Hi Hihihi123😊
As a mum myself, I feel for you. Having kids definitely makes us more of a feeler or sensitive (someone who can easily feel or sense). If not for my 23yo daughter and 20yo son son, I would never have developed the ability to feel/sense to this degree. Praise our kids, hey. They're great teachers in many ways. It actually took me years to finally reach the conclusion that it's partly about developing the ability to understand exactly what our feelings are trying to tell us or what it is we're actually sensing.
Absolutely 100% agree that tantrums can be about a lack of ability to make sense of and express exactly all the feelings that are going on inside a person, whether they're 4 year olds or full grown adults. In adults we tend not to call them tantrums but that's exactly what they are at times, minus throwing themselves on the ground. I know a few adults who are prone to tantrums😁. While it can involve some hard work with little kids, I've found that leading my kids to wonder exactly what it is they're feeling has been liberating for just about everyone, them included. I've taught them well, as they tend to get me to do this at times also. It can be along the lines of instead of simply perceiving someone as feeling angry, it's more so 'What are you feeling an angering or enraging level of ? Is it injustice, not being heard, dismissiveness of feelings, frustration, embarrassment' and the list goes on. Or 'What are you feeling a saddening level of ?'. When it comes to the high end emotions, 'What are you feeling or sensing a joyful or exciting level of ? Is it adventure, freedom or something else?'. It's kind of like developing a reference or dictionary of emotions where each emotion is better defined.
I've found through the practice of getting a better sense of things, it tends to make you more intuitive. There you go, we get a chance to raise what turn out to be highly intuitive adults. Trust in what we're feeling or sensing can lead us to confidently say 'Dude, I can feel you degrading me. Stop it'. The other person may respond with 'No, I'm not' but the truth is we can't deny what we're legitimately feeling. Next level feeling involves being able to feel or sense other people's emotions, something worth teaching to our kids. For example, 'You're feeling your father's stress. It's not your stress, it's his and he needs to make sense of it and manage it' or 'Your feeling your teacher's anger. It's not your anger it's hers and she needs to make sense of it and manage it'. 'You can help them make better sense of it and manage it if you want or feel the need to' becomes an optional extra. While my son faced a number of years of bullying at school, we reached the conclusion together that what he could feel (as a sensitive kid) was the depressing and stressful nature of those around him who rely on that nature for some reason. It's not his fault he can sense their nature, the stressful and depressing factors point to his ability to to feel it.
While, since the dawn of time, it's been accepted that 'women are emotional creatures', for males it's very different. Don't show fear, don't show heartbreak, don't reveal major disappointment, don't cry out your pain, just get over it, get on with it, push it all down etc etc. So, while females are free to become more sensitive (developing their senses), men were conditioned to become less sensitive or insensitive in a variety of ways. I suppose you could say that what you were sensing on that soccer field was your husband's lack of ability to feel your son's sense of injustice in not having the ball. Btw, what I love about kids is how easily their focus can be shifted away from feeling injustice at times. 'Look at that crazy bird over there' can sometimes be enough to shift focus and lead them to laughter. On the other hand, it's a great sense of injustice that inspires motivation or a justice movement of some kind in certain people. So many different ways in which to manage what we feel or sense.
