Tired

[Delectable]

I’m tired of a lot of things, of doing this thing called life alone. I chose not to have children after living a traumatic childhood till I was 13 and placed in stare care. I never experienced love from my family or my past boyfriends. I have spent my entire life feeling never good enough for people, in the last fifteen years after I left a relationship I have felt more distant then ever. I worked as much as possible so I was either tired and didn’t think about the loneliness. I lot a few contracts and started baking, giving the food away when I could afford to do so. I’ve rented for the last 15 years and have had to do one bad move which was very hard on me giving away a beautiful harden and accessories to people I thought were friends but users in the end as I only live 30kns away and they choose to have nothing to do with me. I only work one day now and am struggling with filling in time, I do exercise every day for an hour, but there’s still over 13 hours to fill in. As i live in Victoria near NSW I’m stuck because of the coronavirus in Melbourne and not allowed out of my state though my area hadn’t had any cases for 90 days.

Tired of making friends to be let down by then, one life friend said speak to the psychologist, so I speak once every 6 weeks. I really don’t see much point continuing my life, there’s only so much one can take and I feel like ending my life especially iff I cannot go to Queensland in December for Christmas which I have not had Christmas for over 35 years with anyone. I do not take drugs or drink alcohol, just extremely overtired of my living.

[Delectable]

Job agency says I must look for work because Centrelink says so, even though I have her a letter from my psychologist to say I cannot do what they ask. Waiting for gp now

[Delectable]

I got an exemption for 3 months from not looking for work....the psychologist thinks I may have borderline personality disorder as these are my traits

fear of abandonment, unstable self image with extremely low self worth, searching for signs of betrayal and subsequent conflict and disruption in these relationships, feelings of emptiness, restrictive eating and periods of intensive and prolonged exercise, plus suicidal occasions. It made me cry to hear that, I’m not a crier, I’ve always known I’m the problem and this confirms it. Plus I have cptsd, depression and anxiety....I’m not eligible to get ndis under mental health. I have a referral for call to mind psychiatrist but they don’t answer, just recorded messages. I said to the job people I’m not ready, why can’t you see that, you’re going to push me over....and others like me, we aren’t capable of simple things people take fir granted everyday.

I only have a mental health social worker, not a psychologist... sorry I always thought she was a psychologist till I saw the paperwork today.

The job people won’t help me with a psychologist either now, they just keep on saying you must get a job

[Hanna3]

Hi Delectable,

It's good that you've got 3 months off searching for work at least, and now you have a probable diagnosis that's good at least... I don't know if there is a thread on BB about bipolar disorder, it might be worth you doing a search, for sure there would be people here who have that diagnosis. Maybe you could ask in the BB Cafe.. or ask the moderators here at BB.

Maybe you will get better help for your problem now. Or you could put up a thread about BPD yourself and maybe that would be helpful. Just suggestions. Cheers.

[Delectable]

Thanks Hanna, it’s border personality disorder not bipolar thank god. Not that the one I have is better as most normal people don’t get any mental illness. The psych has to make the diagnosis anyway, hopefully it’s in the 12 weeks. I have to apply for the dsp by myself, does anyone have any advice how you do that? Do you just go to Centrelink and ask for a form?

All my life my father told me I was the problem and he’s correct. I’d like to know why the people who dish out the abuse get away with it while we have to suffer the consequences for life...will definitely be having no contact with any more humans in real life as people must think I’m some freak....

I’m always going to be alone now and that’s why I was never good enough to have anyone decent to love me, not even my own parents could ever have loved me, that’s why I was never asked to be someone’s wife or to be someone’s mother not that that’s likely with endometriosis anyway, no wonder I’m such a piece of worthless rubbish.
 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Delectable,

We're sorry to hear that you're struggling with feelings of worthlessness. We can hear that you're feeling quite isolated and we understand how painful this is.

It  sounds like you're in a dark place today and having some unhelpful thoughts. Please know that there is support available to you. If you need to speak to someone to talk through some  of these thoughts you're having, please do contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat (online chat available 7pm-12am AEDT).

