Being shut out

[K2]

Hi, how do people overcome the feelings one experiences when your partner shuts you out of their life...it’s only been days for me but I can’t eat or sleep. I don’t know what she is feeling at all. It was entirely my fault for this outcome. I’m asking for peoples help with coping strategies please. I have found if I write letters it helps me temporarily...

[Peppermintbach]

Hello,

You sound so worried and hurt. I know it’s incredibly painful when loved ones shut us out. She must be on your mind a lot...

I like your letter writing idea. I’ve read about people writing letters to purge their feelings although they don’t necessarily send them to anyone; it’s more of a cathartic exercise. So maybe keep up the letter writing...

I was thinking you might like to try looking up Relationships Australia (they have a helpline that you can look up) as they offer support services for relationship issues and family support as well. I feel they would have many tips and advice to help you as relationships is their focus area after all...

I hope you’re finding your way around the forums okay. I’m glad you decided to reach out here. You’re most welcome to write again any time.

Some people find writing here helpful as it can release some of the pain...there’s no pressure but if you feel up to it, it would be great to hear from you again.

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[geoff]

Hello Kris, first of all can I

[K2]

Thank you Pepper.

I have always managed my condition well through break-ups. For the first time I have been unable to cope. Mostly due to many other life stresses I am currently experiencing at the moment as well.

is it wrong to expect a reply from someone when you reach out to them?

or

is it for my own benefit that I be patient and wait for there reply when they are ready?

people thoughts? Mostly women’s would be nice as I guess that’s what I’m trying to understand the most

[geoff]

Hello Kris, I'm terribly sorry about the short reply, I'm using an old XP which is a very small pc, while I try and set up my new windows 10 and as I have big fingers I tend to press buttons it sends a reply back too soon.

I will reply back to you because I have been in exactly the same position so many times throughout my marriage, so please take some comfort.

Geoff.

[Sean_mc]

Hi K2

sorry your here but there are good listeners here, was in the same position as you couldn’t eat ( lost 15kgs) couldn’t sleep etc etc, all I can say is it does get easier as time goes on, think your are doing the right thing in letting her come to you as anything you do now will be seen as pressure advise is back off completely & put the focus onto you no contact will give you time to emotionally heal yourself a little as were you are at this moment you may make the same mistakes I made, not afraid to tell you I begged,cried,& all it done was to justify why she left me in the first place, btw Married for 28yrs,not seen her for 6mths now & last contact was beginning of may, still miss her every moment of every day, but I take one minute one hour one day at a time, I got help from go for sleeping & I use meditation cds to help with the stress, look after yourself & breath.

cheers Sean

[K2]

Thank you for the advise people. I’ve realised that I haven’t been this blindsided by a women I awhile. Blindsided by how much I actually like her in such a short time frame and now blindsided by her coldness towards me...

approaching everyday as it comes. I am struggling every minute of the day not to txt or call her. It’s hard...I am trying to just breathe and write things down when the urges occur. Thank again everyone ✌🏻

[Peppermintbach]

Hi K2,

It’s good to hear from you again. Thank you so much for writing and you’re most welcome of course.

You sound very overwhelmed and thoughts of your partner are clearly consuming your mind and heart. Her silence must hurt so much and leaves so many things unknown and unanswered. I feel for you...

It’s up to you when it comes down to it but my gentle suggestion is maybe just give her some space for now. Then maybe try to reconnect with her after you’ve given her some space.

Perhaps you could even text or leave a voice message telling her you love her and would love to be able to “talk it out” but also express that you understand maybe she needs some space for now, which you will respect and say you will try contacting her in “x” days/weeks/other nominated time frame to try to talk.

I’m female and I can offer my perspective as a woman. That said, it’s a given that women are all different and I can’t speak for all women of course...I can only offer my own personal experiences...

Sometimes, not always, I emotionally shut down. I don’t do it intentionally but it tends to happen when I’m feeling overwhelmed or if I’m feeling deeply hurt. When I get like this, I tend not to be feeling very chatty.

I don’t do it to intentionally to hurt anyone (although I might accidentally end up hurting people with my unresponsiveness) but I do it because I literally don’t even have the words to describe how I’m feeling. Does this maybe make some sense?

I’m not saying your partner is necessarily like me but what I’m offering is my own personal reasons for why I’m sometimes silent/unresponsive...

Anyway, keep writing here if you find it cathartic. As I said, you’re welcome to write any time. We would be happy to continue supporting you as I know how much you’re struggling.

kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper