Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Goofy41 When the irrational overrides the rational
  • replies: 7

Earlier this year my husband and I went through a really rough patch in which I thought he would leave me due to the pressures of dealing with my depression. I'm glad to say that he didn't and we have slowly begun to rebuild our relationship. Just la... View more

Earlier this year my husband and I went through a really rough patch in which I thought he would leave me due to the pressures of dealing with my depression. I'm glad to say that he didn't and we have slowly begun to rebuild our relationship. Just last week he had to have an operation which, although not serious in the big scheme of things, has left him in a lot of pain and off work for at least the next 8 to 10 weeks. He is a week into his post-op healing and still on quite a few painkillers. I wish I could say that I am coping well in helping to look after him, but I'm not. Although I know that physical pain can cause tempers to be short, and painkillers can knock our thinking off quilter, I am almost embarrased to say that I am finding myself offended by his actions. I've noticed my depression getting worse since he's come out of hospital, and my ability to deal with what he needs have gone down hill as well. I want to be there for him but I'm finding his need for independance to be hurtful and don't know how to reconcile this in my head. I wish the rational part of my brain would kick in and start working just as it does for every other area of my life. Why is this such an issue for me? It is only today that I've noticed my work going down hill as well, I'm making stupid mistakes and not able to think straight. I keep telling myself that he will heal but it will take time, and that if I were in his shoes I would probably be much the same. I actually think I've been so used to being the person needing the help that having the table's turned has highlighted a massive gap in my ability to cope. Basically I don't think I should be feeling like this when my husband is the one whose just had an op and is in pain.

Stephd91 Cannot move on, extreme anxiety, hate life
  • replies: 5

So I am a 24 year old girl and i have been on and off with my bf for 7 years. Ive had bfs before who have treated me bad and ive just left and never lost sleep over. But with this bf its taking over my life. If in not with him and he doesnt want me e... View more

So I am a 24 year old girl and i have been on and off with my bf for 7 years. Ive had bfs before who have treated me bad and ive just left and never lost sleep over. But with this bf its taking over my life. If in not with him and he doesnt want me everything in life is depressing and nothing makes me happy. As soon as i get a msg from him i get so incredibly happy. I cant even begin to explain the bad things hes done to me you wouldn't understand why i still want him if i did. I just bought him a silver chain for his 30th & took him to a hotel and dinner for our anniversary, i never get anything in return but i accept it. I am his first gf and hes always said hes not interested in anyone but me. I believed that. He has depression anxiety and is on anti psychotics. For the last couple of months we had no intimacy or sexual anything. From his part only. The last couple of weeks ive been so in love and weve been more affectionate. Until last Sat i went through his laptop history and found adult websites. Now you'll probably say oh all guys do it, its normal. This is my ultimate no no and its done. I already have the worst self confidence issues because of him. What makes it worst is he lies and doesnt tell me about it.& we got intimate that weekend the video was watched. i am so confused as to why he'd wanna watch that disgusting stuff. Am i not good enough. I now hate myself even more and im sick of people saying you need to move on or only you can do it. 3 yrs ago i saw a psych and it did nothing. Even been on meds. I cannot get over this guy no matter what. The anxiety that runs through me knowing he doesnt care but we always get back together. But this time i cant get the images out of my head and why he did what hes done and what else does he lie about? Atm im building a house. I have wanted it for over 5 years. You think id be so happy in my life right now, right?? Wrong. Unless i have him, nothing can make me happy. He doesnt work, is over 130kg, has mental health issues but i love him. He says all the time i bring him down. I feel so ugly and not good enough. I just want him to have not done this.how many times. He says just once but he lies and doesnt care. I cant lie to him if i wanted to. Its cheating. Hes watching naked people & enjoying it. Hes not ir typical male who does it. It upsets me that he doesbt msg or reply because to be honest i know he doesnt care about me. What do i do can't get over him. 7 yrs of this and i cant. Help me

