Teen child anxiety PTSD Trauma?

[JayCee28]

Teen child does not want contact with his father, teen has told father constantly via text,mother ( me) and child psychologist over and over he wants no contact at all with father.

Issues from abusive/ grooming behaviour from father when we were a family unit.

father has recently contacted child ,child’s reply to father was father should K himself.

I sat down with teen and said that is not an appropriate thing to say to anyone, teen could have said he doesn’t want contact.

teens reply was he has said it over and over 1000’s of times, his father doesn’t listen.

I will let child psychologist know what has happened.

what can I do in this situation??

[indigo22]

Hi again JayCee28,

Sorry to hear you are still having difficulty with this situation.

My suggestion would be to change any phone numbers he has for your son, along with email addresses. He will still be able to send letters or cards to your address, but you would be able to intercept those for your son. If he cannot contact your son directly, it will give your son a chance to recover.

I hope this helps,

indigo

[JayCee28]

Hello indigo,

Father of child was not supposed to have our address it was accidentally given to him by a third party.

It causes teen child to have anxiety that father just sends things at his own choice.

lawyers have advised not to send any other contact via mail.

All this is still be dragged though court so I don’t think I could change teens number.

I do worry about the distress teen is feeling to come to the point of texting something like that.

[indigo22]

I understand your worry about the distress and I feel for both of you.

The only other thing I can suggest is to explain to teen that you and he have no control over what father does or doesn't do, but you and he do have control over how and if you respond. If neither of you respond at all, hopefully eventually it will send a clear message of no contact and the persistence will stop.

I'm sorry I can't be of more help but willing to listen anytime you need support.

indigo 

[therising]

Hi JayCee28

I feel so much for you and your son, given everything you're facing. It must be incredibly stressful for your son, to be facing what sounds like harassing and self serving behaviour on his father's part. While his father sounds desperate to make contact, a parent's priority must be their child's mental health. This is something you can of course relate to yourself.

Do you think that helping your son find the right words for his father could give him some sense of relief? With what feels like thousands of times for your son (trying to communicate no wish for contact), it sounds like he has tried to finally put it into words in a way where his father may actually get the message. A final text to make things clear and help give your son a sense of control could be 'I'm now blocking you so that you will get the message, there will be no further contact between us'. With your son blocking his father's number, he can't feel texts he can't see. Also, he may eventually stop feeling the sound of a message coming in as a dreadful (dread filled) sound. With my father having developed dementia, he used to phone me almost constantly to the point where the sound of my mobile ringing and the 'ding' from message bank used to trigger my nervous system horribly. His record was 93 calls in one day. A particular sound can become a significant trigger for anxiety. It was actually my brother who suggested blocking our dad on occasion in order for me to gain a sense of relief. I had a number of stressful things going on in my life at the time and the calls were significantly adding to the stress.

Whether your son chooses to also block his father's emails is up to him. Any further contact can be achieved through you and/or your legal people. Making it clear to your son 'Everyone around you is managing your father's contact so that you don't have to' may feel to him like everyone's got his back.

[JayCee28]

Child has tried for years to relay a message to his dad that he doesn’t want contact, to visit or receive texts.

Anything teens sends father says I sent it, no matter if son is adamant about not wanting to see his dad, father blames me and says I’m withholding son from him.

I have been slandered by father through the court process, all I’m doing is trying to do the best for our child, mentally and emotionally.

Father doesn’t show feel empathy to ANY situation…. He makes everything a battle.

Son has blocked him before ( years ago) I talked to teen and said blocking is not the option just tell him you don’t want contact,maybe I should have just let teen block him?

Father continued to text inappropriate texts to teen, teen is getting more and more angry.

I understand what my/ our son is going through, his father and father’s family do not… to them teen is a must have, something that belongs with them , a possession maybe? They don’t seem to comprehend teens feelings .

Sad situation 

thankyou for your response 

[therising]

Hi JayCee28

I'm wondering what your son's psychologist advises, especially given how mentally disturbing (stressful, angering etc) his father's behaviour has become.

[indigo22]

Hi JayCee28,

You really are going to hell and back for your son and it is indeed a sad situation. It takes a lot of strength to face the slander and still hold your head up high, you are a wonderful mother and you are doing everything you possibly can for your son, don't ever doubt that.

I have one more suggestion: Given that his father thinks that the communications are coming from you, can I suggest that your son take a video of himself telling his father, for the last time, that he does not want any communication at all from him and that after the video is sent, he will be blocking his father from his phone permanently.

This will give you evidence about how your son feels about his father for future reference and will give your son some closure at the same time.

Is this something you and he would be comfortable doing?

I really feel for both of you through this difficult time of your lives, take care of each other 💜.

indigo

[JayCee28]

Sons physiologist understands what teen is saying, her comment to teen was if she had his permission she could try and talk to his dad to help him see reason, she said she’s pretty smart but she doesn’t think father will listen.

We can all see child point of view and for a valid reason behind his view.

Father won’t listen, hasn’t been accountable for any of the situations he has put his son through and shows no empathy to sons wishes ..

[JayCee28]

Thats a great idea I don’t know how my son would take it, I do believe he would be anxious, I’ll ask him and see what he says .

Either way I’m pretty sure father will say I forced the video .

WE my teen and I can’t win these no peace or respect in anything we ask.

As his father stated NO ONE can tell him what to do, no one is his boss he will do what he wants . 😕