Tired

[Delectable]

I’m tired of a lot of things, of doing this thing called life alone. I chose not to have children after living a traumatic childhood till I was 13 and placed in stare care. I never experienced love from my family or my past boyfriends. I have spent my entire life feeling never good enough for people, in the last fifteen years after I left a relationship I have felt more distant then ever. I worked as much as possible so I was either tired and didn’t think about the loneliness. I lot a few contracts and started baking, giving the food away when I could afford to do so. I’ve rented for the last 15 years and have had to do one bad move which was very hard on me giving away a beautiful harden and accessories to people I thought were friends but users in the end as I only live 30kns away and they choose to have nothing to do with me. I only work one day now and am struggling with filling in time, I do exercise every day for an hour, but there’s still over 13 hours to fill in. As i live in Victoria near NSW I’m stuck because of the coronavirus in Melbourne and not allowed out of my state though my area hadn’t had any cases for 90 days.

Tired of making friends to be let down by then, one life friend said speak to the psychologist, so I speak once every 6 weeks. I really don’t see much point continuing my life, there’s only so much one can take and I feel like ending my life especially iff I cannot go to Queensland in December for Christmas which I have not had Christmas for over 35 years with anyone. I do not take drugs or drink alcohol, just extremely overtired of my living.

[Hanna3]

Hi Delectable,

That meal you are going to cook sounds wonderful, where/how did you learn to cook so well? Did you teach yourself from cook books? Those people you are cooking for will enjoy a lovely meal! Yes last year was dreadful with the fires and smoke, it was shocking here, this year is lovely, everything is so green and fresh... cold today though!

I hope your pain has improved, maybe the doctor next week will be helpful... it can be hard to find a good doctor.. I went through several GPs here before I found a decent one...

I hope you will find people here that you can be friendly with and maybe that will help...could you keep a pet of some kind like a cat? I know you're in a rental, but a friend of mine has one and doesn't let the estate agent know, she just hides it when they do an inspection - I've known a few people who do that, with a cat it's easier than with a dog.. just a thought as a pet can really help loneliness...my little dog helps me so much.

Take care, I hope you enjoy cooking that wonderful meal. Have you seen the movie Babette's Feast? Cheers.

[Delectable]

I taught myself to cook from books, it was to beat the loneliness, since 2012, I have always given the food away, to the rubbish bin men, or too old people I help...one year I had a high tea for the Mac grath foundation, on my birthday but no one knew about my birthday.

I miss the cooking but haven’t heard from the woman I was making the cakes for twice a week. I tried to call but she didn’t answer or phone me back. My psychologist said to avoid text but I’m not constantly going to ring people if Tory can’t ring back.

I’ve been feeling rather flat, I guess all the disappointments have taken a toll on me, I hope I get some sleep tonight as I’d been up since 4am yesterday to 11pm at night with pain.

I’m not a cat person, never liked them, my foster parents had Siamese and an old lady I help has 4 cats, I’m a dog lover but that’s not meant to be in this life as I’ve been advised I’m too poor to have a rescue dog.

Trying to watch an American movie Dark Waters which I got from the library, am finding it rather hard to watch them.
I will also make some walnut Soda bread, so will have to do the stairs Saturday early, hope there won’t be many people around. I’ll have time get up really early Sunday to start all the cooking.

Who are your favourite actors?

[Hanna3]

Hi again,

Gosh there are so many wonderful actors and actresses - I go more on the movie - i always like Bill Nighy.. and good oldies like Gregory Peck... don't watch many movies these days unfortunately...

I would have been told I'm too poor for a rescue dog - I bought my little dog myself as the animal welfare places wouldn't let me have a rescue dog as I couldn't guarantee the fence height etc etc etc - so I just went out and bought little Sam - and I've had him for almost ten years now... he's been a real joy and a much loved companion... I ignored the animal welfare agencies, had a friend who volunteered for animal welfare she said to avoid them and just get one myself, I bought him from a vet - rang around and found him.

I've got the DVD of 84 Charing Cross Road out from the library with Anne Bancroft and Anthony Hopkins - it's an old move but great cast...

The Girl in the Cafe with Bill Nighy was great.

Babette's Feast is a movie you would love - I got my copy from Ebay... it's brilliant! They had expert chefs prepare the feast that it's all about - the preparation was amazing...

Amelie was a lovely movie, also Chocolat - I forget the actress's name...

