PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Rosy Today is not a good day
  • replies: 8

So much has happened in my life, since childhood. My father was very strict, my mum had mental health issues since childhood. We were sent to my Nan's when mum was not good and we were often by my dad that we would be sent to an orphanage. Whenever t... View more

So much has happened in my life, since childhood. My father was very strict, my mum had mental health issues since childhood. We were sent to my Nan's when mum was not good and we were often by my dad that we would be sent to an orphanage. Whenever they had an argument I was told it was my fault, I believed that because mum got pregnant with me, they had to get married. I was often left out, whilst my sister was loved by everyone, I have always loved her, she is my rock. When I was 17/18 I got my first job, where I was groomed and sexually assaulted by my boss. At the same time, my parents separated and my mum took my two sisters to live in another town, then a couple of weeks later, my dad moved out and I was left alone. I often wondered why I was left behind, that I was so unloved. I have no happy memories of my childhood, I remember hugging my dad once and he told me to get away and pushed me away. I never hugged him again. Throughout my life I thought I had friends but I've found that most of them talk to me only because of my husband. I worked hard and had a good reputation and then I started working where I work now. I didn't notice at first how toxic the environment was until I found out my boss was telling everyone how useless I was at my job. Apparently my boss told other staff what a terrible person I was, how I couldn't do my job and told stories about me. I couldn't figure out why colleagues stopped talking to me. I decided to resign and another manager stopped me, a few weeks later, my boss was investigated and had her contract terminated. I have spent the last couple of years trying to unravel the lies spread but it has been hard. In the meantime, I have had breast cancer and a heart attack and I am not the person I used to be. Now my marriage is in name only, and my husband who says he loves but he no longer shows affection or sleeps withe me. I'm tired of this existence.

Empathuniverse Narcissistic abuse recovery
  • replies: 6

Hello Everyone, I just wanted to say hello to everyone in this group who may be struggling at this time to be able to talk to someone and get the support of resources that they may need at this time.I am presently trying to focus on recovery after be... View more

Hello Everyone, I just wanted to say hello to everyone in this group who may be struggling at this time to be able to talk to someone and get the support of resources that they may need at this time.I am presently trying to focus on recovery after being in two NPD relationships back to back.I learned a lot but it was also extremely traumatic and I have so much too unpack. ONE of the biggest things is how to have healthy relationships, set boundries and gain my own self worth and just plain saying no and putting myself first.Some of the things a NPD doesnt want you to do is be empowered so its unlearning all of that so your not absolutely miserable. Its amazing that we give so much away in the name of love only to have someone completely abuse it. I am the only one who can say no and no again and I want to exercise that right. Anyone who loves and supports you will work with your needs and not need to take so much.You may not be in this place and time in your own recovery as everyones story is different but I do hope that you have some support or are on your way to being able to reach out for it. Please do we are not the product of the NPD relationship we are so much more than that.

Guest_10073 Coercion, Abuse, and Feeling Alone in My Struggle
  • replies: 10

I’ve been coerced into sex by someone who I thought was a mentor and a leader in human rights.I respected and admired him lots.He’s a researcher, a women’s rights defender, and runs a civil service organization. He approached me romantically and coer... View more

I’ve been coerced into sex by someone who I thought was a mentor and a leader in human rights.I respected and admired him lots.He’s a researcher, a women’s rights defender, and runs a civil service organization. He approached me romantically and coerced me into sex, making me feel trapped and confused. We were in a relationship, but the whole time, I felt pressured and controlled. The event happened before I came to Australia. I was staying in Thailand at the time because of the conflicts in my home country. There were some times I was sick, intoxicated, or under his influence, and he used that to manipulate me. I initially resisted even his kiss,but it felt impossible to escape later days because of his repeated attempts and influences. Looking back, I now realize that what he did was wrong, but at the time, I didn’t understand it fully. What hurts the most is the disbelief and blame I’m facing from others, especially on social media. People don’t understand coercive control and rape, and it feels like no one believes me. He kept reaching out to me online, using me as a sex object, and I’m devastated by how he used me for his own purposes. I feel worthless, like I’ve lost my dignity and self-worth. The trauma, nightmares, and pain are overwhelming. I’m seeing a therapist almost every day to try to make sense of it, but it’s hard to cope when society and the connections he has make me feel so alone. I feel like no one understands what I went through.

