PTSD / Anxiety / ADD

[Xenomorph]

Hello. I am 50 and always felt different. I was never like other people. My mother was abusive on every level: sexually, emotionally and physically.

thankfully she is dead

My first wife suffered from depression and took her own life in 2005 leaving me with two children 2 and 4. I raised them on my own

i met a new lady 4 years ago and we married. She kept telling me that there were some things that didn’t add up. So she arranged for me to have a brain scan

i found out that I have a 99.5% chance of major head trauma. Clearly pre memory. Also entire parts of my brain never developed and other parts of my brain are running at 6 times normal frequency to compensate.

The outcome is I have PTSD, anxiety (I knew about that one), ADD and borderline autism. I have been very successful with work but not my personal life.

I feel completely worthless right now. I am so ashamed I have left my home and sleeping in my car. I just can’t face people. I can’t stop crying. I am not suicidal but I just feel so lost and discarded.

Apparentky I don’t understand empathy and emotions which is a source of frustration for my current wife. I am questioning everything

I feel abandoned

[Summer Rose]

Hi Xenomorph

Welcome to bb and thank you for sharing your story, which really touched my heart.

You have certainly had more than your fair share of trauma and heartache to contend with. I'm sorry that life has been such a struggle for you.

It's scary for anyone to receive the kind of diagnosis you received. Your feelings of worthless and shame are understandable. I can remember feeling exactly the same way in a psychiatrist's office. All I wanted was for him to stop talking and for things to go back to the way they were. I get it.

I want you to know three things.

You are not worthless. You are a father, husband, work colleague and friend. People love and care for you and that is precious. You are a human being struggling like many others right here on this forum. You are not alone.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. You have health issues. Just like the person who leaves the doctor's office learning they have a heart condition, diabetes or chronic asthma. You are not to blame. There is no shame in being unwell.

There is always a way forward. With time, continued effort and the right help it will get better. You can improve your ability to understand emotions and empathy. You can heal and live your best life.

I trust that you were given the next steps to take, along with the diagnosis. I anticipate that this included a detailed mental health treatment plan.

I am hoping that you will give yourself time to accept the diagnosis and then start on your journey. One step at a time.

Please let us know how you getting on. You can post anytime.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.