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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Is_love_enough_ When is it time to put me first?
  • replies: 9

My husband and I have been together since teenagers, going on 15 years, both in our 30's now. We are very different, but now it's really starting to matter. He's always been a binge drinker often mixing with drugs, generally ending up in a drunken di... View more

My husband and I have been together since teenagers, going on 15 years, both in our 30's now. We are very different, but now it's really starting to matter. He's always been a binge drinker often mixing with drugs, generally ending up in a drunken disaster, ie, getting lost with no phone, getting headbutted by a bouncer etc. I used to be able to have a few drinks myself and have fun, but now I worry so much about him I can never relax and have a good time with him around. But now it's gotten worse, he's started to dabble with ICE & it is something I most definitely don't want anything to do with. I confronted him about it & he said he was just trying it & wasn't doing it anymore. But now I'm pretty sure he is using again & I don't know what to do. I love him so much & I know he loves me, but he's just so depressed about his life, says he hates it & nothing but death will fix it. I don't think he's suicidal, but I just don't understand what's so shit about his life? We have well paying jobs, nice stuff, roof over our head, & each other. Does that mean he thinks life with me is shit? I try so hard to keep him happy, always walking on eggshells. My love for him is infinite, but at what point is love itself no longer enough? His unhappiness is making me unhappy & he won't do anything about it. He won't talk to me about anything, so there's no way he would ever see a counselor or anyone. The ice use us a big deal, but now it's much more than that, there's a reason he's doing it & he just won't let me in. Im at a crossroads as to whether or not to leave him, I worry so much about him & what he would do, where he would go, would he become a full blown addict? I don't want that for him. But I'm suffering so much anxiety & worrying myself sick with what to do. I often think that it would be so much easier if one of us died so I didn't have to choose. I'm so exhausted.

D_amp_Asupport Lonely
  • replies: 3

Hey All, I've been separated for six months and living alone for the first time. I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I am keeping as busy as possible, but when I get home to an empty house I really struggle. I do voluntary work and belong to seve... View more

Hey All, I've been separated for six months and living alone for the first time. I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I am keeping as busy as possible, but when I get home to an empty house I really struggle. I do voluntary work and belong to several groups, but I find I am constantly on dating sites. Any suggestions welcome. TIA

Spent At a crossroads
  • replies: 7

Hi all, I'm at a point where I need to talk, and decide which way I'm going. I'm 41, and been married for 8 years. I have 2 beautiful girls 4 and 5. My situation is that my wife and kids live in a regional town where my wife works in the family busin... View more

Hi all, I'm at a point where I need to talk, and decide which way I'm going. I'm 41, and been married for 8 years. I have 2 beautiful girls 4 and 5. My situation is that my wife and kids live in a regional town where my wife works in the family business, and my kids go to school there. I'm currently trying to make the move up there as well, to live in the nice house we are buying, and make a life for us in our regional paradise. Finances are tight, though we're not poor. The decisions for our living arrangements were decided jointly, as was the decision to buy the luxury house in the regional area. Finances are tight and we were supposed to be in a holding pattern for a year or so, (ie survival mode) so we could pay down some debt and reconsolidate. My wife has been spending up big, doing a lot of renovations (most of which are cosmetic, and not urgent), replacing all the kitchen gadgets, etc. She works part time and we'd agreed a budget, but she constantly has her hand out for bill money, wants a new car etc. I've been sticking to the budget and sending what money I can. The thing is, that I am constantly insulted, belittled, called a dud dad. I get screamed at for the most trivial things (eg one of my daughters shoes couldn't be found, resulting in me being screamed at for an hour - later I found it in a toy box). I get blamed for things that I could not conceivably be at fault for (eg my wife missed a school mothers day event, and my daughter was in tears. I was working on site at the time, though this was apparently my fault, because my wife shouldn't have to work at all). I work constantly (work, finishing renovations in capital city house so it can be rented, work on regional house, when I'm there), but nothing I do is right, or good enough. I finish something that was requested, but I did it all wrong. I have a phone full of insulting sms's. I am berated if I do anything for me, such as hobbies. I am often threatened with divorce, she'll "take everything I've got and not have to work due to maintenance", and right now, divorce seems like a good choice to escape. If I go down this route, it will be messy, and I will struggle to be able to see my kids due to distance, which will break my heart (and theirs). Have tried some counselling - everything was my fault. I am crippled by indecisions and am utterly spent emotionally, and physically exhausted. I cry often and am struggling to cope with the pressure.

