Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

feeling so lost & alone

Community Member
Hi I'm new here. My partner just broke up with me after being together for 14 years & I can't stop crying. I'm haunted by the memories of things we've done together & all the things we were yet to do. I don't have any close friends she was my life my love my best friend now I feel my life is over
10 Replies 10

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi L&E, welcome

I know that empty feeling. I might state the obvious but this is a grieving period you must go through. How do you cushion it?

Keep busy, very busy. Find projects. For me I quivkly found a rural block of land and started clearing it on my free days then a kit house that I built myself.

At times I'd well up uncontrollably. Thats when I'd do the u-turn...google this

Topic: switching mindsets- beyondblue

Things will become clearer for you as time goes by. Eventually you'll settle. Have faith in yourself.

Keep busy

Tony WK

More things to google

Topic: the grief of separation- beyondblue

Topic: rejection its hard to follow- beyondblue


Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi there L,

Welcome to BB, I'm glad you found us. Post break up really can be isolating and sad. Like you say, loads to think through of what has been and could have been. And you can't always talk about it with the people around.

We are happy to listen and chat as you do your thinking.

Sometimes when we go through a break up we stop doing all the little things that are nice and feel good. What are dome of those things for you? I'd be saying to keep on doing them because you are worth it, worth taking care of.


Just Sara
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi L&E - welcome to our caring community;

As Tony states, grieving is where you seem to be. 14 yrs is a long time, do you have family support? You say you don't have close friends, but is there someone you could maybe call on?

Yes, the crying doesn't seem to end does it, I've been there. Allowing yourself to grieve your loss is/will be painful for sure, but necessary for women to move forward. Do you have someone who could stay with you for a while? Having a person to talk with can help with feelings of loneliness.

Please take advantage of Lifeline 131411 and BeyondBlue 1300224636 helplines. They have qualified counselors who'll listen and help to find hope in those moments where life seems hopeless.

Don't forget to be kind and gentle with yourself; you're in a vulnerable state so looking after you is more important than ever. Post on here whenever you want and tell us your story; purge yourself of built up pain and frustration. We're here for you. Especially at times when you begin to ruminate ok. I know this temptation well, it's so easy to get lost in memories.

Take care and let us know how you're going.

Sara (hug)

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi L&E

Oh how I feel your pain, being all too familiar with the loss that you are feeling right now.

The hardest part was that she took away my sense of normalcy in my life. I was so far into her, that I was no longer 'me', rather a part of an 'us'. And then -- without any warning -- I was back to just being a 'me' again, and I couldn't remember how to be just a 'me'. I didn't want to be a 'me', I wanted 'us'. I was just so lost and so confused and so depressed.

Eventually I found BB, just as you have.

A watched pot never boils... what made the biggest benefit for me, was to read through everyone else's issues and woes, and to give my two cent advice. I soon found that worrying about everyone else, made it oh so easy to forget about my problems and let the healing process begin.

Stick around, read and post. Soon you'll be on your mend too.


Community Member
My family aren't close by. One of the hardest things is still loving her & wanting to see her smile & just hug her but she doesn't care or understand what I'm going through she's happy. I want her to be happy she deserves to be but it's still so hard & painful for me & the tears don't stop. I've lost the love of my life my best friend my dreams my hope & I can't be the happy person I once was. I don't care about anything anymore I've lost myself & my zest for life.

Hi again L&E;

Your pain comes thru the page without a doubt. You may have temporarily lost your zest for life, but you still have 'you', albeit frozen with grief, you're here all the same. Situations change, but our ability to survive is innate and will carry you thru to the next phase of your growth; please know this.

I'm sorry you don't have family close or your ex to cling to. When we lose the very people we've turned to in times of helplessness, all we have is 'us'. This is a life lesson learned the hard way I'm afraid; especially those suffering MH issues. We can and do exist and cope alone though...I have for many yrs.

I'm wondering if you'd like to visit our thread; 'The Rainbow Cafe' for LGBTI+ members. I'm there regularly as are others who'd love to hear from you. Give it some thought and get back to us ok?

Thankyou for sharing and being on here once more.

Warm thoughts...

Sara (Hugs)

I don't feel like I have me I don't know who I am anymore & I couldn't be bothered finding out. Trying to muster up the strength to even get out of bed is more than I can do somedays.

Thanks Sara I'll keep it in mind

I hear you girl, I really do;

What I've also noticed from your words is a loss of 'will'. Depression can be the result of long term emotional struggle and grief if not dealt with. I implore you to seek help from your GP and a grief counselor before things worsen.

You're precious and valuable; tapping into your strength and even your anger can motivate you into action; getting out of bed is a great start.

I want to know you; who you were and who you want to be. Hit the keyboard to rid yourself of pent up 'words', pain and frustration. So many on here comment on how relieved they are after doing this; a type of therapy.

I can't get you moving, nor can I shift your grief, but I can be here encouraging and supporting you the best way I know how. And, I know the pain of being hurt by a woman I'd come to admire and wanted to see in my future.

Lean on me hun...