Trying my best to receive the DSP

[Mr_2000]

Hello,

This is my first time ever that I have joined an online forum regarding my mental health so I'm a little bit anxious in writing this. I have struggled all throughout my life, from early child abuse (Physical and mental) from a wicked drunk stepfather who was so intimidating and mean. I had no support back then and was always told that I was the problem and had the abuse coming to me.

I was told that as a baby I used to rock myself in the cot, back and forth and at 44 years of age I still do this, Autism? I was a mute around people my whole life and still am, I hate myself so much that I can't be outside the house. I am a loner every single day and have had history of schizophrenia, OCD, Anxiety/Depression and just recently after telling my story to a psychiastrist, he believes I have Austism Spectrum Disorder, which looking back into my past, and even now, it really does make sense.

Trust in other people I don't have anymore, I have been abused and ridiculed in front of people, and I have told it's my fault.

I have bad OCD, but the schizoprenia is the hardest part of everyday life, the thoughts and the symptoms are there every day and night, I only feel I am able to cope when I am at home, alone.

I have full backup of my GP, psychiatrist and psychologist of over 20 years to help me with my DSP claim, but I am extremely worried it will be rejected from what I've read on other people's experiences with a claim.

Since April 2017, I have had a total of 10 jobs, every one I've been fired from, all from my mental health condition.

I mean, how much information do Centrelink need? My entire life story? I have submitted every form to Centrelink that they require so how can they reject my claim? If they don't accept the claim then what next? I am so unfit for work it's not funny, I only leave the house if I absolutely have to (medication, petrol, food).

Hope someone who reads this can relate, as I am not really confident that my claim will be successful, I've already been waiting 2 months for this DSP claim

[Aaronsis]

Hello Mr_2000

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and I am so very proud that you have reached out for some support as I can hear how terrified you are do be doing this, so well done for making this post and for putting your hand out for some support.

I have no idea what is must be like to be in your shoes and I have no idea how you are feeling, I am just so very sorry that you have had these experiences in life and that as a result you are now suffering. We are here for you to talk to you and give you some support though.

I am not sure about how these claims go and what information that they need, but what I am hearing is that you are terrified of being rejected and having to go through the pain of that and then what??? how do you get through without financial support? I hear you and this is very overwhelming to have to go through. Can I ask if you have a family member or a person that you do trust, that is close to you to be able to help you through this and perhaps go with you to lodge your claim for some support so you are not alone?

It is so wonderful that you have reached out here and I am hopeful that some people will come and join your thread that have some experience and can offer some hope for you.

I am so very sorry you are going through this and that your childhood has been so painful Mr_2000.

Hope to chat some more to you.

Hugs

Sarah

[bipolarbeauty]

Hi Mr_2000

Thanks for reaching out in these forums and welcome too.

I am sorry for what you are going through right now, and it sounds like you're having a hard time. I agree with Aaronsis who commented above - do you have someone you trust - perhaps a family member or friend that can accompany you and support you for the centrelink appointments or so? When I applied for the DSP (I am on it too) - I had my mum as support and it helped heaps. I have been on the pension for about 4 years now or so, and I'm working and know how hard it is to keep it (in terms of working and the tedious task of reporting earnings every 2 weeks) too. I remembered that it took four months for my DSP application to get it approved.

I have my fingers and toes crossed for you that you will get the DSP application approved.

Hope to hear from you again.

Suzi

[Mr_2000]

Hi and thanks for your reply, too kind!!

I have my partner and Mum and are extremely supportive, both emotionally and financially while I'm waiting for my claim to go through...if it goes through.

Really?? 4 months wait for you? It takes so long for them to approve the claim. Right now I'm totally dependant on my Mum for my bills and expenses and without her I would no doubt be homeless.

I'm happy that you have been working, how are you coping? I hope you manage better than I have been lately, I feel worthless and hopeless right now, it's as if I have fallen from reality and into a dreamworld, hard to explain but I have lived my life in a bubble away from society and really haven't got social skills to be part of the outside world. I always feel and believe that I am hated and deserve harsh treatment.

Tomorrow I'll hear the outcome of my claim, I really hope they can help me because it's obvious I am unfit for work and will need a lot of therapy in the near future.

But, I have a goal at the end of this and that is to be at a point where I can work and leave the house without those horrible thought and feelings that are really overwhelming right now.

Thankyou again for your reply, the forums are great and I'm glad to be involved

[Mr_2000]

Hi and thankyou for replying to my post.

