Help! Everything is crashing down around me after baby

[Zoe1010]

I don't even know where to start! My hubby has 3 kids, I have 2, and together we have a brand new amazing baby boy. I adore him. But the juggling act of a blended family is too much now, I once used to cope so well, now I feel like I'm utterly failing. I have had anxiety for 10 years, I am medicated, my son was born having withdrawals from my severe anxiety mediation during pregnancy, and was in special care for a week. I will never forgive myself, though I know I needed my medication. I was half moved into a house when we got home finally from hospital. My home is so big now that I can barely keep up with housework! Washing!!!! Oh the washing!!! The last week I feel like I hav really fallen apart. My husband is amazing and I love him so much, but I feel so lost all the time and I know he doesn't deserve this. I am spacey, drained, tired because I am up all night and can't sleep. He works really long hours and here I am complaining when he finally comes home. I cry all the time because I feel like I'm loosing control of things I would usually be on top of. I've been taking my moods out on my husband and I know he doesn't deserve it. I feel like the worst mother as I can't even bring myself to make a bed some days the exhaustion of fatigue gets the better of me. I WANT help. I can't feel like this forever. I have recently doubled my medication to what I used to take pre pregnancy in hope that will kick in soon and help me mentally. I have suffered for over 10 years with this condition and it really is my everyday life now. I don't want to tell anyone about how I'm feeling as they will only think I'm seeking attention or I'm worried my children will be taken from me. I am embarrassed. I have only just told my husband what I've been going through and my son is 12 weeks old. I've felt this way since he was 5 weeks. I am terrified of loosing my husband. I don't want him to think that I'm crazy or have lost my mind. He seems really supportive however and said he will attend therapy sessions with me. I don't know where to turn to for help, or who helps in my area. I don't want to feel this anymore I want to be better but because I've suffered for so many years I think I've just come to terms with the fact that I'm going to be crazy my whole life and I'm not even 30 yet : ( I'm lost, confused, stressed, tired, distant, empty, and I just want to be the best mum I can be.

[Kazzl]

Hi Zoe, firstly congratulations on your baby, and on having such a big and lovely family!

Zoe, you are not crazy, nor have you lost your mind. You are stressed and anxious. And that is quite normal for new mums, especially when you have so many little folk to care for. It is also common for new mums to get depressed - post natal depression. Many, many women experience the anxiety or depression that can follow childbirth.

So there's no reason to hide how you're feeling and the sooner you talk with your doctor the better. Also have a look around on the main website, there's some good information there. And perhaps search the web for support services for new mothers, there are a number available, some with helplines that you can call to get support. If things get too overwhelming too, you can call our helpline on 1300 22 4636.

As far as the everyday things go, like housework and such, the best advice I got when I had my kids was to accept a lower standard. Don't bust yourself trying to maintain a perfect house, and rest whenever you can. Your baby doesn't know if the bed's made, and kids don't care. You baby just wants you. And your other kids want a happy, rested, healthy mum. And anyone who expects to walk into a beautiful clean and tidy house when there's a new baby around has never had a baby themselves.

Another bit of advice I was given was to accept any help offered. We try so hard to be seen to cope that we often turn down offers from friends and family. Let them help - let them do some washing for you, bring you some meals, take the older kids out for a while, clean the bathroom, whatever. Let them.

Zoe hun, if you love your kids, and you give them time and attention and look after yourself too then you are a great mum in my view. See you doc about the anxiety, don't worry about the house etc, and enjoy your time with your little ones, they grow up really really quickly!

Very best to you

Kaz