The warmest of welcomes to you at a time in your marriage and your life that is challenging you so much.
I'm wondering whether your wife has ever expanded on the things that she says, so as to give you a clearer understanding of how she's feeling or her perception. For example, has she ever expressed why she sees you as greedy or why she sees you as a spoiled child etc? Has she ever offered reasons for why she spends so much time reading, on social media, on the phone, watching television etc? Of course, her perception, beliefs, actions, behaviour and so on are hers. It doesn't make them right or wrong it just makes them hers and you can feel the effects of all that, which is so incredibly challenging for you in many ways.
Not sure if it will help but it was a few years back when my daughter explained to me the concept of 'The 5 love languages'. These are the ways in which we express love and feel love from others. They are 1)Words of affirmation, 2)Physical touch, 3)Receiving gifts, 4)Quality time and 5)Acts of service. My husband of 24 years and I speak two completely different languages, which is where many of our issues come into play. I'm an acts of service gal, whereas he's a words of affirmation and physical touch person. I express love and feel loved through acts of service, not through words of reassurance, hugging, kissing and the words 'I love you'. My husband doesn't feel loved by me unless I'm telling him I love him while hugging him. On the other hand, my daughter and her partner of four and a half years have it well worked out. He will serve her through the kinds of actions that bring her to life (my daughter's language) and she cannot help but hug him and tell him how much she loves him (her partner's language). I should add that our language can change over time, depending on our circumstances and level of growth. Personally, I used to speak my husband's language until I became a mother. All the ways in which I've come to actively serve my kids is partly what developed me into and acts of service kind of person. I wonder whether your wife could perhaps relate.
I can relate to one of the biggest challenges involving reforming a marriage once the kids have grown. It can involved doing a bit of a deep dive into things like how we've managed to become distant from our partner, how they've changed and we've changed over time, sorting through a number of the challenges that have presented over the years (which were never fully addressed), getting a greater sense of individual and mutual needs at this time in life and the list goes on. It can be a time of enormous challenge. Whether we dive into those challenges while guiding each other through it or we employ someone to guide us through it (marriage guidance) can depend on a variety of things.
