Chronic sleep deprivation + 4kids & FT work
Life feels very very hard right now. I feel awkward to reach for support when I know so many people have bigger concerns than me. In many ways I am very blessed and lucky. I feel like life will be easier one day but right now I am struggling to face each day, crying every day, feeling unstable, and unsure how to get on top of things. I have seen my GP every week this month and started anti depressants a few weeks ago. My extended family are completely unsupportive despite me asking for help and explaining how much Im struggling. My husband is in the same place as me. He is very helpful but we just feel like robots going through the motions every day. We have toddler twins and two primary school aged kids. 3 of the 4 kids wake multiple times a night. There are constant tantrums and mess. The jobs to be done are never ending. We are always running out of money despite earning reasonable incomes. We didnt plan on 4 kids. We didnt even plan on 3 kids. Thats a longer story though.
Like I said - i should feel blessed. I just dont know how to navigate from this rut to the blessed place.
I still feel like this. As mother's of young ones we often forget about ourselves, about our marriages and our relationships. We are constantly focused on being the homemaker and the mummy and for the male, often the breadwinner and the daddy that we tend to forget we are people as well.
One piece of advice I always get is forget the housework. Your children won't be this age for long however housework will always be there. It took a long time for me to feel guilty for not working, for working, for not doing housework and neglecting everything that didn't revolve around my son.
Is it possible for you to get a babysitter every now and then to enjoy a meal together (even if it is at home by yourselves)?It is really important to stay connected by communicating with each other and this might be a perfect way to do that without having the kids be a constant distraction or stress.
You have taken the right steps by reaching out now and you have taken the right steps by starting antidepressants as well. If you don't feel as if you are ready to see a counsellor, there are plenty of online sources you can access such as Mindspot and E-couch which I too, have found helpful. In saying that, you are in your right to feel overwhelmed and it is a completely normal feeling with one let alone 4.
Keep posting hunni, you have taken the necessary steps thus far but remember you are more than a mum, you are a warrior, a strong woman.
I have toddler twins, a 4 year old and a 6 year old. And yes I feel blessed...but god it's hard...and isolating. Not many people are in the same situation and not many people (actually no one now) wants to hang out with me because who wants to invite me over with twin toddlers let alone the other 2 as well. Playgroup mums won't even talk to me because they can't whinge in front of me because they know I have it worse so they huddle in a group out of my earshot. My family don't help and never will. My husband can't stand me and can't even look at me when he speaks to me (if he ever speaks to me) because I repulse him. He won't touch me. If I ask him to talk to me because I'm lonely he just gets so angry and shuts me down. He can't handle it if I'm not pretending to be on top of everything. He can't handle me having needs. So all I have is my screaming kids so all I will put my energy into is my screaming kids because at the end of the day they are the only ones who want to be with me.
So so wrap yourself in your creations. Mine were a surprise too. They are the love we need even if they do come needing so much from us.