Angle Past problems with sister
  • replies: 1

Hi I am 15 I struggle with sister problems I am the youngest I have fear of abandonment in 2023 my middle sister who is now 17 left because she couldn't handle the answer no it has a huge affect on me ahe is constantly saying awful things about me on... View more

Hi I am 15 I struggle with sister problems I am the youngest I have fear of abandonment in 2023 my middle sister who is now 17 left because she couldn't handle the answer no it has a huge affect on me ahe is constantly saying awful things about me online and ahe calls me all these names what do I do as I cant respond or in her eyes it's abuse and as of safe environments she has ruined school for me as I get called names and things thrown at my head

Orangeicy Time to boundary up with toxic family
  • replies: 3

I took my kids to my home country for a visit earlier this year. I have been low contact with my father for around a year. It started out when I couldn't handle his lack of effort anymore. I would often send him pictures of my kids (school, outings e... View more

I took my kids to my home country for a visit earlier this year. I have been low contact with my father for around a year. It started out when I couldn't handle his lack of effort anymore. I would often send him pictures of my kids (school, outings etc) and tell him stuff. His response was mostly a thumbs up or at best - a "how nice" comment. My low contact began as a test: if I stop writing will he notice and reach out. Will he miss me? Well that was a big fat no to that last question. I've heard nothing and his effort in communicating with me is pure business "I've put money over for the kids birthdays" (IF he remembers that is.)Our visit home was the same lack of effort. We lived at my mums place while back visiting and she was pressuring me to go spend a week at dads house. I told her that made me feel very uncomfortable - I don't want to stay in a place that puts my entire body in alarm. And being around my dad does just that.I told him I'd be happy to meet up somewhere (picnic, forest trip) but that I didn't not want to sleep at his house. I have a child who is neurospicey and forming a base somewhere is important for his well-being. I have come to realise my communication with him is purely from a place of being an obedient daughter who is always "nice" and let people walk all over her. And my mum expects the same of me. Kindness, self-sacrificing and ignore your gut-feeling.I was never expected to move away. I was never to have dreams of my own. I was meant to stay in my home town, obey and serve my family. In stead I moved to another country and is now realising that if I hadn't I would've been miserable forever. And I can see now, that my dads behaviour...my own two brothers behaviours and my mums also, when I speak up and ask "why can't we communicate more often? Why can you be so generous with your time when we visit home but cut me off when I go back to Aus?" ...is all about punishment. I moved away where they wanted me to be bound to them forever, in servitude. Because I am told I should just move back home if I want to talk more often. Where realistically they could press a button and instantly send me a message IF they wanted to. Happy new years and realising my family of origin is the toxin.

Tyingtobreathe ***Trigger Warning*** Sibling sexual abuse
  • replies: 1

Hi there, I won't be able to write everything down so I'll try and get to the point of everything that has happened to me in the last 9 months. For ref I'm a 31 yr old mother of 3 young children and a wife. I've never struggled with mental health in ... View more

Hi there, I won't be able to write everything down so I'll try and get to the point of everything that has happened to me in the last 9 months. For ref I'm a 31 yr old mother of 3 young children and a wife. I've never struggled with mental health in my life up until now I'm having a complete mental breakdown and am just now seeking help so I can find myself again. I was sexually assaulted by my brother in march. I still can't wrap my head around it and I should've got help then. I hid it from my husband and family for about 4 months before I broke down and told my husband. It is so far from anything anyone ever expected. I don't really know what I'm trying to get out of writing this on here. Sorry to change direction but it will tie in at the end... I have a very toxic, emotionally abusive and narcissistic mother. She is a horrible human who I've called out many many times for her words and actions. I have cut her off many times throughout my life and she has always squeezed back in only to hurt me again. However she is now no longer in my life as of about 2 months ago and I will not allow her back again. But the thing is I told my mum this had happened to me about 6 months ago and she unloaded on me and told me he had also been doing it to our mum for about 4 years (I'm his biological sister and mum is his both our biological mum) it's so screwed up. I also found out my dad knew (mum and dad have been divorced 10 years) and he invalidated her and failed to get my brother help. I no longer talk to my brother obviously and had to grieve our sibling relationship whilst also dealing with what he'd done to me and our mum. I also have another brother I don't talk to as he has bipolar and depression and fails to seek help and he tried to bash me so I have an AVO on him. I have a sister as well who also has children and we were incredibly close, but in spetember she abused me verbally and harassed me because I had made the choice to cut off my mum. She never understood or listened to me when I would tell her what our mum had done to me and how toxic she was. So I've recently had to lose my sister too, and my children their cousins... There's just so much to unpack and so much I need to talk about, I'm getting a mental health plan on Monday from my gp and getting as much help in the meantime as I can. I've been using alcohol and drugs to escape. But I had a massive break down two weeks ago and since have completely stopped drugs all together and won't use them again. However alcohol is still a problem and I'm trying to get help for that too. This year I also got married, had major surgery, sold our house and our business. I think I was just trying to hold it all in and hold myself together for too long and now I'm broken. I don't even know myself anymore. Sorry for the massive read x

