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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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pinkroses Feeling desperate & trapped
  • replies: 17

Hi everyone! Okay I feel like I know what I need to do - but it seems too hard? i have been in a relationship (my 1st relationship) for the past 4 years. The first year was amazing. I felt so loved and like I finally met someone who understood me. Th... View more

Hi everyone! Okay I feel like I know what I need to do - but it seems too hard? i have been in a relationship (my 1st relationship) for the past 4 years. The first year was amazing. I felt so loved and like I finally met someone who understood me. This changed however. It has turned into everything is always my fault, I get called names, I am expected to spend all my free time outside of work with him or I'll get a few nasty voice mails and texts...he says as I don't work as much as him and have very hard earned savings I should be the one paying for the next house rental bond and rent. I always feel financially pressured from him. He has cheated on me I'm fairly sure. I have conversations from an online social account asking for nude photos of people he knows. But I just don't feel like I can leave? How can it be I am treated so bad but I still love him, the old him. i am also scared he would rock up to my mums house where I currently live- Ihad the courage to be taken off the lease in september last year when he kept going out with people from work but wouldn't let me know where he was going and wouldn't let me meet any of them & would come home after two days of no contact drunk...I couldn't take another day of it - he made me feel so isolated but said because I have bipolar / anxiety I wouldn't cope with meeting his friends. I didn't seem him or 4 days after this whole thing and I was just so happy he agreed to take over the lease. I felt like I couldn't go on without him and he messaged me and took me out for tea (well he drove my car, he's never had his license). i feel like no matter what he does I'm trapped and I will never be able to leave. i obviously don't trust him and I'm finding it hard to process. He sent me a few unpleasant messages last night as I accidentally fell asleep at my mums and told me not to come over until tonight. i feel like I have an opportunity to leave since he is in a bad mood, not sure if that makes sense but I feel like I. Will just go back to him. I'm finishing work in 2 hours and I just don't know what to do. Heh has never physically hurt me back feel like I don't have a good enough reason to end it for good. I feel so much more relaxed when I'm at my mums house, he relies on me for everything aswell, I have to drive him on a 2 hour return trip to work most days. I feel like he will lose his job without me and he will get angry and blame me. It would be nice or just focus on myself. cheers

Just Sara What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)
  • replies: 65

I read of so many situations within relationships where people find it difficult to deal with their partner/boss/family/friend etc. "How can I help them to overcome and treat me better?" This plea arrives on the forums every day. The simple (it would... View more

I read of so many situations within relationships where people find it difficult to deal with their partner/boss/family/friend etc. "How can I help them to overcome and treat me better?" This plea arrives on the forums every day. The simple (it would seem) and rational answer is to be the best we can be regardless, and to think of ourselves first. Easier said than done yeah? I was placed in a dangerous situation with a stranger recently. I acted quickly to protect myself and my property with positive results. It was scary and anxiety challenged me afterwards so I called Lifeline. A pearl of wisdom came from her which resonated with me; "You put yourself first and this is to be praised, not questioned" Why is it we don't do this with loved one's or people in our circle of trust until it's too late? First time posters are more than welcome to contribute as well as our regular members! Go for it! Sara xo

Westerosi_Wench Struggling to accept a childless future
  • replies: 2

Hi, This is my first post and I'm here at the suggestion of my husband. I'm really struggling to accept my infertility issues combined with a sudden breakdown of my career. They are unrelated but both happening at the same time and it has created an ... View more

