Trouble accepting complex trauma diagnosis

[Greys]

This is my post time posting and I’m kind of anxious about it. I’m wondering as anyone else struggled accepting they have complex PTSD. I got diagnosed a while ago now but I still can’t believe I have it. It doesn’t feel like what happened to me was all that bad. It just seemed normal family stuff but the psychologist has said it wasn’t normal. I feel like a fake and I’ve been hiding all my mental from my family no one but my husband knows. Which adds to my thoughts of this can’t be real if I’ve managed to hide it. I also get dissociation and I keep trying to find other reasons for it but the psych says it’s from trauma. I don’t know how to get past all this uncertainty. How can I accept that I have complex trauma?

[Idkme]

Hi Grey,

im no expert but I feel sometimes that a diagnosis reduces the complexity down to a minimum and doesn’t allow for the full scope of the experience.... I’d prefer them to say to me that ‘you are suffering c-ptsd symptoms’. After all what does diagnosis give us except a label.

I guess what you should be asking is ‘am I having trouble processing my past experience/trauma? Is it causing things in my life to be a bit more difficult or complicated. If you answer yes then you may need help processing it.

It’s not fair on yourself to compare your suffering to someone else... it doesn’t do anyone any help. Your pain is relative to your experience and your context/connection. Some people see a storm as beautiful and inspiring, others are terrified and hide.... does it mean that either are fake? No, it just means that some will need comforting, or a place they can hide safely until the storm passed or, in some cases, the other extreme needs to be cautioned about the true possible destruction of a powerful storm.

So be kind to yourself and just ‘sit with the thought’ that people are trying to help you consider possibilities.... they may be wrong, but you won’t know if you don’t try.

I hope that helps... I’m sure you will have others to other you their ideas too. I hope you can find some peace.

[PamelaR]

Hi Grey's and warm welcome to our Beyond Blue forums

It's pleasing to see you've taken a very good step by finding us and sharing your story. Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. It can be the pits. But it's also okay. There is hope, healing and recovery.

You ask- how can you accept you have complex trauma? That's a big question. It does take time. I'm no health professional but I too have anxiety, depression and PTSD (including complex PTSD).

Have you asked the question - what is stopping me accepting the diagnosis? Well, from everything you've said you already know part of the answer to this one. You don't think your growing up was that bad, you feel a fake, not telling anyone. I would probably also add it is part of the grieving process. You've lost the childhood that you thought you had and this can be quite unsettling. It is normal to go through that phase of having to accept what's happened. Maybe not be so hard on yourself. Give yourself time to let what the psych talks about settle - it's very hard coming to terms with it all.

I understand what you mean about being a fake. Truly though it's not. We all take on roles in our lives - working role, parenting role, social role, family role. Sometimes these overlap, sometimes they don't. No one ever knew my life story until I was at the end of my therapy which took about 8 years on and off. It took this length of time because I had a breakdown after about 1 1/2 hrs into the therapy because I wasn't on medication then. I had a childhood trauma to deal with along with my family trauma.

Now, life is so good. Telling my story is now becoming easier, though it's not something I talk about often unless it's with my psych.

Disassociation, I find is a way of coping - switching off from the world and everything around. I play computer games. It takes me off into a world of my own. Though I do balance this with - socialising with friends, getting out to the shops, enjoying my hobbies. But playing games is my safety net - the place I retreat when feeling threatened, unsafe, insecure. All these come from both traumas I experienced.

Feel free to ask any questions you want or to join conversations that relate to your situation.If you're up to it have a read of the thread - Complex PTSD - What is it and how do we cope? You can find it by doing a search in the BB search field at the top of the page.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Greys]

Thankyou for replying i've kind of been struggling lately but not sure if its the PTSD or depression. I have had a look around the forums and i will look at the post you suggested.

Thanks

Grey's

[PamelaR]

Hi Grey's

Thanks for getting back to me. I know what you mean about struggling. What I've found for myself is - the PTSD is trigger, I go into anxiety mode for about 2 weeks (often I didn't realise I was in that state. Now I do), then it moves into depression. Then comes the hard work of digging myself out.

Since learning all about my physical and mental responses to triggers it's helped to reduce my anxiety mode from those 2 weeks to a couple of days. I now find I don't go into the depression so easily.

It's okay to reach out here when you want. If there is anything you want to talk about it's okay. It's a safe place here. The community is caring, friendly, supportive and non judgemental. No pressure for you to do so, only if you want.

Kind regards

PamelaR