Have you seen any of these? I'll check in tomorrow, best wishes.

[Delectable]

I’m glad you gave love from a dog, it’s true that I cannot afford one, I’d love a golden retriever but wouldn’t be able to afford the vet costs if something went wrong. I knew a lady once that had rescue dogs, she used to let me walk a girl, she was beautiful, this went on for 8 months and then she advised me the dog was going away to a new home and told me all the reasons why I wouldn’t be able to have one, lack of money.

As I like to travel, I couldn’t afford to out it into care either. I’m on the jobseeker, while it’s been ok to have a bit extra to have things I’d go without like heating and food, I pay $255 per week in rent plus $45 in gas/power so yep I’m poor.

I have to look for work harder now, no one is going to employ someone with chronic pain, and frankly I really need a rest. My body is tired of hard physical work landscaping, but Centrelink say I must work 15 hours a week, not sure how that would happen in a week that I’m in at the moment.... I have no other skills except for retail, and I really don’t want to be around people at Christmas, they can be so rude and demanding in retail at that time if the year. I wonder how mdantsane will fold when COVID comes back next year anyway.

Amelie and chocolat ive seen, not Babettes Feast....Jb Hifi are having 20 percent off so I might get a few and get them sent to the parcel locker at the post office as it’s cheaper in postage. There is a new French film coming out , on DVD. Normally I cannot afford to buy , as I get the bonus for the moment.

Writer/director Guillaume Canet reunites the entire cast from his 2010 comedy smash Little White Lies (a film that achieved a stunning 5.2 million admissions worldwide) for this highly-anticipated follow up.

It’s been years since middle-aged restaurateur Max (François Cluzet) has received his friends at his gorgeous summer house in the chic beach community of Cap Ferret. The group have traditionally reconnected there for his birthday, but since things didn’t exactly go as planned last time, they haven’t seen much of one another. It turns out Max is divorcing and his villa is up for sale, so when pals Marie (Marion Cotillard), Vincent (Benoît Magimel), now-famous actor Eric (Gilles Lellouche) and his hapless buddy-turned-assistant Antoine (Laurent Lafitte) arrive unannounced to celebrate a significant milestone, it’s not necessarily a welcome surprise…

[Delectable]

iPhones make up their own words I see, on my own posts. That COVID reference should say businesses will go broke next year when COVID returns, there really is too many open anyway, all the clothing shops I wonder how they make money by the time they lay out all the outgoing expenses. Someone told me about a scheme that offers cheap housing, it goes on your income. You attend monthly meetings; you put your name down and have an interview when someone moves out, apparently they are units in normal residential areas, I knew a lady in one, I’m not sure if that’s an option for you.

I do not qualify for NDIS, either as they aren’t classed as disabilities... I tried to access it. I have to apply for national redress which isn’t something I’m willing to go back into my past and let out while I have no support, as the funding may never get approved, I am on the second amount of free sessions but I seem to be getting worse.... being stuck somewhere has been very difficult for me, and I cannot see how I’ll get to Queensland in December either. I know if that’s not going to happen, I will not continue to live like I am. It’s too hard, too empty... I wish the pain would go away so I can return to exercise, it gave me some relief from my thoughts.

[Hanna3]

Hi Delectable,

I've heard of the movie Little White Lies but at the moment can't think what it was about...

Yes vets bills are seriously scary that's true. If you are only on Centrelink unemployment payments I can understand how you must be struggling financially - I find it hard on a disability pension and that's more than you receive...

Don't give up hope on getting a lovely dog companion one day, you don't know what might be ahead and they are relaxing the prohibition on pets for renters... I didn't know little Sam was going to come into my life, purchased him cheap off a vet and brought him home in a shoebox he was so tiny.. now nearly 10 years later we're still together! But yes I give up lots of things to afford to keep him, but it's worth it.

You seem to have a lot on your plate, I hope things improve for you...and that you can get some help for the discomfort and go back to your exercise, it sounds as if that helps you a lot. When are you cooking that French meal, is it this weekend?

It's chilly here and I've been out getting my car serviced and now have to take little Sam for a walk... most people here will understand financial struggles and loneliness... it's good you're around some of the games and puzzles here a bit, it helps to get to know people here that way...after a while you will have regular people you "know"to say hi to and they'll come by your thread and chat..

Sending warmest wishes!