Hi, This is my first post and I'm here at the suggestion of my husband. I'm really struggling to accept my infertility issues combined with a sudden breakdown of my career. They are unrelated but both happening at the same time and it has created an emotional "perfect storm". A bit of back story...We've been attempting to have a baby for quite a few years. Approx 2 years ago we saw a doctor and got tested. Turns out my husband was fine but I have some issues that medication hasn't been able to overcome and it's not something that can be fixed with surgery. I've had countless tests, doctors visits and been pumped full of all kinds of fertility drugs for 2yrs now and am out of options. I have to accept that I'll never be a mother. I have always wanted to have kids and being told it's not going to happen is heartbreaking. I feel defective and useless and some days it has me questioning why I'm even here. I haven't really achieved anything in my life and being unable to have kids means there will be nothing of me to carry on. Some days it's like my life is a dead end street. Im also feeling such self hatred. Why is my body letting me down? Why won't it do the most fundamental thing a woman's body is meant to do ... create life. My shining beacon is my husband. He's my best friend and love of my life. He is being so supportive at the moment and keeps telling me that none of this is my fault. I feel such guilt that because of me he has been robbed of the chance to be a father. He tells me he's at peace with it and is happy to remain a "duo", but how do I know he's not just saying that to make me feel better? I know that obsessing over these things isn't helping and I need to process and accept them in order to move forward. I guess I thought throwing these thoughts out there may help in some way. In the meantime I'm just taking it a day at a time and hoping that one day soon it won't hurt so much. Many thanks for listening.

redgirl-blackdog UPDATED: same s#!+, different day
  • replies: 13

Hi, I'm new here&hoping that venting might help but doubt it. I've been in constant pain for 3 1/2 yrs&separated from alcoholic husband for 9 mths. Neurosurgeon recently told me he would not operate on my neck even tho all other options have been exh... View more

Hi, I'm new here&hoping that venting might help but doubt it. I've been in constant pain for 3 1/2 yrs&separated from alcoholic husband for 9 mths. Neurosurgeon recently told me he would not operate on my neck even tho all other options have been exhausted. I just want to hug my kids with both arms.Last week GP sent me to psychologist,again,hoping to deal with pain, marriage breakdown, grief from father's passing&how I don't seem to be coping that well. I really don't feel like it helps, just talking about the same thing over&over again. And today when ex husband bought twin sons home from access w/e, he started his b.s again. He asked for some bar room memorabilia last month&I told him I would pack it up for him to pick up next day, he agreed, so I did. So yesterday I moved it from where it sat for a month under deck& put in all in plastic bags (rainy day here)&in trailer out front for him to get, he asked why I put it in rubbish bags&threw in trailer&before I had a chance to remind him, he said (in front of boys) that I treat him& marriage like rubbish, I did not argue back, just said it was to protect his stuff from rain. He always turns things around to make me out to be the bad guy.ALWAYS. He has told his family&friends that I just stopped loving him. We were married for 9yrs, together 2yrs before that&in that time he was never a handyman, a demo man who was "gunna" fix stuff or get a mate to help but never did, I believed him when he said he was getting help organized. We didn't have a cold tap in bathroom sink for last 4yrs or hot tap for bath for last 7yrs or gutter/downpipe on front patio for last 6 yrs among plenty of other things but he was often away for w/e "helping" mates with their jobs(read drinking). I've since been told by him, we didn't go out anywhere because he was "always" doing jobs around the house that I made him do &/or it was because we couldn't afford to fix , but "we" could still afford 2 + cartons of beer every week®o/insurance for broken down V8 ute in garage he was gonna fix.The twins are nearly 10&are just learning to swim cause I believed him when he said he'd get it organised. Stupid me believed him about lots of things. Even when I pleaded with him to slow down drinking for him/kids/me. As I write this the kitchen tap is dripping relentlessly& it's just about to send me over the edge. I can't afford a plumber this week but I have to put up with it for the sake of my kids. If it wasn't for my kids... I love them more

theguy getting tired of everything
  • replies: 1

hey its my first post and here goes my issues as far as i remember i am always hard on myself and it always worked as well. in my teens i started putting myself down in front of others so that i dont have to carry around high expectations of my famil... View more

