Surrounded by abusive relationships

[Dubpat]

Hi, I don't even know how to portray how loneuI feel. I have had an on and off abusive relationship with my partner of 14 years and it is in the off stages again. My partner could be quite abusive and would have a "snap" and have extended periods of yelling anywhere from 2mins to an hour. I have finally separated for him to sort himself out. He is admitting full blame, we have two children together and he is saying he hasn't done right by them and that everything is his fault, our poor financial situation, the anger and he has taken a few steps to show he is possibly serious. He has made a plan and seems to be following it and in the meantime we're having space and contact is occurring surrounding the Children to be able to see them as he has moved into a friends house and the situation does not yet permit any kind of routine situation as he is still setting up a room limited space etc and I am residing with my mother and my youngest is staying with me and during week mornings my son is dropped off to me before my partner begins work. My problem now is my mother seems to think I should be having absolutely no contact with my partner, she is jealous to the extreme of anyone getting closer to me than she wishes to be and is constantly guilting and questioning my decisions. I have an entire lifetime background of this manipulative self centred behaviour. I was stolen from as a child, entire bank accounts and trust funds sucked dry, money my father gave me as pocket money, I was made to believe I had behaviour issues, called slag and constant filthy references to my sexual character from childhood. My own father was a highly abusive individual who my mother left when I was 10 and who could never get along with in a civil moment from that day forward. I had school functions ruined because of their inappropriate conduct having altercations etc yet would run back to him the minute she needed money and he would give it as a kind of control. I was put right in the middle of it. Is my mother doing this to me because she is jealous that there is civility in my situation? She says she is protecting me however she is just as emotionally abusive and does anything in her power to cut me off from support and make herself my only source of support yet I feel I would be better off without any of these people. I seem to attract this as I'm a people pleaser and I tolerate it to avoid drama.

[Hang10]

Hi Dubpat

Welcome to the B.B. forum, I only quite new on here but found a lot of information that has helped better my life and life situation and hope that the B.B forum helps you too.

Firstly a big congratulations on beening so strong in your life. You have handled a lot more than most in life and done so with credit.

The dramas and negative relationships has sadly been your shadow all your life. A lot of people who have troubled childhood sadly end up with troubled adulthood as it hard to brake away from the emotional drainage stuff.

You need some peace in your life. I hope that you get to find that. As you get older in life drama tends to drain us more than when we are younger.

It be hard for you to move back at home. Hopefully you get to have your own place again. This will help with self esteem and confidence.

Your husband I hope keeps showing you improvement not only for himself but his children as well. That he changes his spots fully.

Your mum may be worried about the continued dramas in your life. I not shore but maybe she might be a little too controlling in your life and maybe your life had way too much of that already.

Believe in yourself. Take care. Make decisions that best for you and son. You need peace.

Hang 10.

[Croix]

Dear Dubpat~

Welcome here to the Forum, I'm sorry life has been so hard on you, it sounds really difficult. You asked right at the end of your post if you attracted abusive people. You did not choose your parents and by the sound of it they are a very large part of the problem.

All the things you mentioned will leave a bleak shadow over a person's life. Being constantly verbally abused and put down, having your money stolen, the bad behavior at functions and all the rest really will make a person doubt their worth, plus there is no example of what a relationship should be to hold on to.

Despite all that you come across as a sensible person who loves her kids and is dealing in with a difficult partner in a competent manner, arranging a temporary separation and working together for the kid's sake. People pleaser or not you are handling the matter in what I'd expect is the best way possible.

I hope that your partner will get effective treatment and his anger and abusive behavior get under control, I guess time will tell.

Your mother sounds horrible, controlling and selfish. I would think she is not only bad for you, but probably for your youngest who lives with you at her place.

After a lifetime I doubt she is going to change, is it absolutely essential you live with her? I know that in your situation it might not be easy to find anywhere else, it's just you are having no sort of life as things are.

There are organizations that can give practical help to people stranded by an abusive relationship.

Parents have an enormous effect on their children, even when they are adults, and their behavior can do great harm.

I'm sure trying to deal with all this is very hard. Do you have anyone to support you?

I hope you feel free to come here and talk as much as you would like, you will always be welcome

Croix