Yes it is very difficult times for me, and having absolutely no income is adding so much more pressure to an already miserable life.

I am only just now realising that from a traumatic child hood, most things having never been talked about or resolved, finds me in the position I'm in now. Yes I have developed mental illness or born with it? as a result of abuse but that abuse didn't stop after my stepfather left my Mum, no it continued, right into adulthood. Being verbally abused continues to this very day, (names withheld), and people say to me that it's just words, it's not abuse because it's not physical abuse, just words. But that isn't true, is it?

[Aaronsis]

Hey Mr_2000

I hear you so very loudly that this is such a nervous and anxious time for you, I hope that you are coping ok with the waiting game in finding out the outcome of your claim. Do you have some things in place to help you if things don't go as you expect tomorrow? While I send you every best wish that your claim is honoured, I am just thinking of the other side of the coin and what if they need more time, or change it, or worst reject it. I am just wanting to make sure you are ok and that you will have your partner with you or your mother, someone to be with you at this time.

Abuse is abuse, and the definition is "treat with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly."..this can be verbally or physically and also emotionally. The person who gets to determine this is you, if it is impacting the way you feel or effecting you physically then it is abuse. Yeah sure, it is just words, words have a HUGE impact on people, this is how we communicate, how we get a message from one person to another, so just as positive words makes us feel good, negative words can destroy a person. Saying this to a person who has suffered abuse is like saying to a depressed person "chin up"..or "get over it"....so not helpful at all.

I am so happy to read in your post that you have a goal to get out and to be able to work and to be public spaces and feel comfortable. I have no idea how hard this is for you but I can hear how much it impacts you and I am so very sorry that you live with this everyday.

I am crossing my fingers for you tomorrow and wish you everything positive for a great outcome.

Will be thinking of you and hope this is the start of some wonderful things for you.

Hugs

Sarah

[Mr_2000]

Thank you. I don’t have any backup plans if my claim is rejected but I will fight it if I have to. If they just need more time to process then that’s ok. I can manage that. Even though I haven’t a backup plan I do have alternatives but that will mean I have to separate from my partner and apply for Newstart Allowance with medical certificates because I’m unfit for work

i hope it won’t have to come to this but that’s what I’ll have to do

[Aaronsis]

Hey Mr_2000

Just stopping in to see how you are going today and how your appointment and how your claim went today?

You sound so sensible and so positive in your last post and I am so proud of you, even with the possibility that it may not turn out how you expect your hopeful and you have a plan B, this is so wonderful.

I hope that it does not have to come to the point where you have to seperate from your partner, I hope that they can make a good decision for you that can give you some peace.

Hope to chat some more and every best wish for a wonderful outcome for you today.

Hugs

Sarah

[Mr_2000]

Hi. Centrelink needed me to send them our bank statements which I forwarded them last night. I’m still waiting for them to contact me about the claim so all I can do is wait. My partner I rely on for everything and it’s made me feel a lot of guilt having to ask her for help all the time. I feel like such a burden to her and am really starting to question my existence. I have so many debilitating and chronic mental problems that prevent me from leaving the house, I have nothing that resembles a normal life anymore. I don’t eat, I don’t sleep I wake up drunk from medications. This pension claim can change me for the better because while I be ok financially, I will be in a much better frame of mind to have the therapy that I so desperately need. I’ve made an appointment with my GP for January 13

[Aaronsis]

Great to hear back from you Mr_2000 and I can hear how depleted you are by this whole process and that you are feeling like a burden and so very overwhelmed.

Can I suggest to you that your partner is beside you for support, for care and because they love you. These are not the acts of someone who is feeling burdened. I understand that so much of your mental state is relying on your financial independence and this is totally reasonable, we do want to feel like we can provide for ourselves and our loved ones if need be, you are going through the process of that right now and doing every thing you can to get some help with this as you are not able to work right now.

Please try to stay strong as this could be a long process, you do have people in your life who are happy to support you at this time and it is only during this time, you are not a burden, you are just needing a lift up at the moment. Who knows what happens down the line in life and they need some help and you will be there for them, that is what we do for our loved ones.

I am so pleased to hear you have an appointment on Monday at the GP, that is fantastic, I am also very glad to hear that you are aware of the feelings around the financial strain and can see that when this improves so too will your quality of life and mental health.

It is a tough time for you and it is wonderful you have people who you can lean on, they are there for you and you would do the same for them too.

Huge hugs and thank you for letting me know how you are getting along.

Hopefully they process the information from you soon and can process this claim quickly.

Sarah