Friend is still friends with the person who sexually assaulted me.

[DireVi]

Hey there, this is my first time here and first time posting. Last year I was sexually assaulted by a "friend" after I came out as trans to them. I don't particularly want to go into that, but the thing that is really plaguing me is that my friends chose to believe the assaulter rather than me.

It took me a bit to get the guts to tell my friends, and its clear that during that time the assaulter "prepared" or something. After the whole ordeal, I was quickly abandoned by most of my friends and I now have one friend left. He's been my friend for over a decade. However, he's clearly part of that groups mentality.

Just a couple of examples: I told him of what happened, and then only a week later he invited the assaulter to our discord server so we could play together again. I decided to leave the server because I didn't want to be around him, and my friend responded with annoyance and mentioned how "inconvenient" it is for him to have deal with me leaving the server. On top of that, he constantly talks about the assaulter and all the fun they've been having together with the group. All things that I use to be able to be a part of, but now don't want to because of obvious reasons.

It's very clear that he wants me to "Get over it" and just make up with the assaulter or something. It only really hit me today how messed up this is. I'd really like to hear what others think about this situation.

Thanks,
Violet

[Sophie_M]

Hey Violet,

Wishing you a warm welcome to the forums, we are so grateful that you decided to take such a brave and important step in sharing your journey with us here. We are so sorry to hear what you've been through, and that upon opening up to your friends about this, they chose to believe the assaulter. On top of everything that you've been through, we can only imagine how painful and upsetting this must have been for you during a time when they should have been supporting you. Please know that we hear you, and we believe you. We hope that you feel these forums are a safe space for you to talk these feelings through, and our caring community are here to offer words of kindness and advice to help support you through this.

We also think it might really help to talk these feelings through with our friends at 1800RESPECT who offer confidential information, counselling and support 24/7 for people impacted by sexual assault. The kind and understanding counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice in situations like these, and are always available on 1800 737 732 as well as through online chat: https://www.1800respect.org.au/ ​​​We hope that you also always feel welcome to reach out to the friendly counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service, who are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 as well as through Webchat (3pm-12am AEST) at: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport 

We understand that it has taken a lot of strength and courage for you to share your story with us here, so thank you. We hope that you can find some comfort in the forums and please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread throughout your journey.

[Croix]

Dear Violet

I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you here and say to I simply beleive you too. To have those in your life you thought were freinds take the easy path and either don't believe you or say 'so what' and behave as before is heart-breaking.

It leaves you alone and feeling abandoned.

They were not your friends, they want an easy good time and do not value you.

I"ll add another link to the ones Sophie gave

https://qlife.org.au/

They are normally pretty good with people of all experiences, however at the moment the demand is so great (because they are good I guess) that there are waiting periods plus short consultations, please don't think you are not important, just that there are others in similar distress too.

I don't know your dad, I do know you need him now. Although a letter may be one way to tell him you are trans -and have been raped - it may give him to much time to respond. Maybe invite him out to a cafe and tell it all straight up, say you are still the person that has always loved him and need him now more than ever.

He may walk out, he may not. He may mellow over time

At least he will have a clear vision of you.

Please let us know how you go.

Can I suggest you have plan if you tell him and it does not seem to work out. Someone to visit, something to do, anything to be with others and not face it alone (no, you do not have to tell them why).

Do you think that is doable?

Croix

[Guest_74217187]

Hello beautiful I hope you have received support and going strong!! How have you been