hey its my first post and here goes my issues as far as i remember i am always hard on myself and it always worked as well. in my teens i started putting myself down in front of others so that i dont have to carry around high expectations of my family(i was the bright one) but before i knew it i actually start feeling insecure, not good enough and people will know i am just a fake. its been really hard lately i have started smoking weed as people from my work do and thats only social life i have(i moved to australia two years ago). i pretty much have to otherwise there is nothing else to do. i am not that bright anymore i suck at worst of things. i am last person to think that i would end up this way. i did try to force myself to go up and back to nirmal but it didn't work. i am back in depression i think. i am tired of trying so much for so long. my visa will end next year and i still dont have any plans for the future. i said no to my boss at work for covering shift as i had plans with my friend and we talked about not working but he cancelled on me and and went on the shift instead of me. i feel like an idiot. so i ended up smoking weed by myself(first time to do myself). i dont know how am i going to work now? i am avoiding responsibilities lately as i have two bikes i wanna sell one as i need the money but not making enough efforts. i need to learn how to cook for my future but cant be bothered to put the effort in. i have to pay college next month but have no plans about coming up with the money. i am pretty much scre### but cant be bothered to do anything about it. any help, advice is greatly appreciated btw i am male 22 years old if that helps in better understanding of the situation.

Kobi Dating and depression
  • replies: 1

Hi Everyone, I'm new to this forum and am hoping for some advice. I've been separated for 5 years now. My husband cheated on me when I was pregnant. I stupidly remained in the marriage however he then left the day after our eldest daughter was diagno... View more

Hi Everyone, I'm new to this forum and am hoping for some advice. I've been separated for 5 years now. My husband cheated on me when I was pregnant. I stupidly remained in the marriage however he then left the day after our eldest daughter was diagnosed with autism. He also told his friends he was separating with me before telling me. Since separating I have suffered with depression and low self esteem - no one knows as I'm able to hide it when I'm with friends and family. I've been in a couple of brief relationships since but they usually fizzle out as I think they find me not interesting or unattractive once they get to know me. I'm at the point now where I don't believe I will ever find love because in 44 years no man has ever loved me. I'm absolutely lonely and need advice - has anyone ever met anyone when they are depressed (and in reality hates themselves)? Im back on tinder after not dating for a year and have a date planned for tomorrow but I'm wondering if I should just cancel it until I hopefully one day feel better about myself? thanks you!

Phoenix1976 Feeling so alone
  • replies: 15

Hi all, First time poster. I suffer from major depression, and have been on and off meds for a number of years. I had been in a long term lesbian relationship with someone who has their own incurable disease. The first few years were really hard as s... View more

Hi all, First time poster. I suffer from major depression, and have been on and off meds for a number of years. I had been in a long term lesbian relationship with someone who has their own incurable disease. The first few years were really hard as she was having problems with her illness. We got through that, but I always thought she didn't love me, and would leave me when someone better came along. It was a rocky relationship. 2 years ago we broke up, my depression was a problem, my anxiety and insecurities were also a problem. We stayed living together with her paying me rent. I have a large mortgage, we have a number of animals together, and just after we broke up I was made redundant. My job was a major contributing factor to the depression, and I have never wanted to go back into that industry again. I have been working casually since, in a job I like, but one that doesn't pay enough. She has now found someone new, and will be moving out in a few months. Everything has just hit rock bottom. I am so stressed about not being able to pay the mortgage, about feeding the dogs, about everything, but most of all our friendship is now in the toilet as well. She's seeing her new girl most nights a week, I feel so very very alone. I have friends but none of them are close. I've pushed them away, lashed out at them, and lashed out at my ex. I have ruined just about every good friendship I have had because of this hideous depression. I don't want to be unhappy, but I make everyone around me unhappy. I have so many regrets, I could of communicated with her better, could of saved the relationship, or atleast tried to work it out, but I didn't. I am just so unmotivated to do anything. Looking after the dogs is a struggle, I do it, but it's hard, and I keep looking at them thinking they would be better off with someone else, but they are all I have. I don't want to lose them too. I don't want life to be so hard, it's not what I would even call a life, I am just going through the motions. In the past 2 months I have lost about 10 kg as I am just not eating. I don't want to spend money on anything as I will need every dollar I earn to pay the mortgage. I just don't know where to begin in getting better. Most of all, I really miss the support I was getting from my ex, I don't have it anymore, and I feel so alone.