PsychedelicFur I feel like I'm not a good person and I don't deserve anything good
  • replies: 1

I feel like everyone hates me. I feel like I'm not a good person. Every person I come into contact with ends up most likely hating me. I should never have kids, marriage or a career because I don't deserve good things. I had a romantic interest recen... View more

I feel like everyone hates me. I feel like I'm not a good person. Every person I come into contact with ends up most likely hating me. I should never have kids, marriage or a career because I don't deserve good things. I had a romantic interest recently who got upset with me because I was checking in to see if they were OK and they thought I wanted to speak to them every moment of the day but they went quiet and when I checked in they were snappy and defensive. And I told them their attitude hurt my feelings and then they posted on social media how I showed my true colours. I'm not a good person. Everyone truly hates me. My ex friends. My ex partners. My estranged mum. Everyone hates me.

Guest_7403 The day I lost my soul
  • replies: 152

6 years ago today an event occurred that changed my life forever. I went to work, and 18hours later when I finally walked out of that place I was never the same again. Looking about at the person I was before it, and who I am today....I can only desc... View more

6 years ago today an event occurred that changed my life forever. I went to work, and 18hours later when I finally walked out of that place I was never the same again. Looking about at the person I was before it, and who I am today....I can only describe it as losing my soul, the guy I used to be ceased to exist. I've lost so much, my home, my life, my drive and any sense of happiness or enjoyment in the short journey of life. I'm resigned to the fact that I'm never coming back, no treatment, medication or self will can ever remove this pain I live with daily. Everyone I know tells me that they believe in me, they believe I'm still inside and they believe that I can overcome this. But they're wrong, the person I used to be could of overcome those things, im not that person anymore. No one seems to understand, it's like my mind and soul left my body that day...but my body kept living. There's no better life in the future, just more days of pain and suffering. I didn't ask for this to happen to me, im not a religious person but I find myself asking god did I do something in another life to deserve this punishment. For someone whose job was to lock evil up to protect the innocent, I am now a prisoner inside my own mind. Yet, there is no key for this door and no one can hear me screaming to be let out. I look forward to the day I see that light shine through the darkness and im finally at peace I'm not at risk, it's just a very hard day for me.

Guest_39083214 Rapist admits to rape whilst I was passed out police don’t arrest
  • replies: 1

In France this discovery of being raped while asleep was taken seriously I reported rape the man admits it the police man lied said he distant array him because I said not to this is not true I didn’t say that I did say sympathetically as I’m traumat... View more

In France this discovery of being raped while asleep was taken seriously I reported rape the man admits it the police man lied said he distant array him because I said not to this is not true I didn’t say that I did say sympathetically as I’m traumatised I do not think he would be good in jailthis is a man without ailments who visited doctors daily getting muscle relaxants I believe he spiked my drinks with I feel so stupid not getting it then I a roll through the rapist many text abusing me for not finishing my drink who does that no one forces you to drink your drink the man told police drinks were dear it’s lite cascade beer it’s $5 not something to abuse a lady over the man brags about being wealthy and is The rapist sent me a pornography story where he murdered me police also don’t care about this also has suspicious deaths around him I am disgusted we live in a rape accepted society I would never have reported the rape of his thought nothing would be done this man moved to my town I lived here since 1997 and now I’m a prisoner of my home this old 70 year old out at the beach oooglung his next victim