A bit lonely and confused... what to do from here?

[Cherryorchard]

Hi everyone, I am new to BB and I am just looking for advice and support. I have a great life, but just the last month I am starting to feel really lonely and blue. I was born in a small family and all my life have intermittently struggled with bouts of loneliness. My dad has bipolar and that has given me some childhood trauma, although overall he is a good guy but it was hard sometimes.

Because my hubby and I moved around quite a bit and I have changed jobs fairly regularly I don't have a large network of local friends. I do try my best, and have met some people through my kids kinder/school/playgroup and also I walk with a lady in our street. I try to keep contact with my friends from earlier years too but they are fairly far away and busy with their own life. I have a brother who is lovely but he is very busy and not awesome with emotional stuff so he is not able to really give me the companionship I crave either....

I am so fortunate to have a wonderful husband and children and hobbies etc that I am passionate about, and financially things are good. But I still feel so alone sometimes and I often feel like I am the one reaching out to others, I just wish more times it was other people taking the initiative so I didn't feel like I am always pushing myself on other people. It's like I always want more than people can give. I am starting to have some dark/negative thoughts and feel worthless and it's not great.

I really appreciate any advice- especially in regards to friendship, making a support network etc. Thank you so much to those who read this.

[Cherryorchard]

Hi PamelaR. Thanks for your reply. I have read a bit about Myers-Briggs, and I found it immensely helpful. It really helped to clarify why I am a certain way, it was brilliant. Especially as I am an INFJ, which happens to be the least common type. This helped me to understand why I seem to think in a different way to a lot of other people. Most importantly though, it has helped me to really identify and capitalise on my strengths.

Mosaic and leadlight sound fabulous, what beautiful art forms. I bet it involves a lot of hard work and practice too. A lady I know who has recently retired has tried several classes, and has discovered that she really loves flower arranging. That sounds fun. Yeah I can see that retirement must be wonderful in many ways, especially not having to interact with work people that you would not choose to interact with otherwise, if you know what I mean? And you would have time to read lots and... well so many things really.

Capstone project was not literally related to capstones, such as that on a brick building. It is meant as a metaphor, so it's the big project at the end of the degree that encapsulates EVERYTHING you have learned throughout all the other subjects. That's why it was so big and involved. I studied Primary Teaching. Because you have been thinking about lead lighting and mosaic I can see why you would think of an actual stone capping.

Well, hope you are having a nice day, and best of luck with any mosaic-ing you may be doing :).

[PamelaR]

HelloCherryorchard

Thank you for getting back to me.

Yeah, wasn't sure about the capstone project. Understand now.

Yes, Leadlighting and mosaicing takes a lot of practice and hard work. Though the finished product is good. What I found was the intensity of focus meant my mind was occupied with something other than anxiety and depression. So this is good!

i don't seem to have enough hours in the day now that I'm retired. Funny that.

Just finished an evening of editing photos from one camping trip. Still have one more to go. All takes time. Never get any housework done. Lol.

How are you feeling now? Settled at all?

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Cherryorchard]

Hi,

Yes it is good to get your mind focussed on something like mosaic etc. I guess that's why women often knitted/baked cakes/embroidered etc traditionally, probably they were trying to keep themselves from going mad at home in the days when we didn't have so many opportunities in the workforce.

I feel a bit more settled this week. Partly I have become more settled in the home routine again, gotten used to it, plus I spent time with some friends and my siblings family which helped me feel better. Also I have been doing my mindfulness meditation every couple of days, it has started to help a bit. I feel relieved as today is the last day of school and that will mean a lot less rushing around with the kids.

I have kind of accepted that I just can't expect to get much done while my littles is at kinder. Instead of pressuring myself to achieve heaps while she is there I am trying to be cool with just going for a walk, doing some housework, getting some groceries. I see the "work" part of my day as after I collect them from kinder and school.

I can imagine once you are retired you find lots to do and have no time for housework. I have never made a lot of time for housework lol no matter my schedule. It's always a drag I find, no matter what. Sometimes music helps.

Hope you have a nice weekend, I hope at my end it all goes well. We have some nice things happening but also some family will visit which is a bit of a double edged sword because sometimes they really stress me out. So fingers crossed it all goes ok.

Thanks for the chat, take care,

CherryOrchard