Munkygurl13 Feeling unlovable
  • replies: 3

I am 43 and have Bipolar. I have had a number of relationships none lasting longer than 3 years. The last relationship was in 2010. I have lots of friends and family that love me and support me. But when it comes to relationships I feel unlovable. I ... View more

I am 43 and have Bipolar. I have had a number of relationships none lasting longer than 3 years. The last relationship was in 2010. I have lots of friends and family that love me and support me. But when it comes to relationships I feel unlovable. I have a lot of males friends that care about me and the guys that I am interested in end up being friends. I just cannot find that one person who can love me for who I am. I don't go out searching for love, I don't need someone to make me happy, but I do want to find someone who is a friend and partner. I am unemployed but take care of my self and have had to move back home with my parents for a while to save paying rent. I don't have any children as never in a relationship long enough & now I have endometriosis. I feel as though when guys hear these things they never actually try and get to know me or else they feel sorry for me. I don't want someone to feel sorry for me or feel like they have to look after me. I can do that myself! I just want someone to love me.

jillybeans Family drama
  • replies: 8

Hi I'm new here. Have suffered depression on and off for many years. Seems to be triggered by my family's dislike/hate of my husband. Been together 23 years. I have never been able to stand up for him and I have to admit he has some irritating featur... View more

Hi I'm new here. Have suffered depression on and off for many years. Seems to be triggered by my family's dislike/hate of my husband. Been together 23 years. I have never been able to stand up for him and I have to admit he has some irritating features and has said some pretty awful things about my family. Now my daughter aged 30 won't speak to him because of things he said to her. It is breaking my heart. Have tried to leave him lots of times but never able to stay away long. It has caused a major rift in my family. My family think he is controlling. He has loved me endlessly and I've put him through so much but I do sympathise with my family - he has been at odds and awful to them on occasion. I am so torn I just don't know what to do any more. He has had enough. It makes me so depressed but again I blame him, not my family. We are both worn out. I should say my daughter lives interstate. She is quiet like me but refuses to put up with my husband's treatment any more. He made her less than welcome (she lives interstate) and he says it's her attitude to him that's the problem. I've tried to leave because I see no other way, the pressure is enormous. However, my brother especially is supportive of me and believe I will only be happy if I can get him out of my life. I am seeing a counsellor next week but in the meantime I am so depressed about the whole situation and can't seem to stay on one track in how to solve this mess. Any suggestions greatly appreciated.

___4 I've lost the spark and romance. What do you suggest I do?!?!
  • replies: 1

So basically id like some advice on how to go about improving my current relationship with my partner. We have been together for some years now and we hang out quite often but with recent struggles with my own happiness I'm starting to lose the spark... View more

So basically id like some advice on how to go about improving my current relationship with my partner. We have been together for some years now and we hang out quite often but with recent struggles with my own happiness I'm starting to lose the spark & the romance I had. We barley have sex anymore. Our friendship group thinks we act like "just good mates" (which is true, they're not a huge pda person which I'm trying to adapt to still but I think that's also what's made me so cold towards them in a romantic feel. That they won't show it so I need to get back at them and not do it to them also, public or private ). I love them with all my heart and can't imagine life with out them. They're a huge support line for me and encourage me to do my best everyday but I'm so cold to them lately. I don't feel like myself and feel we're not in a good place but it's my attitude towards the relationship that needs to change but I find it difficult to. I hate the "just friends" thing and that really upset me hearing our friends think that but they only told me that, not my partner and I feel if I bring it up my partner will only say "well I do love you, you know it too but you also know I don't show it much around others but I show it to you" etc etc. and I know they do love me, I love them. But I can't help but feel so cold towards them quite often lately and it's not healthy for any of us as my partner will just think it's due to work struggles or something but it's about him but it's my fault.. Sorry for the ramble I just needed to vent..