Hi, welcome
I'm your age, one of the issues we have at long term relationships is spouses can know us so well they can predict our reactions, what we are going to say and so on, after a lifetime of that, knowing us so well, it can sometimes flow into a hollow of disrespect. It isnt a good place to be because respect rarely returns and the best place to get that back or find out if there is any posibility of that is counselling. If she isnt willing to go, go on your own but if she asks you what happened at a session refuse to divulge- she can go to the next session. Reason is that you arent a counsellor and she needs to get that from the chosen professional. She could also belittle you for going.
So I've had 4 long term relationships and this, my 2nd marriage is great and has lasted 15 years. I can honestly say that each of the other 3 times I had left them for various reasons. The immediate relief was amazing, no more drama, no criticism. Can I suggest, some time apart but not put to her like that. My wife and I recognised that need a while back and I have a trike motorcycle with tent set up that I plan to ride on weekends to hotrod shows etc, spend 2 nights away. She will do activities with her ladies group and we are both happy about that. I modified a small trailer with fold out swag on top so I'm not on the ground. Just a thought.
Rekindling a long relationship in a romantic sense- isnt impossible. If you can think of her as having some emotional or depressive difficulties, that she needs some help, that would not only present the possibility of it working out but also give you the opportunity to express your empathy. Pro active actions like the old flowers and chocolate is underestimated. Think left field a dress online order? Although its best to have no expectations it would be an opportunity once you've done that to receive a "can I do anything for you"? response. Thats when you tell her of one or two things that would be helpful eg "yes, you could try to accept that my memory isnt so good, when you say "I told you that" you are assuming my memory is as good as yours and it simply isnt. We need to get back to helping each other, thinking of each other. and giving the benefit of the doubt because I'm not intending to hurt you"
Gaslighting is a common weapon as is emotional blackmail and so on. But the important things here is if it is intended or she's fallen into that habit unknowingly. Evil or frustrated? For that reason benefit of the doubt is a safe position to take.
The following posts might help. Reply anytime.
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/the-benefit-of-the-doubt/td-p/254054
"The young lady we married in still inside that heavily guarded fortress... better to arrive by donkey with flowers than use arrows on brick..." (TonyWK)
TonyWK
