20 year relationship with issues. Do I walk away and start again?
Hello Undecided Dad, it takes a great deal of courage to post your comment and we want to thank you for doing so.
Your intuition can make many judgements and once you have experienced them it only increases to the point where the trust has been broken and I'm really sorry you have been put in a situation like this.
If you stay at the house under these conditions then you will be questioning too many issues and that's not what would be the best for you, so can I suggest a couple of alternatives.
Anglicare is able to provide temporary accommodation in situations like this and secondly, Centrelink can provide bond money and a couple of weeks of rent, which you pay off slowly.
We'd like to hear how you feel about this and supporting you.
Hello Undecided Dad
Your situation is easy to understand and I’m sure many people can identify with you. If your suffering from PTSD and anxiety & depression, it’s easy to see how you would feel trapped in your position. The point that stands out for me is the “....the affairs are 99% the main issue”. They would be for most people in your situation. I too have experienced infidelity and I know how it mucks up your mind so you lose your sense of self and confidence. I have never seen a marriage survive let alone thrive where one partner has deceived the spouse over a long period of time and repeatedly. Loss of trust in a marriage is poison and affects every action and conversation, subsequent to the deception.
If you have to move out, it doesn’t matter if both or only one spouse is the breadwinner. Arrangements should be made so that the children have a carer and if possible stay in the family home. Financial arrangements should be then made so that the spouse leaving the family home is also supported, if necessary. If you and your wife can’t agree or can’t afford these arrangements, an experienced family law solicitor should be consulted. What I’m trying to say is it’s not just the breadwinner that has the option of staying or leaving.
Stay strong, you will survive this episode and ultimately grow stronger.
Hello Undecided Dad, can I ask you a question, and please only answer if you want to, I'm sorry about how you are feeling, first of all, but I wonder whether the uni course is causing this extra stress and appreciate you will have a degree in 18 months, but you so much you are trying to cope with, just interested.
I really feel for you but after reading you story, you know that her issues are causing your family distress and he behaviour caused your mental health to decline. You need to fix that, not her and get yourself together as best you can. If you feel better that she goes, as in you stop enabling her (letting her get away with her behavior) as she thinks she can do what ever she wants. Once bad behaved people think like this, it usually cannot be altered without major repair, especially from the abused party (i.e. you and kids).
Please focus on you and look after yourself,. Know that you can terminate your relationship anytime you need to if she cannot learn to control her difficulties - move on and live better.