PTSD from violent sexual assualt

[Coastcruiser]

Hey guys,

I’ve read a lot on these forums and it’s great 👍🏼

Im struggling at the moment with severe PTSD symptoms from a violent sexual assault by at unknown perpetrator, there were weapons involved. I’m 30 I was 15 at the time, I’m only seeking help now, and it’s re-traumatising me emmensly. I put it in a box for 15 years but I haven’t been able to have a single relationship or trust anyone really. I’ve got on with it really.

I’m learning my triggers and I get severe physical symptoms such has increased HR 120-130 BPM when bad. I see a lot of people have experienced similar, it they mostly known there perpetrator?

anyone been in a similar situation of an unknown perpetrator?

thanks 💪🏼

[geoff]

Hello Coastcruiser, please let me offer you a warm welcome.

To hold this by yourself for 15 years is a very long time, probably far too long, especially when you were only 15 and weapons were involved, is a very serious offence, one which a 15 year old should never have to cope on your own.

The triggers you either know or from the help you are getting are so important for your recovery.

I personally have not experienced such horror but my heart is out to you in every way.

There are several places I could suggest for you to contact and perhaps if can google this 'rape counselling in Australia', I'm sorry I know it's what you may have done so already and if so, I apologise.

There are some questions I would like to talk about, but will only do when you are feeling better.

My thoughts are with you.

Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Dear Coastcruiser

Hello and welcome to the forum. So pleased you posted here. I have not been assaulted by someone unknown or in fact assaulted in that fashion. However I can imagine how devastating it can be. I am not trying to say I understand it all, but being in pain as the result of another's deliberate actions is something I can relate to. Having this experience at 15 years old is dreadful. I can see why you find it hard to trust anyone let alone allow yourself to love and care.

It's good you are getting help now and I do understand about the re-traumatising aspect. Unfortunately it's the first thing that happens when we seek help. Not deliberate but very off-putting. I hope you will persevere. There is light at the end of tunnel (to use a common phrase). Do you go to a psychiatrist? I see a psychiatrist regularly.

Physical effects are unexpected I found but really it is logical we should be panicky, feel breathless, pain in the chest and have that feeling of dread. It really will get better and you will heal. After 15 years it's time to let go and heal. I am learning this also though it's not been as long for me.

Please persevere and continue to post here.

Mary

[Coastcruiser]

Hi Guys,

thanks for your kind words, people very close to me have known of the assault but not much to the degree or nature. I’ve never really spoken of it or brushed it off. Im now seeing a physiologist, I just hope things get better I guess, as I live quite stressed to say the least

[White_Rose]

Hello Coastcruiser

So pleased you are getting some professional help. I do understand your reluctance to describe what happened, it would be dreadful. Please remember you will heal from this if you can talk through it with someone who is prepared to take things slowly. Make an arrangement with the psych that when it gets too much you can stop talking for a while or talk about something else. You will still get there but hopefully with less trauma.

You have a lot of strength simply starting the process. Hold on to the thought that there will be an end and life will get better. It will.

I hope you are able to post here now and then. Please use the forum to vent if it helps. I know you do not want to go into details and we cannot put details on thread so that's OK. Talk about this terrible thing more generally if you believe it will help. We are always here though not always immediately.

Hold tight.

Mary

[Guest8901]

Dear Coastcruiser,

Well done for joining BB and having the courage to post. You will find others here who have gone through similar things to what you have. I am one of those. Unless it happens to us, we really have no idea of just how much and how deeply it affects us. A violent sexual assault where our life is threatened is very much a life changing thing. I'm deeply sorry that you had to endure that.

Learning what triggers us is very important, as is dealing with the physical symptoms. I'm glad to hear that you are now seeing a psychologist, as they are the experts in providing you with tools to help you manage your symptoms. Perhaps you will undergo some trauma therapy when your psych feels you're ready to deal with that? Exposure Therapy, CBT and Mindfulness and EMDR are all known to be effective in helping us to desensitise our brains.

I totally understand you not wishing to talk about the extent of your trauma to anyone else, even close friends or family. Its 22 years since my assault, and I still have not told anyone about it other than my psychologist, and on my forum thread. I think its important to be able to talk about it though, and thats where your psych comes in.

I find your post quite triggering, so my apologies I've not offered much here. I will try to get back to you another time, but in the meantime I will keep abreast of your posts here. For now, I really wanted you to know that you are not alone, that I do care and understand what you're likely going through. And I would like to support you if you'll have me.

Dont give up Coast - PTSD can be treated with the aim of enabling us to manage the worst of the symptoms of it. It takes time, patience and a good therapist whom we can trust and feel comfortable with. They can equip us with life skills and tools to help us through the bad times.

I will talk again soon.

Amanda 🌺

[Coastcruiser]

Wow, thanks guys. Today was a bad, bad day. I just want to know I’ve done the right thing opening this box, for nearly 3 months now I’ve struggled to work, even hold simple conversation. I’m just highly, highly stressed but cant always pinpoint why. Short fused, almost acting crazy. Drinking heavily, smoking. Oh my. I just hope I did the right thing...

[geoff]

Hi Coastcruiser, it may feel awkward in starting this thread but none of us knows who you are or what you look like, so it's virtually like talking on the phone, the only difference is you have time to think before you type your comment, a big difference than talking on the phone where you are put in a position to answer straight away.

Your drinking and smoking will ease off once you start to find some freedom within yourself, because there will be many 'what if's' and definitely 'why' and everytime you ask yourself these questions there will be another answer.

What may need to happen is eventually find an equilibrium, a stable balance.

I hope you can still talk to us.

Geoff.

[Guest_829]

Ive had PTSD from stuff that happened in my childhood and im in my late 40's now, and its only in the last 4 years ive realised what was going on.sounds weird to the two friends ive tried explaining some of this to, because ive only just started saying some of this stuff out loud.its been i my head going round and round, being compartmentalised, squashed down, put aside, avoided, but always there like a twin or a shadow I suppose.im no expert on this subject, and I dont know the numbers or the specifics, but I think theres more people like me out there.no two stories are the same, and we all have different experiances and things going in.but your not alone.just wanted to say that

[Idkme]

Hi coastcruiser,

your worries and concerns are shared by us all. I feel the struggle you have because I also feel the way you do... I ask my psychologist every week why I’m doing this and I get the same answer.... because it’s time to sort out the fragmented part of my life and start to ‘live’ in the present world whole...

it amazes me how I lived for so many years having bottled up my abuse, never talking about it and preferring to ignore it. But now it’s so obvious how it’s impacted so many things in my life, chipping away at the little things and creating rifts in my life that I thought were only little fissures.

Theres no going back to bottling it up, it’s now time to ‘process’ those memories... to sort them out and make them yours and be more aware so you can get a grip on YOUR life and be more aware of how you function, so you can ‘sit’ within yourself and say ‘that’s me and I like me’.

It will take time... and I’m still a ways off but I never would have thought I’d get to this point where things are getting clearer and I’m starting to take control of the steering wheel... not by force but with an open outlook and sit back and enjoy the scenery....

you can read my posts on my thread to see how much I’ve travelled through... it stats with ‘newly triggered...’ and keep posting here to share your journey.

You haven’t done the wrong thing.... you’re now starting to live and ‘feel’.