Sexually dysfunctional after abuse

[abusedtoy]

I’m sexually dysfunctional, due to my extensive trauma history. I had no sexual arousal even when seeing complete nakedness during sex. I said I don’t understand what sex means as an adult. Every time when there’s sexual intimacy, I feel extreme humiliation all over again, as though the abuse was happening again. I was abused from age 1-24, suffered extreme sexual, physical and psychological ritual abuse. Plus, I always have the tendency to feel forced during sex, resembling rape, with my partner. The inclination to wanting to feel forced in everything sexual, was programmed by my past abusers. I couldn’t seem to be natural.

[CactusCookie]

I’m so sorry to hear you have been hurt. That’s just so many of the swear words I shouldn’t write on a public forum.

I’m not sure if this is remotely helpful, but I went through a period of time where sexual interactions just weren’t working for me. It all just felt wrong and upsetting. My partner was really upset because it filled an emotional need for them. We tried some non-sexual things to fill in the intimacy gap for a while. It was really weird at first. Sometimes just really long hugs or making eye contact. Sharing a dessert and really focusing on being in the moment with them.

I hope if you have a regular partner, you can talk it out with them and they can give you some space to find more enjoyable intimacy, if that is what you would like. If you don’t have a regular partner, I kind of feel like they can all get stuffed if they want you to do things you don’t want! You are the boss of your body now! It’s yours! Do what feels good (safely and kindly etc) and chuck all of the rest in the bin.

Cheering you on, but not in a creepy way.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi abusedtoy,

I just found your post today and I'm really glad to see you got some support and welcomes from CactusCookie.

How have you been since you last posted?

I'm so sorry to hear about the abuse. Abuse on it's own is horrific and yet you've had to deal with it over and over - it's completely understandable that it would be impacting your sex life now.

CactusCookie made a really good point about how you are the boss of your body now - I want to just echo it because it is so true. I think things being 'natural' are when things feel safe. When there's sexual intimacy, you don't feel safe - which is why it doesn't feel natural. It's not your fault of course, but rather your bodies way of remembering what's happened and trying to protect you.

Have you gotten any sort of support? Or is your partner supportive? Having someone to talk to can help, and being able to 'let your body know' that it's okay for things to be natural now.

rt