RctBogus New Career, New Priotities
  • replies: 3

Hey guys, this is the first time I've decided that I don't think I can handle this in my own. My situation is this: I'm 29 years old and 8 years into a relationship which has no children but lots of pets, and we share mostly everything. I have also w... View more

Hey guys, this is the first time I've decided that I don't think I can handle this in my own. My situation is this: I'm 29 years old and 8 years into a relationship which has no children but lots of pets, and we share mostly everything. I have also worked in the same easy-ish job for 8 years and my gf has always been my priority, and the most exciting thing in my life. Her life has been extremely difficult in the last 5 years with the death of her mother and the seperat ion from her father, who kicked us out of the family home to move his new family in. I've never really been thrilled with our sex life and I've always looked for other things to fulfil my life (golf, video games, football etc.) but things have changed a lot in the last month or so. I applied for the Vic Police and finally got in after 2 years, and I thought everything would improve when I got the job. The 2 years of waiting were full of optimism and positivity with the concept of a new change, but now that I'm in, I'm having the most amazing time with my new mates and my priorities have vastly changed, and I'm not sure what to do.

beau2016 To stay or leave
  • replies: 2

I have been with my partner for three years and for the last two of those three years we have been talking about moving in together. Even though my boyfriend always agrees we should he always seems to find an excuse or way to stop this from happening... View more

I have been with my partner for three years and for the last two of those three years we have been talking about moving in together. Even though my boyfriend always agrees we should he always seems to find an excuse or way to stop this from happening. I keep thinking that one day it will happen but I am paranoid that I will be stuck in the same situation in the next three years. It weighs on my mind so much that I am constantly depressed and anxious so I decided to give the ultimatum, "We either move in together by the end of the year or we call it quits, I need you to tell me if you don't want to live together", I'm still waiting on the answer and we haven't been talking to each other for the last few days. I'm so depressed, I don't eat and I find myself crying at the drop of a hat. I love him so much but how can I keep going this way where he is happy but I am unhappy and settling for less than I want. Is it time that I accept that it just isn't going to happen and end it?

RNE Desperate for answers
  • replies: 1

Long story short: single mum of 3 (10, 4, 3) and have a chronic illness, middle child is epileptic. 100% care as father is incarcerated on child porn charges. Little assistance from family and friends. Struggling with maintaining household, stretchin... View more

Long story short: single mum of 3 (10, 4, 3) and have a chronic illness, middle child is epileptic. 100% care as father is incarcerated on child porn charges. Little assistance from family and friends. Struggling with maintaining household, stretching finances (no child support) and illness. Children are defiant and go out of their way to hurt me and damage property. Eldest is at school. Middle attends kindy 2.5 days and youngest is at child care 2 days per week. I'm not even sure where to begin looking for assistance - I'm at my wits end and I'm ready to run away. PLEASE HELP!

Paul_12am Can't deal with it
  • replies: 4

Through a bit ofof peer pressure I went to a brothel and cheated on my wife of 12 years I instantly regretted it and could not deal with it, I felt sick my heart felt like it was going to pop out of my chest I was worried about stds even though it wa... View more

Through a bit ofof peer pressure I went to a brothel and cheated on my wife of 12 years I instantly regretted it and could not deal with it, I felt sick my heart felt like it was going to pop out of my chest I was worried about stds even though it was protected, I couldn't live with my self so 3 days later I told my wife, she is a strong woman and sees I am a reck so we start to work it out, so as I am freaking out about stds I try to find out more about the brothel and the lady I was with when I come across some one on a forum say that lady was a boy once but had a full operation and now is woman, I don't know if I can live with that feeling, I spoke to the guy that took me and he said he has been with her and he thinks she is and always was a woman, I can't eat I can't sleep my mind won't switch off, I can't deal with this, I have been tested blood and urine waiting for results and I also saw a psychologist but that was before I found out about the sex change please help me

Dorian_Gray Now that her dream has come true....
  • replies: 7

To set the scene, about a year ago after my then girlfriend/goddessdumped me I was suicidal for about 3 months, had plans everything, but soughtprofessional help and by around August/September last year was largely back tobeing OK with things.So toda... View more

