I’m still single, No kids, 38 and experienced something horrendous ,13 Years back.
I find past events hard to talk about. I’m finding it also hard to come to grips with my feelings and let my emotions flow. I’ve come ito contact with people who have blamed and judged me unfortunately who were not there when it happened and do not understand how it impacts me.
I went through 2 cases of relationships trauma. One was domestic violence in 2010 and the other was harrassment and stalking in 2013. I met the one who was stalking online at home one night on a mobile phone App. and I kept remembering I told everyone how worried I was. He assaulted me and rang me all hours of the weeks and in the mornings. He told me numerous of number of times that he didn’t want a relationship with me because I had really bad depression. but he kept calling me and calling my housemates, following me to work, coming around to the house sending ambulances and authorities around to my house.
i was 26 and despite having a solitary life (he’d say) with few people in it, I came out of a relationship of three years and I had un resolved problems with my parents.
I’ve been homeless after obtaining a rental for a three bedroom beach house. People look at me like crap. I get treated like im pieces of shit tbh. It makes me find it hard to talk to people and I withdraw which is difficult to come out of. I hate. It
I turn to large amounts of ju food which I’ve now been Diagnosed type 2 diabetic which is the bomb drop I didn’t need to hear. I find it hard to come to terms with myself. I can’t travel I havnt traveled or done anything.
I want to feel that emotional state of being confident and that I can remind myself that I am entitled to be happy. But I wake up panicking every day.