Stuck82 Lost, exhausted and hate life!
  • replies: 17

Hi, i hope someone can give me hope that i can be strong enough. I have been together with my husband for 15 years. Married for 10 and we have 2 beautiful boys together. I met him when i was 18 and been with him ever since. I have been depressed for ... View more

Hi, i hope someone can give me hope that i can be strong enough. I have been together with my husband for 15 years. Married for 10 and we have 2 beautiful boys together. I met him when i was 18 and been with him ever since. I have been depressed for a long time but finally got help last year. I see a psychologist and i am also on anti depressants. I see my doctor monthly. I feel not as cloudy on the medication but still very down. I do the jobs that i have to do and make sure my family are looked after and that's it. I do not do anything that i enjoy anymore cause i just dont care. My husband is a child, he plays computer games, drinks alcohol alot. We have been through so much in tbe past 5 years and i have finally had enough. But i don't know what i want anymore. I feel so down. I feel like i want to be on my own but then i cant see myself without my husband. I don't have Facebook or any social media connection, i don't go to any work partys, he hates me working where i work full stop, i cant even get a tattoo. Why? Cause it upsets him! He says i am an attention seeker, a liar, dumb! I don't do any of these things cause i want him to be happy and not be angry at me (even though he never is happy) people say to me to just leave but i can't cause i don't want to upset him and give up. I feel like im not being a good wife if i did. Im going crazy cause i just want to be me and not be put down or judged. But i feel like i can't leave cause i will break up my family i have wanted so much. What do i do? Im exhausted! All i think is, whats he going to feel or think about me!? He'll hate me. I don't talk to him about anything im feeling cause i don't want to argue anymore. Im tired but i feel so stuck. I want my family but i want to be on my own with my kids. I don't know what to feel anymore. I hate my life. I hate what and who i have become! I know i need to fix it but cant. Im miserable and just so down. I feel ive given everything... there is so much more to my story but it just goes on and on. Seeing my psychologist and doctor help but not to a point where i can make a decision. When will i just have enough?

CalculatedRisk Feeling alone in the relationship.
  • replies: 24

Hello all, first post, long time lurker. Brief introduction - 8 years ago diagnosed with anxiety (and depression as a symptom of the anxiety). Went through therapy, all good now. Still on mild medication and regular visits with my GP, but for all int... View more

Hello all, first post, long time lurker. Brief introduction - 8 years ago diagnosed with anxiety (and depression as a symptom of the anxiety). Went through therapy, all good now. Still on mild medication and regular visits with my GP, but for all intents and purposes my life is good - good job, steady income, education coming along. Personally I feel great. Issue I am feeling is with my wife. We have two lovely children, both work etc. However just over 3 years ago I found she was having an emotional affair with an old friend (inter state). Inappropriate pictures/texts being sent back and forth. Long story short I force the couples counselling. So she stopped going about 8 months ago, and went haphazardly prior to then, I was committed to every session and for many many sessions I was going alone to couples counselling (definition of irony). Now for a bit longer than 3 years we've had little way of interpersonal connection (intimacy, just plain talk, time together etc). It has been a topic of contention that she can spent all evening chatting on facebook, but have no time to converse with me. Success rate for intimacy is about 5% all initiated by me, and having had/have social anxiety the constant knock-back is really starting to feel personal, especially given her emotional affair. Too much work, too tired, can't be bothered are common excuses given for any time together (including family time), but if a friend wants a visit....woooosh off she goes leaving me and the children. I'm committed in this relationship, but it feels I have a flat mate whom we share custody of the children and the bills. She is a person who I feel doesn't know the value of something until it is gone. Now I'm not looking for answers, I am here seeking comments from people who have experienced similar. How long does one usually work at a relationship problem before deciding enough is enough? If/when it is time to move on, do you really have to think about it, or does one just know when it is the right time and they just make it happen? I know it may seem harsh, but years of oodles of arguments, emails, reading, counselling.......there is only so much I see I can do to try and resolve things. Unfortunately it doesn't just impact me, it will impact the children for the rest of their life what decision I make. Relationships are a two way street requiring two people to commit, unfortunately I feel very alone with this. Thanks for reading. CalculatedRisk

