The worst type of betrayal

[Broken79]

My heart is in my throat.
My partner of 5 years sexually assaulted my 14 year old while he was intoxicated. The mandatory processes are in place
And he says he doesn't remember. I asked him to leave the house as soon as I found out and my daughter is safe.
He knows he can't come back
My heart aches for my little girl.
And I feel so messed up because I am grieving our relationship and I feel so guilty.
Please help me get through this

[Sophie_M]

Hey Broken79,

We are incredibly sorry to hear what you're going through and how much pain you are in right now. We can hear the love and concern you have for your daughter, and can only imagine how difficult this must be for you both. Please know that these forums are a safe space for you, and our caring community are here to offer as much kind support, advice and conversation as you need during this difficult time. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for support in a time of grief, and we hope that this can be a place of comfort for you during this time and while these mandatory processes are undertaken.

We'd also really encourage you to reach out for some extra support through this, including from our friends at 1800RESPECT. The understanding counsellors can offer confidential information, counselling and support 24/7 to help both you and your daughter who have been through trauma like this. You can contact them anytime on 1800 737 732 or also through webchat at https://www.1800respect.org.au/ ​​​​​ We’d also welcome you to talk these feelings through and reach out to the caring counsellors at our Support Service, who are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

We know it has taken so much strength for you to share your story today and we are so grateful that you decided to post. We hope that you can find some solace in the forums and please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread throughout your journey, whenever you feel ready to. 

 

[Summer Rose]

Hi Broken79

Welcome to the bb forum. I know it took a lot of courage to share your story, and I appreciate the trust you have bestowed upon this community.

I am so sorry that your daughter was sexually assaulted by your partner. As a mother, I can imagine how upset you must be. It’s an absolutely dreadful gut wrenching situation.

Please know that the only person responsible for this crime, this abhorrent breech of trust, is your partner.

I think the way you have supported your daughter, believing her and acting quickly and strongly to protect her, is excellent. It will provide a solid foundation for you two to get through this together.

You have both lost so much but you do have each other—and that’s what matters most.

You are a loving mother and I imagine your grief, sadness and anger will take a long time to pass. Please don’t be hard on yourself—you wouldn’t be human if you weren’t experiencing a range of emotions.

I really want to encourage you to seek professional support for you and your daughter. There is just so much to process with this trauma that support will be essential.

I’m not sure what you mean by “mandatory processes”. Does this mean the police are involved? No pressure to answer, only share if you feel comfortable.

Repost any time. You and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers.

Kind thoughts to you

[geoff]

Hello Broken, can we offer you a warm welcome to the forums, although under such an abhorrent situation and our thoughts are with not only you but also your daughter in a position you would never have expected?

We're pleased the mandatory process has begun which will provide his name on a list no one would ever want.

It doesn't matter how or why this happened it's against the law and will pertain him with a label that is highly not respected by the community.

Our hearts go out to both of you as it's so disappointing this has actually eventuated and just because he says he doesn't remember is such a load of c*rc, then your trust with him in the past may bring many questions to mind.

You shouldn't feel guilty and if you do, we're so sorry, but you can't be responsible for knowing this may happen, and if I can say that your daughter can contact Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 either by phone or webchat and are trained counsellors and dress in casual clothes which breaks down the barrier in making those feel more comfortable.

You mustn't forget about yourself, as you've lost a relationship in unforeseen circumstances and need to also talk with a psychologist.

Can I remind you to mention the mental health plan to your doctor, this entitles you to 10 Medicare paid sessions per year, with the possibility of more appointments.

There could be a waiting period so if you can book one to see a.s.a.p there may be a waiting period, but if there is, please get back to us to discuss your situation.

My thoughts.

Geoff.