Stuck in a place where I don't belong

[Guest_55168751]

People think I am suicidal, but I am always like this - whenever I have any restriction of any freedom, I freak out, it doesnt matter whatever is prescribed, or even if I am not on any medication as approved by a clinic.

As soon as dad and stepmom started talking about pek chai and ah gau years ago, making weird rude names to install onto people, and when I knew there was such thing as affordable broadband and I was stuck on dial up, and I didn’t get to eat a sunny side up egg everyday, I was always going to be upset. (Trust me, I can recall every single thing that makes me upset, my brain does work differently)

Some call it suicidal, but people think I am weird, call me names, because I am like a computer, only seeking a version of existence that I am comfortable with, but that is also rude and racist. So what if there are fixed items: flavours, things, tactile, sensations I need to feel happier? Any restriction of those if done by others is an unwarranted experiment, at worse deprivation of liberty.

But if not, and I can’t find those myself, then it’s still items I require to have or feel in order to function. And when I attain a level of comfort, even if I don't blame others, it feels like gets taken away for no reason?

What is so wrong about my thinking? Why can’t I just be allowed to be me? Why are vetting case managers so weird with neurodiversity? It is not childish. Every single adult is different and unique. It is not an indicator of illness.

How can I talk to my counsellor about things so that I can be released from this place where I do not belong? What are my legal rights as a Victorian and Australian?

[Croix]

Dear New Member~

Welcome to the Forum where you will always be welcome. If you will pardon me I'm guessing that you are in a ward, and as such have lost a lot of control over your life.

I have been in the same situation and had to rely upon others when seemed not to see things as I did.

You sound like a person who has fixed views on what you need and want and these are not all present now. As a result you freak out -which many indeed be nothing to do with being suicidal.

I guess your dad and stepmom were talking about Malaysian foods from the past (my apologies if I've misunderstood) and as a result you did not even have the foods you liked.

Trying to live a life where the things you need are present is hard, maybe at times impossible, however I hope on the whole you manage.

There is indeed if not free speech at least a great deal of latitude in what a person says, however rudeness is not helpful and racism is condemning a while load of inoffensive people with a label when only a few might deserve it.

Perhaps bearing these in mind might make your case manager more cooperative, particularly as you say "Every single adult is different and unique"

When on a ward I've tried ot find something I enjoy (in my case books) and help the time pass that way. Is there anything that will do that for you?

Croix