Many in our community have experienced similar feelings and will be able to talk through these feelings with you. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best support you through this.
 

[Delectable]

For you Sleepy...

Ingredients for 2 people:
1 medium onion – thinly sliced
2 tablespoons lard or 6 tablespoons of vegetable oil (sunflower)
1 good teaspoon of sweet Hungarian paprika powder
4 medium fresh tomatoes – sliced
4 sweet yellow pepper (or bell pepper, wax or banana pepper) – cut into 1/2-inch rings
Ground black pepper
Salt to taste

Directions:
In a pot, sauté the onions in vegetable oil or pork lard over low heat, stirring frequently, until translucent. Do not let them burn. Salt lightly to help tenderize them. Add a small amount of water, if necessary, to keep them from sticking to the pan.
Remove the pot from the heat, add the sweet Hungarian paprika, stir. Add the tomatoes and the peppers (the sausage if you make it with meat), sprinkle with ground black pepper, salt to taste, pour in a little water and stir. Cooking tip: Do not burn the paprika, or it will become bitter.
Reduce heat, cover and simmer until tender, it takes 15-20 minutes. Do not overcook otherwise the skin of the peppers will remove.
Serve it with bread.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Delectable thank you - it was always my favourite dish

Yum!

[Delectable]

For you Sleepy,

Hungarian cucumber salad (Uborkasaláta)
There are variations on this salad that include raw, minced garlic, and some don’t use sour cream.
Ingredients
2 large English cucumbers
250 ml (1 cup) of water
1 clove of garlic, minced
3 tablespoons of sugar
2 tablespoons of 10% white vinegar
sweet paprika powder (to sprinkle)
ground black pepper (to sprinkle)
Salt
Takes 20 min
Serves 4.
Instructions
Peel the cucumbers and, using a mandolin slicer, slice both cucumbers as thinly as possible into a bowl. Add the salt and mix the cucumbers slices to lightly and evenly coat them. Let sit for 30 minutes to draw out the water from the cucumbers.
The cucumbers will release about ½+ cup of liquid. Then, take large handfuls of cucumbers and, with your hands clenched, squeeze out as much liquid as you can and place the balls of squeezed cucumbers in a bowl. Discard the liquid.
In a cup, combine the sugar, the vinegar, and the water and stir until the sugar is dissolved. Add this mixture to the squeezed cucumbers and mix thoroughly. Add the chopped garlic, sprinkle with paprika powder and ground black pepper.
The vinaigrette is so light and refreshing, that you will be tempted to drink it after you eat the cucumber salad. Enjoy!

[Delectable]

For you Sleepy

Hungarian Floating Island (Madártej)
Recipe
Ingredients for 4 people:
6 eggs
1 liter of whole milk
1 vanilla pod or 3 tablespoons of vanilla extract
6 tablespoons of sugar
Lemon zest – optional
Instructions:
Separate the egg yolks from the whites. Do not let any egg yolk get into the white. (Yolks go in a medium bowl, whites go in a large bowl.)
Slice the top outer layer of the vanilla pod in half lengthwise. Once you have cut through the outer layer you can open the vanilla pod to reveal the many little black seeds inside. Use a spoon to scrape out the seeds.
Start heating milk in a big pot, add the vanilla beans. Heat until hot but not boiling.
In a bowl beat the egg whites until stiff peaks form. When the milk is hot, using a spoon, put the dollops of egg-white foam in the milk (they will look like dumplings). Cook one side for about 2 minutes, then flip to the other side, cover the pot and cook for another 2 minutes. When the egg-white foam dollops have boiled, take them out of the milk and place them in a strainer or colander.
Beat the egg yolks with the sugar until thick and the color is light yellow. Add this mixture into the hot milk and stir continuously. Do not let it boil. This prevents the eggs from scrambling. Keep stirring until you get a creamy content. After turning the heat off, keep stirring for another minute.
When it is ready, pour the contents into nice serving bowls and let it cool down.
Then place the boiled egg white foam on the surface of the cream. Sprinkle with lemon zest.

[Guest_1643]

my grandmother used to make that cucumber salad too - thank u so much for sharing