Partners addiction getting overwhelming

scuzzie45 · ‎14-10-2016

This is my first post. I am not sure what to write. I am currently lying in bed following an argument with my partner about his marijuana addiction.

People probably thinking I am crazy because its not an addictive drug, but I believe it is. Im not sure how to get through to my partner. I have urged him to seek help about it but he just wont. I am not sure what to do next.

Sometimes we go out for a nice night out and enjoy ourselves but as soon as we get home he rushes straight to his stash to smoke, i have to drive him everywhere as a consequence. I have spent so long thinking it must be me maybe i am the problem he is trying to avoid. I have communicated this to him but he tells me it isnt me.

We started using a safe to try and lock it away until weekends but he will still want it during the week and gets destructive when he doesn't. He has already broken the safe.

I am usually a very motivated and happy person but this is really getting me down and i am worried it will pull me further and further down.

I dont want to leave him because i love him and i know without help he would possibly spiral further into trouble and i would not want that for him.

MarkJT · ‎14-10-2016

Scuzzie45, a difficult position that you are in so well done for reaching out on the forum to get some possible answers.

A simple Google search reveals that marijuana addiction a very real disorder. Would your BF got to a GP to discuss this or to a psych? When people have addictions, sometimes they are the last to realise it so you have to find a way that he learns of this. If an addiction is impacting on your life, which this on obviously is, then steps must be taken to address it.

There are many drug helplines out there and also the beyondblue helpline - 1300 224 636. They would be a good place to start.

You are not in this journey alone. There are many people in the same situation so keep reaching out, keep seeking answers and keep going, you are doing an awesome job so far. There would be others who would have bunked out by now.

Cheers

Mark.

scuzzie45 · ‎14-10-2016

Thanks Mark.

Unfortunately he 'doesnt believe' in that kind of thing or at least his pride doesnt let him. He does not believe he is doing anything wrong, as his close friends are also into it and other drugs.

We are currently trying to buy a house and i am wondering now if i should do this if he is going to continue on like this.

Marijuana makes people very lazy so i am then forced to do all of the work around the house. This might sound a bit selfish but he literally does nothing if he smokes every day.

My brain just feels so scattered. I dont want the rest of my life to be like this but i fear my partner is depressed and want to support him.

geoff · ‎15-10-2016

hello Scuzzie, Mark's reply is good, smoking marijuana is an addiction that's why he has tried to break the safe and as soon as you get home that's the first thing he wants to do is smoke weed.
It has the same pull as alcohol does for an alcoholic and if he's not strong enough then weed can lead onto other hard drugs as this has happened many times and makes you situation even more difficult.
The same argument could happen if your partner needs to drink alcohol all the time, but alcohol is only alcohol whereas weed can lead onto other drugs and that's a real problem that may happen or may not.
The trouble is that smoking weed still has that strong addiction, whether you go out he could have a bong in the car so he will frequently go back to the car so he can have some weed, in other words it's something that he needs.
Many people are able to stop when ever they have the willpower, however if wants to start a new job or if he is working the company may want to drug test everyone, but the trouble is that even if he does stop smoking it, the drug test will show a positive result months after, it stays in your system for a long time, so there is no way out of trying to disguise it.
I know you love him but if he had a choice you or the weed you would be upset and disappointed, even though he will say it's you, however if you posed a question to him 'do you want to be intimate' I wonder whether he will say just a moment and then smoke a bong, sorry. Geoff.

geoff · ‎16-10-2016

hi Scuzzie, I was hoping that you may have replied,because my deepest concern is that if you do want to buy a house with your partner who wants to smoke marijuana then I have deep reservations whether you should or not, especially when his friends are into other drugs.
If you would like me to explain why then I hope to hear back from you. Geoff. x

MarkJT · ‎16-10-2016

Scuzzie, when someone doesn't believe something, we need to prove them wrong. This can be done is a nice and respectful way. Are you able to have a chat with him, outline your concerns and then see if he would sit down, with you, at the GP or a drug counselor? When you have an expert in the field of drugs and/or health, even those people who are skeptical about having an addiction or believe that the drugs are not doing them harm, can be swayed.

The key to it is to keep the conversation respectful and not treating him like a kid. Someone how you have to find a way for him to realise that his behavior is destructive.

Cheers

Mark.

scuzzie45 · ‎02-11-2016

Hi Geoff,

Sorry for the delay. I still feel like i cant just abandon him because he would potentially fall down a deep hole and into the world of worse drugs. Its just when he is sober he is great and i can talk to him. He just doesnt want to see a GP or drug counselor. Finding Housing isnt really working right now anyway so i doubt we will get anything in near future.

scuzzie45 · ‎02-11-2016

I have literally tried everything aside from calling someone in and ambushing him, which is a last resort because he will probably leave. He doesnt want to sit down with anyone because he doesnt want any record of him smoking. He is constantly paranoid. Another great side effect. He knows its a problem but he just doesnt seem to care about changing it. Im just lost...

Apollo_Black · ‎02-11-2016

I'm sorry, but until he realises there are consequences then he will continue to do whatever he wants. You're supporting his behaviour by driving him around. You don't want to leave him as he might spiral down further but it looks like that's happening anyway and he's taking you with him. You need to decide how much you're willing to tolerate. So, he gets two options from you:

A) He gets professional help and stops smoking pot

OR

B) End of relationship (have your bags packed and ready - or have his bags packed and ready)

I can't imagine you'd be happy with presenting these options (and if you did you'd have to be willing to follow through if he chose option B) so you either need to get professional help yourself to manage things and prepare, or you simply tolerate things as they are.