PTSD Flashbacks and trying to work

[SleepyTinkerbell]

Hi. I don't really know how to start this, but I am reaching out since I have been struggling to cope.

I currently work a job that I love from 8am-4pm during the work week . They are super flexible, so I see my psychologist every 2 weeks (I haven't told them it is for psychology), and work longer that day to make up the missed hours.

All of this is so amazing and I am so grateful as I have wanted this job for a long time - it feels like I have finally achieved what I have been working towards for a while now. But now that everything is going well, my flashbacks are becoming really intense.

I called in sick on Thursday since I didn't have the energy to stay back another hour after my psychologist appointment. I went to work on Friday though and I felt on the verge of a panic attack most of the day. My heart almost constantly aches all hours of the day like I am heartbroken. I have been using all of my coping strategies to keep it together, but I still struggled to stop the flashbacks occurring at work. I am falling behind and I don't know what to do. I barely have the energy to show up (hence the falling behind) but I am going to have to start staying back to catch up on all the work I miss. I am too exhausted!

Does anyone have any advice? Should I talk with my workplace about my struggles and ask for a smaller case load? How much do I tell them? All I do all weekend is lie in bed and watch tv or read
Do I bother keeping it together at work?

[Sophie_M]

Hi SleepyTinkerbell,


Welcome to the forums, and thank you for your bravery and openness in sharing here. It’s a really good place to have come to hear from others, many will understand some of what you’re going through. We can hear how difficult the past few years have been, we’re so sorry that’s been going on.

It’s important to be kind to yourself while you go through this, and we think sharing here is a really good way to find understanding. If you want to talk through what you’re feeling at any time, the Beyond Blue Support Line is here for you 24/7 on 1300 22 4636. 
You can also reach them via Online Chat here (11am-midnight AEDT).

Thanks again for sharing. We’re sure we’ll hear from the lovely community soon. We’re here to listen and offer support, and you never know how your story might help someone else.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear SleepyTinkerbell,

I am really sorry your struggling with flashbacks..

It is a difficult question to answer...about do you or do you not take disclose to your workplace your mental health...

I do volunteer work...and their came a time when I had a breakdown at work..,and decided to tell them that I’m struggling with my mental health...,It worked out well for me...and my workplace has been very supportive of me...

How do you think your workplace would react towards your mental health?...Do you think they would be supportive towards you?....

Maybe a chat to your psychologist about how you’ve been feeling and how your flashbacks are increasing while at work...maybe something at work could be triggering these flashbacks...that your unaware of.... a talk with your psychologist could help you work it out...

Most important thing to do right now..is to be kind and gentle to yourself....self care is so very important in times of exhaustion from mental stress...

My kind thoughts with my care dear SleepyTinkerbell..

Grandy..

[Petal22]

Hi SleepyTinkerbell,

Im sorry you are experiencing this.

I believe that if you have a trust worthy boss who has their employees best interests at heart then I believe if you feel you want to open up to your boss about what you are going through then open up.

It may give them a better understanding of you and want to help you in any way they can.

When you are having the conversation you will feel in the moment how much to disclose by their reaction.

Wishing you all the best….. and hang in there…. You really are doing really well with what you are up against…… very resilient……..

[Learn to Fly]

Hi SleepyTinkerbell

I am so sorry to hear about what you have been going through. It’s your dream job, you had put so much effort to reach this point so it’s understandable that you are worried.

Talking to your bosses… I guess that would depend on how do you feel about it yourself? Meaning if you feel that you can trust them and get the support you need? Or maybe you are not sure and that’s ok too, cause at the end of the day nobody can fully predict another person’s reaction. I think that long term you will eventually have to tell them. Maybe just wait for the right moment when you feel comfortable.

[SleepyTinkerbell]

Thank you for your thoughts... it helps just to hear all of the potential options I have at the moment.

I think my workplace would be very understanding as my supervisor used to be a counsellor and she is a foster carer - so she is very understanding of trauma. I suppose my concerns is that everyone will treat me like I am covered in bubble wrap. I only turned 22 last month, so most of the time when I don't handle a situation perfectly, I feel that people (as in clients, or other stakeholders) assume I am young and dumb and ask to be taken off my caseload or to speak to my supervisor. I suppose what I am trying to say is that I am worried I will become more of a burden to my supervisor as she already provides me with so much help, support and compassion. I feel like I will have to make it up to my workplace years down the line when I am coping better and that is a lot of pressure.

Sorry for the rant haha. I appreciate your advice! I have spoken to my psychologist about this before and I think the flashbacks only occur at work since I am already struggling so much that it doesn't take much to tip me over into not coping again.

[SleepyTinkerbell]

Thanks for this advice! You are right in saying that I will be able to gauge how much is appropriate to share when having the discussion. I suppose, if they don't react well, that says more about them than me and also lets me know if I want to continue working for them (which I think I will haha).

[SleepyTinkerbell]

Thank you Learn to Fly! I think you are right in saying that I need to tell them. I guess I am falling victim to the whole "don't do anything until you find the perfect time". The longer I leave it, the more likely it is that I will make it harder for myself as I am going without the support that I need for longer.

I suppose I just don't know how to broach the conversation and what to say. Like obviously telling them every detail of every flashback I have ever had is unreasonable.

Anyway, I will work it out. Thank you! It means so much that everyone had a positive and supportive response to my question on here.

[Learn to Fly]

Hi SleepyTinkerbell,

There is no need to thank, as I think you have managed to work it out by yourself anyway. I think we only maybe reassured you a bit? You are strong, and everything that you told us proves how responsible and sensible you are. True virtues. Take care and if you feel like it, please let us know how the conversation went.

[SleepyTinkerbell]

Thank you Learn to Fly.

I spoke to my supervisor and explained that I feel like the treatment options that my GP gave me aren't working yet and that I'm also not sleeping well. She automatically asked what she can do and agreed to let me start work earlier since I am an early bird.

I still don't know if I was too vague tho about how much I am struggling. I thought telling her would make me feel less pressure, but if anything, I am struggling to cope even more. I don't feel as bad during work, but as soon as I get home, it hits me and I start balling my eyes out. When I'm not coping, my brain is very good at stepping in and making sure that I feel like everything is fine, but the repercussions of that is that I feel so much lower afterwards. So, basically, I go to work and feel like having a panic attack, but after an hour or so I feel fine, but then in the last hour or so of the work day I feel bad again and by the time I drive home, I'm usually so upset I am crying, or having a panic attack or feeling really angry at my partner and I don't know which exact event is triggering the emotion.

Basically, I want to stop working for an unspecified amount of time and still have a job to come back to, but I know that is a pretty unreasonable request to an employer. How do I know when it is getting too much that I need to take time off? I grew up in a family that burn themselves out with work a lot, so I have trouble knowing boundaries.

I don't know if any of this even makes sense or if anyone has anything to add. Maybe I just needed the rant?