Mal50 They say that opposites attract...
  • replies: 6

Hello all, my wife and I have been married for 27 years, but in many ways we are complete opposites. I'm a very patient, tolerant person, who exercises diplomacy and kindness as much as is within my ability. However, my wife is the extreme opposite. ... View more

Hello all, my wife and I have been married for 27 years, but in many ways we are complete opposites. I'm a very patient, tolerant person, who exercises diplomacy and kindness as much as is within my ability. However, my wife is the extreme opposite. She very aggressive, even vicious at times, and verbally tears strips off me because I'm not more like her. Because of my gentle demeanour I've been bullied and pushed around all my life, and even forced to do things I wasn't comfortable with (that's putting it mildly). She puts me down and belittles me every day, but I can live with that. I've been put down all my life. However, our oldest son is autistic and lacks somewhat in intelligence and it pains me tremendously when she verbally screams at him and puts him down, calling him brainless and stupid. I feel his pain! Any suggestions would be really appreciated.

Loula Forgiveness and Councelling
  • replies: 6

I was getting professional help for a while and I was actually finding it really really hard to deal with to the point I wouldn't speak for days, eat or sleep. I just couldn't handle bringing up the past and trying to process it and the world around ... View more

I was getting professional help for a while and I was actually finding it really really hard to deal with to the point I wouldn't speak for days, eat or sleep. I just couldn't handle bringing up the past and trying to process it and the world around me. I just fully switched off. But the thing I wound toughest was talking about family that wronged me and then calling up that night for a chat. Like how does one discus there horrible childhood and then talk all nicely to the one that let those horrible things happen. It's like I'm fuming mad at them, they did this to me, I need help because of them but they are family they love me they want the best for me and I just can't be mean. It felt so weird. Has anyone delt with this before? I just don't know what to think or do about it. Part of me wants to tell them to never talk to me again I literally hate you! (I never use the word hate but that's how I feel) Then your my family I feel sorry do you, I love you, you got no one. Im just really confused

Rainforrest Alone again
  • replies: 4

Hi Everyone, I just needed to get this off my chest, I have no-one to talk to. I have just split up with my partner of 2 years. She needed space to find herself. Sounds so cliche doesn't it !! 15 years ago I broke-up with someone after 20 years. She ... View more

Hi Everyone, I just needed to get this off my chest, I have no-one to talk to. I have just split up with my partner of 2 years. She needed space to find herself. Sounds so cliche doesn't it !! 15 years ago I broke-up with someone after 20 years. She was a narcissistic unfaithful liar. I was co-dependent and compromised myself. I had an emotional breakdown and spent 12 years alone rebuilding my life. Then 2 years ago, I met someone special and it felt amazing to share love that felt uncompromised. She was so different to the previous experience, loving, kind and grateful, then it went downhill and she withdrew closed up. I'm just sad, sad it didn't work out, sad she wasn't willing to accept my past and create a future. Sad she didn't feel I was worth it I guess. I never wanted to feel this again although the circumstances are very different the heart aches the same. I am having feelings of unworthiness and not being enough for someone to stay and share life's ups and downs. I know that's not healthy but it's how I feel.

