Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Mental health condition

Community Member

Hi all

I was just thinking. When do you tell people about your mental health condition? I was thinking about how many dates before you tell a date initially but I'm curious broadly too, so friends etc.


6 Replies 6

Community Member

Hi LC,

This is a very interesting thread. I don't think there are any hard and fast rules. I personally think it depends on your own level of comfort as well as your trust in the other person.

Ultimately, I think it's a highly personal and contextual decision. Timeframe X might work for person A but not person B, for example.

In my offline life, I rarely disclose my mental health issues to anyone. The few exceptions would be a handful of trusted people in my life. The reason is because I find it very draining having to repeat the same story plus I don't always know who to trust and don't always want to share certain things with others.

Just my 2 cents worth 😊

Dottie x

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hey LC

Welcome and good on you posting too 🙂

you have brought up a good subject. I understand you as I have had anxiety on and off for a long while.

If you are having fun with a friend or on a date enjoy your time. If your disorder/condition prevents you from having a good time (crowds...a busy restaurant....a nightclub..or whatever is bringing you discomfort) and you trust them....tell them...

When i was stuck (with my anxiety) I used to say I had claustrophobia and then everyone used to understand.

LC, these forums are rock solid secure (otherwise I would be on here) and you are more than welcome to post back about anything you wish......when you wish 🙂

my kind thoughts...(Great post LC)


Community Member
Well.thats a tough one .. i wouldnt tell your date right away...try and think of how you would react if someone you knew told you theyr different? It can make you ask other people about it..and other people dont know that person well. So thier judgment isnt fair. Ok?? Plus its always good to let your date choose you. Give that person time. By then it may not matter about your illness. Cheers... max

Community Member

Hi LC,

Sorry, I don't think I worded my first post very well. I was only using my personal experience as an example of an approach. But in no way, shape or form am I saying that you should necessarily do what I do ha, ha.

I guess what I was trying to say was do what works for you . It's hard to say and can vary between situations and from person to person.

Dottie x

Community Member
I don't think there is ever a set amount of dates you can tell a person. I have had experiences with this and I find it comfortable for both parties when mentioning it in passing first. I wouldn't be comfortable to talk about it as a main subject but that's just me. I think once you get to know this person well enough and you feel comfortable you guys can talk about your mental health. Most people are very open to the topic as a lot of people have experienced it themselves. Hope this helps.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi LC, yes this is a very good question and would differ from one person to another, and could back fire for someone where it didn't for another person.
You may have known someone for most of your life, so naturally they would be the first person to tell, but you aren't sure on how they will take it, whether they will still be friends or whether they disappear, that no one will know until it happens nor can you ever predict the result.
If you have overcome depression and meet someone down the street, they may ask 'where have you been the last 5 years', then it's much easier to say to them that you're been suffering from depression and couldn't leave the house, then if they decide not to talk to you again doesn't matter because you're getting on with your new life.
Before you tell anyone I would put the question to them and ask if they have ever been depressed, and I'm not talking about being sad, and see how they react, this would give you an indication whether to tell them or not.
Most may say that they have been sad for a couple of days and get confused between what depression is compared to being sad, because we all get sad at times, but that's not depression, and being sad you still carry on with your daily work, uni or household, but with depression you can't do any of this. Geoff. x