Social Anxiety with Old Friends
I am new to this forum and am very grateful that it exists. I
am currently facing some depression and anxiety about a friendship group I had
from high school. We have been friends for around 12 years and I feel like we
have grown apart.
A few years ago when I was being bullied by another person in
the group I felt like the girls were not there for me and really felt let down
by it all. Of the group I had expected that a few of the girls would have said
something, comforted me or checked if I was okay but no one did. So I gave up
and stopped expecting. I completely withdrew from the group for about a year
and half and no one really reached out. I made new friends and bless my fiancé
(my rock) has always been there for me and we have a very loving life together
along with our families and other friends.
Lately after some work on myself, I decided that life long
friends are hard to find, and after all that time apart maybe I should reach
out. I did that and seemed to get not a lot back, from them collectively. I
carry some resentment as I felt so alone because of them in the past, not to sound like a victim by any
means. But its the same as ever. We are getting married next year and I was and
am genuinely confused weather to invite this group of friends to our wedding. I
love them and would help them in any way, but I feel like it's not a real friendship. They never exclude me
personally, very inclusive and nice enough. But I feel anxious before and after
seeing them as I feel that resentment build up. And also have no idea where I
stand with them on a one on one level. I asked my self the question would they
be upset to not be invited to our wedding and truely the answer I think would
be more so upset they dont get to participate in a wedding not mine personally.
Honestly it is getting me down, even though I have a lot to
be happy and greatful about. I would love some guidance:
- Should I speak to them and let them know my feelings and
see if its all a misunderstanding over the last few years
- Should I email them and say how i feel in a very kind
respectful way, honour the friendship and part ways
- Should I just hide away from them and delete them off all
social media and start a new life
Thank you all.
There are unfortunately people in our life who are only there as long as all is well. True friendship not only survives adversity but is also strengthened by it. Being disappointed by those we care about always comes as an emotional blow...but it motivates us to make choices that require honest soul searching.
No one can make a decision for you. Writing down your thoughts about each option would help clarify them to yourself. Only you can decide whether you want to include those who have let you down when you needed them or whether you deserve better. Do you need such people in your life, why do you or don't you ? What would you miss about them and why ?
I know what I would do and with no hesitation...but we're all different.
Sorry all I can offer is more questions...but I think answering them in all honesty will help you make the right decision.
A wedding is a momentous milestone, you will want to be surrounded by those who matter to you. It is YOUR big day. It is YOUR feelings that matter most here, not those of potential guests. Who do you want to share your happiness with ?
I wish you and your fiance all the best.