to put the effort in. i have to pay college next month but have no plans about coming up with the money. i am pretty much scre### but cant be bothered to do anything about it. any help, advice is greatly appreciated btw i am male 22 years old if that helps in better understanding of the situation.

Kobi Dating and depression
  • replies: 1

Hi Everyone, I'm new to this forum and am hoping for some advice. I've been separated for 5 years now. My husband cheated on me when I was pregnant. I stupidly remained in the marriage however he then left the day after our eldest daughter was diagno... View more

Hi Everyone, I'm new to this forum and am hoping for some advice. I've been separated for 5 years now. My husband cheated on me when I was pregnant. I stupidly remained in the marriage however he then left the day after our eldest daughter was diagnosed with autism. He also told his friends he was separating with me before telling me. Since separating I have suffered with depression and low self esteem - no one knows as I'm able to hide it when I'm with friends and family. I've been in a couple of brief relationships since but they usually fizzle out as I think they find me not interesting or unattractive once they get to know me. I'm at the point now where I don't believe I will ever find love because in 44 years no man has ever loved me. I'm absolutely lonely and need advice - has anyone ever met anyone when they are depressed (and in reality hates themselves)? Im back on tinder after not dating for a year and have a date planned for tomorrow but I'm wondering if I should just cancel it until I hopefully one day feel better about myself? thanks you!