To set the scene, about a year ago after my then girlfriend/goddessdumped me I was suicidal for about 3 months, had plans everything, but soughtprofessional help and by around August/September last year was largely back tobeing OK with things.So today I found out (accidentally/unintentionally) that shehas finally gotten a job in her dream career, and is with someone else. I didn’t want/ask for details.It’s left me despairing, yet enraged....thinking what have Iachieved in that time...nothing...all I have is a litany of rejections andfailure to look back on over the last year... I feel cheated out of what should’vebeen mine, I’ve gotten no rewards for any of my efforts (a reward only countsif you value it). To have struggled forso long, and felled so easily....And then what kind of person does that makeme, that I hate the fact she’s moved on with her life successfully...”the more Isee pleasures about me, so much more I feel torment within me”....am I selfish/ungratefulfor thinking thus, for looking on others happiness with bitter envy...seekingmy own yet always failing and so despising others even more?I have really no one to talk to about things like thisanymore, being angry over others good fortune and self-pity is not endearingbut it is how I feel - has anyone here had a similar feeling/situation? Anyadvice? beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:107%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Sancar New and so unhappy
  • replies: 9

Hi, I'm not sure about being on this site, maybe I should keep trying to deal with things myself. But I just need somebody to talk to. I have been suffering from depression for as long as I can remember. I had a difficult childhood, molested by a rel... View more

Hi, I'm not sure about being on this site, maybe I should keep trying to deal with things myself. But I just need somebody to talk to. I have been suffering from depression for as long as I can remember. I had a difficult childhood, molested by a relative for years, parents who hated each other and always felt second best. Over the last couple of years I have lost a friend, my mother, my sister in law, my husband of 41 years and my constant companion, my dog. To top that off my eldest son moved to Canada, I have one son here but he is very busy and although he tries to keep in touch it's not easy for him. I had been going to lunch with a group of women once a fortnight for about 20 years. There were four of us and it was a good day out, I think it helped me keep the loneliness away. All was well with this group until a fifth person joined. Although I have know this woman for many years, we have never been close. Since she joined I have noticed that I am being cut out. Conversations seem to be between two people and I'm the one sitting there with nobody to talk to. I don't know if I did the right thing but I told the group that I would take a break from our lunches as I was feeling like a fifth wheel. It's been six months since I made the break and I would like to go back but not every time. So I sent a message to one of the ladies but she didn't reply. After a couple of weeks I sent a message to another one of the girls but again no reply. Should I keep trying or give up?

wendy_smith Depressed boyfriend has started lying
  • replies: 2

Hi all, my boyfriend &I have been together for over 2.5 years. We have broken up twice in that time due to his depression & warped logic of thinking he needed to dramatically change his life to then change himself. When we broke up the 2nd time & bef... View more

Hi all, my boyfriend &I have been together for over 2.5 years. We have broken up twice in that time due to his depression & warped logic of thinking he needed to dramatically change his life to then change himself. When we broke up the 2nd time & before we got back together again, he slept with a girl I had been cautious about for 6 or so months so as to try & prevent me from getting back with him because he didn't want me to experience his depression/be the victim of it. I forgave him & we resumed our relationship slowly. Since then, we have improved a lot & are more understanding of one another. However, about a month ago he decided to stop taking antidepressants & seeing his psychologist as he had the mentality that if he actually achieved anything good, it wouldn't be due to him but rather medication or someone else telling him. I disagreed with this. He confessed to me too that he had been abusing marijuana for a few months & so we agreed that if he were to do it again, he'd tell me. 4 days ago, I found out he had bought a small amount but when I confronted him about it, he lied. I asked him to prove it to me & so he let me go through his facebook account. He forgot there was messages there about him buying some and so confessed. I told him that lying will destroy our relationship. He agreed & said he would try not to. However, last night he had experimented with another drug (not a life threatening or highly addictive one though) & did not tell me. This was not marijuana, but I still felt like he had lied to me because he hadn't told me & had said he was going to bed. The only reason I knew he did it was because I went onto his Facebook account to see if he had been telling me the truth over the past few days & found messages saying he had taken it. I called him to have a random conversation &then, when he seemed a bit "off", I asked him what was wrong. He claimed nothing & I asked if he was sure & then asked if he had done any drugs. He said no& then I kept on going back to it in our conversation &he repeatedly denied it. He only confessed when I told him that I had asked his friend & his friend had said yes (this was a lie on my part).He claims he lies about these things because he doesn't want to be told off & he doesn't think of how it will hurt me, only of his impulsive nature to have fun. He is an impulsive person (as you can probably tell) but I don't know what to do re-build trust & get him to tell the truth. Please help!