Supporting a friend with PSTD

[SallyM]

I am been supporting a friend with PSTD for the last 8 months. Much of this have actually been happy times for us as friends and valued by both. At times my support and care was valued and at times clung too. Its always been a fine line between providing the support and giving space.

The PSTD has been compounded by a housing issue for which there is no current resolution. He has received specialised counselling since last August but referrals to a psychiatrist have been slow and the first appointment is for next week. He was prescribed anti depressants in late October and they appeared to allow him to function and even have some happy times but he was unable to sleep. In a series of disappointments for him he went off his medication for a week and resulted in a change of medication, this time leaving him sleepy, irritable and totally fixed on his problem. He has been angry at me for this time and now believes the care and support I have offered do nothing to help him.

Over the period he has pushed back on me 4 times, in person, in phone conversation and now in text which have caused me some distress but I also understand the person I valued has a mental health problem of significance. Each time he has wanted contact but reduced its scope. Face to face went to phone only, we reached a point in December/January were we did both. 3 weeks ago he told me the conversations that once gave him happiness now caused him pain and he didn't have the strength to talk. Last evening he pushed away from the texts. "Kind words would not help is situation". I am aware he has pushed others away and then been critical of them for a lack of support. He has always been remorseful after the the upsetting , angry times.

I don't want to be the one who walks away and at the same time don't want this to cause me pain. I cut the conversation off last night with an ok, Have a good evening rather than cause any further damage to either. I have read many of the threads on what to say . They haven't worked.The kindness and care is simply rejected as being of no use although he is grateful. I would appreciate some guidance on how and if to continue contact during these times, knowing that the needed help is at hand but it may also take some time.

[SallyM]

In the months since I posted many things have changed, some for the better. We have resumed constant contact and I have been able to cope much better with the circumstances myself. Permanent housing is in place but the pressure is now on finding a job which has pushed him to the edge again. There are many ups and downs in the extent of his depression. I am deeply concerned that there is no treatment currently. He did attend the psychiatrist twice, once with his counsellor but on the recommendation decided not to peruse this and remain with counselling. He has not reached the stable place to deal with the trauma/torture side of things and is no longer taking antidepressants. My concern is for his welfare in terms of the depression and anxiety while he "waits" to stability to progress the PSTD treatment. This is leading to very short term decisions and the cycle of overthinking and inability to progress. I am not sure how to move this ahead while the situation for the time being remains within his control.