Matt1991 A late bloomer
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I am new. I'm Matt. I am 25 years old virgin and late bloomer male. I have high functioning autism and wears hearing aids. I have communication and social challenges where I couldnt hear people properly if they are out of touch in conversatio... View more

Hi all, I am new. I'm Matt. I am 25 years old virgin and late bloomer male. I have high functioning autism and wears hearing aids. I have communication and social challenges where I couldnt hear people properly if they are out of touch in conversations, and I cannot read nonverbal communication like body language and understanding social cues. I have been counseling for many thousands of years trying to help myself to be a normal guy to get experience of relationships and sex like everybody else who already done it before me. I used to have social anxiety, but now I am a social aspie. Since I moved to Brisbane I made lots of friends through like minded groups and that. University, out in community and so on. I have more female friends than males, this is because they treat guys with disabilities quite well as they are understanding people, and also they have similar passion for the environment that I love. More recently I become ashamed of being a virgin and late bloomer among my peers, because all of my friends already experienced it and I am not. I feel like 25 years old is very late according to research statistics. It makes me depressed when seeing myself left behind of this social human behaviour. I couldn't get dates or close interaction with women since they all friend zoned and rejected me. It hurts so badly when feeling lonely and seeing other people enjoy their times at the same time. I am generally a happy and active person. I always go out meet people through common interests and that. Every week i go out, and also I cope communication challenges depending on the environment conditions like background noise, alcohol smell and crowds. I tend to avoid these situations. I always wondered when and where I finally meet a lady for me. Ever guys had their turns, but why excluding me? Is it being an aspie turns women off?

ant56 I am 60, married 35 years but want to leave everything behind. I want to be alone.
  • replies: 3

I had a very difficult young life, spent 30 years in the Army serving my country, and I loved that service. Married a lovely lady and have two adult children. Have had severe depression over the years, result of service and childhood, counselling and... View more

I had a very difficult young life, spent 30 years in the Army serving my country, and I loved that service. Married a lovely lady and have two adult children. Have had severe depression over the years, result of service and childhood, counselling and medication have dulled me, have kicked the medication and have lost weight. But still troubled greatly. Intimacy problems in marriage, counselling again, no help, problems are mostly mine. I just want to leave everything and move overseas to be alone. I'm misunderstood, and feel I have 10 years of life left where I can try to be myself.

quiet_please Tired of being me/ too sensitive
  • replies: 4

I’m tired of other women being nasty to me. Mean spirited, catty, snide remarks. I don’t understand why people go out of their way to be like this to others. I was abused by my mother from a young child to an adult. I never experienced the warmth and... View more

I’m tired of other women being nasty to me. Mean spirited, catty, snide remarks. I don’t understand why people go out of their way to be like this to others. I was abused by my mother from a young child to an adult. I never experienced the warmth and love that a child receives from their mother. My mother was cold, selfish, mean spirited, abusive and narcissistic. My mother never did anything wrong. We were taught to never have any conflict or assert ourselves, state our needs, argue with her. Everything she said was right and whatever she said, whether it as rude, should just be “ignored”. I never learnt boundaries, to be assertive, conflict skills, self confidence. The list could go on. As such, as an adult, I struggle. I am picked on constantly by other females. They see that I am weak, not able to stand up for myself, quiet, passive and tread all over me. My family members say things to me with no respect. They know they can get away with it because I wont say anything to their face. I am always targeted by bullies. Bullied at school at work. People in public make snide remarks and roll their eyes at me. I always catch others pull faces or make comments behind my back. They think I am a snob. They don’t understand I am quiet and anxious and like to keep to myself. My friends who are supposed to lift me up and support me, say nasty things to me. Why cant they be happy for me? I have never had a close connection with another female. When I almost did as a teenager, my mother destroyed it out of jealousy. I have sisters who are both estranged due to my mothers meddling. I have no connection with them. I have difficulty with forming friendships with other females. I have attachment, boundary and trust issues. I have had generalised anxiety disorder, major depression and social anxiety since a young child. I am a misfit. I am tired of being so sensitive and having all these things get to me. I am tired of not fitting in. I am tired of not having a female support network. I am tired of women being nasty to me. I am tired of being a magnet for toxic people and people taking advantage of my kindness and generosity. My anxious mind goes over things 100 times. I feel lonely and alone