[Delectable]

Little white lies 2012

On leaving a Paris nightclub late at night, Ludo (Jean Dujardin) rides away on his scooter and is broadsided by a speeding truck that ran a red light. Lying between life and death in the hospital, Ludo is visited by his band of longtime friends, who decide that the gruesome crash should not prevent them from embarking on their summer holidays.
Prior to the trip, another major problem arises when one of the friends, osteopath Vincent (Benoît Magimel), confesses his attraction to restaurateur Max (François Cluzet). Both are married, and Max clearly is not interested, so when they arrive later with their families at his seaside cottage, tension is high. The group's stress level is further increased by pot-smoking rebel Marie (Marion Cotillard), lovesick actor Eric (Gilles Lellouche) and the even more lovesick Antoine (Laurent Lafitte), all of whom are suffering from failed or failing relationships.

The French meal is Sunday at 12.30
Menu

Entree -Watercress veloute with walnut Soda bread.

Main -Spring vegetable stew

Sides -Braised leeks

Tomato farcies

Roast Asparagus with chevril

Beetroot salad with creme fraiche

Dessert -Cherry and almond cake

i pushed myself to do 16kms on exercise bike in 39minutes followed by half an hour of exercises today, am still sore.

Will have to do the stairs 10kms early tomorrow 5.30am start as will be up early making bread, Sunday.

[Delectable]

★★★★
“Sparkling and intelligent – a great success.”
Marie Sauvion, TÉLÉRAMA
★★★★
“A trio of actresses in perfect harmony – Binoche is brilliant. Colourful, happy, romantic and surprisingly modern, Provost’s film skilfully explores all the social upheavals of the time, touching on the birth of feminism, the acceptance of certain customs and above all, the essential awareness that has emancipated women.”
Clara Gaillot, ELLE
Hanna, hope you see these ones
Three of France’s most endearing leading ladies – Juliette Binoche, Noémie Lvovsky and Yolande Moreau – star in HOW TO BE A GOOD WIFE, the eagerly anticipated new comedy by César-winner Martin Provost (Séraphine, The Midwife).

It’s 1967. The immaculate and morally upright Paulette Van Der Beck (the ever-exquisite Binoche) and her husband Robert have been running Van der Beck’s School of Housekeeping and Good Manners in the lush regions of Alsace for over two decades, with the help of Paulette’s eccentric stepsister Gilberte (Moreau) and the school’s communist-fearing, ex-Resistance nun Marie-Therese (a scene-stealing Lvovsky). Their mission: to train teenagers to become perfect housewives, in times when women were expected to be largely subservient.
After an accident turns clockwork order into chaos, Paulette discovers that the school is on the verge of financial ruin. Forced to assume executive responsibilities, she is flustered even more by an encounter with her long-lost first love, André (Edouard Baer), who becomes relentless in his desire to rekindle their romance. Meanwhile, a sweeping nationwide protest movement is transforming society around them, encouraging the school’s pupils to challenge authority and question their own desires and beliefs… Before long the entire group undertakes a journey of liberation, one that will transform all their lives.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY (Fête de famille)
Director: Cédric Kahn
Cast: Catherine Deneuve, Emmanuelle Bercot, Vincent Macaigne
Matriarch Andrea has summoned her children and grandchildren home to celebrate her 70th birthday. But her warring children threaten to transform what should be a happy occasion into one to remember for all the wrong reasons.

[Hanna3]

The lunch sounds wonderful! You will be busy, Delectable!

I wish our library stocked these movies but alas, it doesn't have them.. and after getting my car rego paid I have no money spare to buy them, but maybe they'll come on SBS Movies sometime and I can see them then.

Hope to hear about how the cooking and lunch go! Cheers!

[Hanna3]

Hi again Delectable,

It must have been hard to get to know that lovely Lab. dog and then not be able to keep it... they're such wonderful dogs..

Did you find things any better when the jobseeker was paying more money during the pandemic? I have a friend on it and she found it was a terrific difference, she's also in a private rental... I think it should have stayed at the higher amount to give people enough to have some kind of dignity on it... the govt treats anyone unemployed so badly.. I am sorry you are finding it so tough, I don't know how you manage with the rent and utilities and anything else you need.. that must be very hard.

Are you in a rented house or a unit/villa? Is the town you are in very small? Do you have decent facilities there and maybe a cinema (hard to afford I know), things to do? I think you mentioned it was cliquey - so many towns are like that, you don't belong unless you've lived there for generations...

Excuse me replying in bits, I've been on and off today... sending very best wishes.