Stop Locking Kids Up

[Fiatlux]

I don’t know if we can discuss this issue here but, I absolutely do not feel I can discuss this on any other platform but here.

I have at least 2 male relatives who I know were incarcerated as juveniles in the 1970-1980’s. Petty theft. One I know stole a bicycle and was sent to jail in his mid-teens.

Following the 4 Corners program last night, it has been playing over and over in my head, how this awful experience changed his life forever. I feel sick to the stomach about it. The saying that ‘he wasn’t the same’ when he came out is so true. He never spoke about it in specifics, not even to his parents. But we all knew that something awful was done to him.

He never returned to school, was unemployed for quite some time, never married and has never left his parent’s home. He is close to 60 now and still lives with his mother.

I will add that he didn’t re-offend. He wasn’t a criminal. He wasn’t an awful person. He was quite shy and quiet when we were kids. He was just a normal boy. Made an awful decision and has paid for it his entire life.

That’s the thing with Trauma. Once experienced, it stays forever. It does affect your life. It changes it forever. It changes you forever. And other peoples Trauma affects you too, forever.

I did feel like throwing stuff at the television last night. I wanted to scream at the television. The affect it had on me, was physical pain. Can we stop abusing children. Can we Stop Locking them up.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Fiatlux

 I think it’s completely ok to raise those issues here and it helps to express those feelings rather than hold them inside. I didn’t see the 4 Corners program but I know I would have found it distressing too. I’m so sorry for what happened to your relatives.

A few years ago I read a book called Ngangkari: Traditional Healers of Central Australia. They work in hospitals and prisons and grasp the meaning of healing the mind-body-spirit of a person. In the book they describe going to help a man in prison who was breaking down and self harming after the correctional and mental health services were unable to help. The first thing they did was to just hold the man while he cried as long as he needed. He was then able to speak about what was wrong for him, that he missed his family. After being present with him in this way they let him rest for a while, then returned to do their traditional hands on treatments. This helped and the man could find some balance within himself again. Someone had understood how he was feeling and knew how to be with him through that.

This so highlighted the basic need for empathy, compassion and attunement with others we all need. But we have a system where people are isolated and it makes their circumstances worse. It is particularly awful when this happens to young kids like your relatives. I don’t think punitive approaches ever work and that abuse occurs on top of that is horrendous.

 I feel it reflects society’s need to become much wiser and more emotionally intelligent in how we handle all things, including the justice system.

 I understand the feeling of trauma always being there and the sensitivity to others’ trauma as well. I’m working through this myself, and all I can say is that I’m working on transforming the destructive energies of trauma into energies of compassion, which involves a grieving process. I know this isn’t easy, but I think letting out anger and hurt can be part of it, but also loving kindness towards yourself. This is hard for me but I think it’s gradual and a windy path that sometimes goes backwards but is organically trying to move forwards.

Sending you a big hug xx

[Summer Rose]

Hi Fitalux

I think you’ve raised a really important issue for discussion. Thank you.

I can understand why the media reporting has upset you, given your personal connection to the injustice.  I’m really sorry for the pain you’re experiencing and the trauma experienced by your relatives.

You are not alone—I experience a visceral reaction to stories about institutional sexual abuse of children based on the historical experiences of one of my family members. It really hurts. And it’s so frustrating because so much pain and life destructive could easily have been avoided.

I am upset and frustrated by the incarceration, treatment and abuse of youth offenders, too. It’s mind boggling that this remains a national embarrassment, given the information available to show alternative approaches to youth offending not only exist but produce better outcomes.

Perhaps it would help ease your sense of helplessness and pain to join the efforts pressing for change? Community advocacy matters.
You could Google Australia’s Children Commissioner and see what advocacy for change is underway and look for ways to contribute. Just a thought.

Kind thoughts to you