Sexual Assualt, mental health, full-time work, support?

[bonvita_p]

Hallo BB community,

I am reaching out for advice. I experience very extreme ups and downs caused by complex trauma from childhood sexual assault. I went to a music festival in Nov 2018 and experienced assault again and haven't had a grip all year, I started a new full-time job thinking a fresh start would distract me but ive had multiple break-downs and seriously embarrassing emotional days. I have recently applied for counselling and cognitive behavioural training through Victim Services but ive seen two psychologists in 6 months and really don't feel like they've helped. My mum keeps telling my it'll take time but I am burning out.

I have spiralled AGAIN> displays of aggression to my boss and total anti-social behaviour with colleagues leading up to it.

Felt like I was experiencing bullying all year and told myself I could talk it out with people before the holidays. A lot of the time they work in pairs and I never felt considered. I must have been too confrontational because I have been given a warning from my boss about it. Im really disappointed in myself for not handling it, im an only child and I think I take these things too seriously, I was so embarrassed and didn't know what to say to anyone. I feel sick and pathetic that this is how I feel. I talked to my GP about it and he gave me a 3 day medical note and said it sounds like everyone at work is stressed. Ive worked really hard all year and he knows I have. My boss wanted to know what was wrong with me, hes really old school and makes all the woman at work uncomfortable so this was really  hard for me. I told him my GP says im stressed, he asked for a diagnoses, I said complex trauma, he said that has nothing to do with work and if its affecting me then I shouldn't be in the workforce and he would like to know so he can replace me. I want to crumble. I don't want to find another employer. I want to sit with myself and accept the world, study at tafe and do volunteer work for the planet.

Does anyone know where child sexual assault victims stand under disability payments from centrelink?

I don't feel like ive healed at all this year. I feel so tired and angry. I want to take time out to heal.

[Croix]

Dear Bonvita.p~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum. It takes a fair bit of courage & desperation to reach out here , however it's all good. People here have all had great hardship in their lives, and it makes for more understanding and care.

I have PTSD, depression and anxiety, though work, not due to childhood assault , which in turn you had reinforced in 2018. Under those circumstances I'm most impressed you were able to go to work at all, and if a spill over from your experiences made you a bit hard to get on with then that's OK, it comes with the territory.

Before I was invalided out I too gave my boss and other members a very hard time. I did not treat my partner well either.

It's hard to realize it is not you, it is the illness that is causing your behavior. No that's not a cop-out, simple fact. Anger, failure to cope, lack of trust, lack of self worth ... the list goes on.

Actually your boss sounds an unfeeling pig, and it may well be your coworkers there where cliquey and did exclude you, probably even before you reacted and became angry.

So feeling disappointed in yourself is plain wrong, feeling disappointed the symptoms are still so sever is the appropriate thing.

Complex PTSD needs specialist treatment, and the start of that is a psychiatrist whom you get on with and can come to trust.

I've needed that for my conditon for a long time and I'm still on meds, however the more pronounced symptoms of unreasonable anger, distrust, hopelessness and all have now settled down, I get triggered sometimes and am not always nice when stressed, but by and large live a good life with a loving partner and do productive work.

I do not know how you can manage it but taking time out, away from stressors helped me a lot. Perhaps if you talk to your GP to see what options are available to you. If he only hands out 3 day certificates for something as obviously serious and long term then perhaps you might see if there is another GP with an interest in mental health instead -as a starting point.

I don't blame you for not wanting to start the experience all over again in a new job, and think it great you have ambitions with TAFe and volunteer work - can I ask what you would like to study?

Do yo have anyone in your life to give you support, a family member or friend who you can talk to frankly, who will care and share the load? I had my partner and it made huge difference

I hope to talk with you some more, I think it would be good

Croix

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I wont repeat what Croix has posted but on the topic of Centrelink Disability pensions I have got experience in that matter albeit 6 years ago. That was the period when it was easier to be passed for receiving the pension, then it became a lot harder.

Also people often have this view that if they have psychiatric support by their own professional, that it will pass them for disability- that is very incorrect. Centrelink have their own system of approval and require their own professionals to evaluate you.

You could hwoever talk to Centrelink and ask them if there is room to move with sickness benefits. If you left your job you could be placed on Newstart but as well be on sickness benefits if approved which means not required to look for work. I'm not 100% sure of this as it could have been changed, ring and make an appointment, it's worth a chat to them.

All the best

TonyWK