Broken and feeling hopeless

[Downandout92]

My partner and I work together in a very male dominated environment where reputation for females is very important. We recently separated and he began to spread horrible rumours about me that are not true to his mates/the guys that we work with. What these guys don't know is that he was actually unfaithful to me and all these things that are being said are not true and extremely hurtful. I've tried to ignore the looks and the whispers but it's very hard when you're constantly feeling judged at work. He did a similar thing to another girl at work a few years ago and her reputation is still tarnished because of it. Just the ratio of males to females means that their story is the one that gets heard and believed. I don't need people to know the truth I just need the lies to stop.

I love my ex partner very much so the breakdown in relationship really broke me on its own but this maliciousness is bringing me down even further. I had to move out of our house and leave behind my dogs that I love and miss very much. I am miles away from my close friends and family so I have never felt so alone and hated by everyone in my entire life. Right now it's hard to see how things are going to get better and the hopelessness feeling won't go away.

[blondguy]

Hi Downandout92

Welcome and good on you for having the courage to post!

The forums are a judgement free zone so you will never be judged here

I am so sorry that your partner (ex) has been sandbagging you to others with rumors as you mentioned above especially after he has been unfaithful to you. This is very sad to read.

Do you have a manager/supervisor that you can have a 'quiet' and confidential chat to? That would be the first way to bring you some peace in your workplace. You are entitled to a safe work environment without a person saying horrible rumors about you.

Even if you 'get along with' your manager/supervisor you will have everything to gain and nothing to lose by having a word to him/her. From what you have said your ex partner is way way out of line.

you are not alone here by any means....can you let us know how you are going with this matter.

The forums are a safe & secure place to have your say Downandout

my kindest thoughts for you

Paul

[geoff]

hello Downandout, if your partner makes all these horrible comments about you it must be difficult to find the love you had for him, because he has betrayed you as well as doing the same to another female.
He has been unfaithful to you and seems to be doing exactly what he wants, without any care to anybody, so he doesn't seem to be a nice guy as all he's doing is demeaning you.
I would do as Paul said contact your manager/supervisor so they can make everything right, but what you have to try and do is pick up your dogs when he is at work and when you have a day off.
That is something I could not do without is my puppie, she has to be with me 24/7 otherwise anxiety kicks in.
Are you able to be moved into another section far away from, or perhaps try and get another job because your partner is only causing you much damage. Geoff.

[Downandout92]

Paul and Geoff,

Thank you very much for your replies. I have spoken to my supervisor about him and he is understanding about the situation, especially because he saw the same thing happen to the other girl. He has sent an email within the unit stating that rumour mongering of any sort will not be tolerated within the workplace. Of course he has no jurisdiction over what is said outside of the workplace, which is where it gets messy because my partner has friends in our line of work all across the country that he has slandered me to and they gossip within their own units. There are few people in our line of work across the country and bad rumours about people spread fast.

I could request to be moved, however, I feel that this would not help my situation as people will see it as "unfair" and "female privilege" that I was able to move before other people, making my reputation even worse. At the moment I am keeping my head held high at work and trying not to show the others how much it is killing me on the inside. It is hard though because every time I go home I just breakdown.

[geoff]

hello Downandout, I understand what you are saying, however what is more important your health or fear of being judged if you do move onto another section.
I feel very sorry for you, because this guy seems to be controling everything about you, your reputation is critical, but firstly it's how you feel, and not what the others have been saying.
Remember everybody will have a 'go' at someone, even their so called mates and behind their back whenever they can, and even when they think they are doing some good, it doesn't matter one bit, rumours spread like 'wild-fire' and mostly they are untrue.
Take pride in yourself, because either way they are going to include you in rumours just as they do with other people, move away and forget about this 'female privilege', you must get away from this crowd for your own health.
These people are not doing you any good, and probably being lead by your ex-partner, I'm very sorry but he is toxic. Geoff.