Sexual Abuse

[monmoo]

I’m new to this website, however I am in need of venting right now. When I was a little girl (roughly 6 or 7) I was sexually abused by two of my cousins. I’m not going to get into detail but I will say that considering my age, I didn’t actually know what anything sexual was. I’m 15 now and I only just told my mother and step-father about it after years of it floating around in the back of my mind and occasionally the front. It feels absolutely amazing to have it let out but because I’ve been hiding it for so long (I didn’t know what to do) and I’ve been acting normally around everyone as to not ruin the family, I feel pathetic and regretful. I used to feel at fault but now that I’m older and I know how wrong it was, I know I’m innocent and shouldn’t have been treated that way. Anyways my mother started crying asking why I didn’t tell her and I tried to explain that when things like these happen, especially as a child we don’t know what to do and feel pathetic that we couldn’t stop it or do anything. She kept blaming herself and saying she was a bad mother, however I kept denying that because she isn’t a bad mother, I just couldn’t figure out how to tell her until now. My stepfather said he is very proud that I said something even though it was hidden, and he was extremely supportive. I keep getting a sick feeling like everything is going to change. And of course it will because life doesn’t stay the same. Unfortunately because of this trauma, my childhood was cut short and I learned that the world could be cruel just as much as it is beautiful. I guess I’m just scared that the family will be ruined. I’ve always been one to protect others and put myself last but honestly I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I have school in only five days (which I am grateful for) so I will be distracted and be comforted that things will still be the same just with a few changes. I hope I become open minded to the fact that things will change whether or not I’m scared of it.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Monmoo,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue online forums. Thank-you for reaching out and sharing your story with us. We know how difficult it can be to open up about situations like this but it is so important that you have done so. This is a safe and non-judgmental space to share your thoughts and feelings so feel free to keep checking in to let us know how you are going.

We understand that this must be a very stressful and scary time for you with changes likely to occur in your family. We'd like you to know that there are support options available if you need them.

You might like to reach out to 1800Respect by calling 1800 737 731 or via online chat here: https://chat.1800respect.org.au/#/welcome. 1800Respect is a free and confidential counselling service for sexual, domestic or family violence matters. When you contact 1800Respect, you will talk to a trained counsellor who will listen and support you in what feels right for you and your situation.

If you feel up to it, we’d also encourage you to reach out to our Support Service. We’re available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our professional mental health counsellors at our Support Service will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area.

Kidshelpline also offer 24/7 counselling for those under 25 years and are available by calling 1800 55 1800 or visit https://kidshelpline.com.au/

We’d ask if you can check back in whenever you feel comfortable. We look forward to hearing from you.

Sophie.