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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Andrew87 G'day! I'm dealing with some childhood trauma, and don't know what to do next.
  • replies: 4

G'day, I'm currently trying to dismantle some childhood trauma. The depression from this if left unchecked, leaves me unwilling to get out of bed or eat. I finally addressed the fact that in my first year of primary school, I was sexually assaulted r... View more

G'day, I'm currently trying to dismantle some childhood trauma. The depression from this if left unchecked, leaves me unwilling to get out of bed or eat. I finally addressed the fact that in my first year of primary school, I was sexually assaulted repeatedly for several months by the kids in grade six when I'd go to the bathroom. There were five of them, and they ended up getting expelled for their little "game". Instead of therapy, my mum just taught me to be afraid of strangers, that attraction was sinful and shameful, and that women all want to take everything you have and leave. These days she also says the world is flat, and Mars doesn’t exist because NASA made it up. I love her, but she's left me with a bit of trouble to deal with. Over the past few years, I've built this helpful routine. Partly on what I found on the beyond blue website actually: 1. Daily gym 2. LOTS of home cooking 3. Talk to friends and family, and asking for help 4. Projects I can discuss and be proud of 5. Having lots of guests over, to stay social 6. Journal a few times a week After reading a book on cognitive behavioural therapy last year, I decided to acclimatise myself the intimate side of life. It's working, and I'm more confident and fluent in conversations. My painful awkwardness is vanishing, and I can make flirty jokes and use public restrooms without feeling afraid. But as my work is simple labour, my mind wanders, and I switch from happy hope, to blind rage to disdain and loathing and back to pride and gratitude for those I am close to. Work is a sort of blast furnace of self-reflection and my performance is suffering to the point where I am at risk of being let go. My family and friends have been mentioning I'm not myself too. I've been tampering with substance abuse, as I'm desperate to overcome this. Losing 25kg however, really helped me stop hating myself. I don't know what to do next.

Gembug67 Childhood trauma - trigger warning
  • replies: 4

The first clear memory I have of being molested is when I was 3 , I can still smell the tobacco and remeber the feelings of shame . My mother was / is a child molester............I learnt very quickly to be quiet. As I got older , around 12 /13 I onc... View more

The first clear memory I have of being molested is when I was 3 , I can still smell the tobacco and remeber the feelings of shame . My mother was / is a child molester............I learnt very quickly to be quiet. As I got older , around 12 /13 I once questioned what they were doing to us , begged to be left alone only to be told I wasn't being open to experiences and new ideas ........ this is only a small snippet of what happened to me .....I have managed to run and hide from the memories for many years until recently when I had a break down , flashbacks, memories have been kicked into high gear ...... sometimes I feel like screaming at someone , do you know what it's like to be 13 and sexually abused and not be able to do anything about it , to feel helpless and ashamed and dirty and to watch him walk away like the cat that swallowed the cream ......... to be small and invisible is all I wanted , still do when I am triggered now ...feel like I'm treading water wanting to get better not really knowing how questioning every reaction I have as to whether it's a "normal" response or if it's me overreacting I don't even know how to explain this I have made so many bad decisions because of how I am and mostly I want to hide from the world but then I also know that to be healthy I have to push past my fears and start to live not just survive .....but how ????

InvisibleMe Bad memories coming back 50 years later
  • replies: 1

I don't know what to do. I was sexually abused by a trusted neighbour when I was about 9 years old. I blocked it out of my mind. I told no-one. I was brought up in a strict catholic family and would not have dared tell my mother or father. I felt it ... View more

I don't know what to do. I was sexually abused by a trusted neighbour when I was about 9 years old. I blocked it out of my mind. I told no-one. I was brought up in a strict catholic family and would not have dared tell my mother or father. I felt it must have been my fault. I became socially withdrawn. My parents were so strict I might have had one date in high school. I married young. My first child died of SIDS. I tried to keep my marriage going, having another three children. We separated twice. When I was 36 weeks pregnant with my last child he told me he was leaving when the baby was born. I knew he was seeing someone but, like always, I kept it to myself. We divorced. I had a very difficult middle child who went to live with his father's new family when he was eight years old.He returned when he was 17. I have had major health problems including two malignant cancers and severe asthma. I was diagnosed with the chronic pain of fibromyalgia about 8 years ago. However I made it to the top of my chosen profession until I had to resign due to illness. I set about getting my health back and have gone from strong pain killers to now being pain free. I've lost over 30 kg. I'm working full-time again. However, with all the media attention on sexual abuse it has brought back these unpleasant memories from my childhood. I find myself thinking about it most nights now and the impact I think it has had on my life. I disclosed part of the abuse once to my mother about five years ago and all she said was 'your father would have killed him.' Nothing else. I've always been a survivor but these thoughts are making me very sad. I find myself crying, and I'm not one to cry. I live alone (apart from my beautiful animals). I have friends but I don't want to talk about this part of my life with them. I can't understand why, so many many years later, I'm feeling like this. I've said more here than I've ever told anyone.

Guest_029 Stress Relief
  • replies: 3

My understanding of stress is that your events that are major, maybe minor to someone else and vice versa. That it is unmeasurable, the cause of health risk factors, that it is under addressed and I'm white. A while ago I read an artical about the co... View more

My understanding of stress is that your events that are major, maybe minor to someone else and vice versa. That it is unmeasurable, the cause of health risk factors, that it is under addressed and I'm white. A while ago I read an artical about the connection between TM meditation and the Dreaming and it's time for a refresh.

Xenomorph PTSD / Anxiety / ADD
  • replies: 1

Hello. I am 50 and always felt different. I was never like other people. My mother was abusive on every level: sexually, emotionally and physically. thankfully she is dead My first wife suffered from depression and took her own life in 2005 leaving m... View more

Hello. I am 50 and always felt different. I was never like other people. My mother was abusive on every level: sexually, emotionally and physically. thankfully she is dead My first wife suffered from depression and took her own life in 2005 leaving me with two children 2 and 4. I raised them on my own i met a new lady 4 years ago and we married. She kept telling me that there were some things that didn’t add up. So she arranged for me to have a brain scan i found out that I have a 99.5% chance of major head trauma. Clearly pre memory. Also entire parts of my brain never developed and other parts of my brain are running at 6 times normal frequency to compensate. The outcome is I have PTSD, anxiety (I knew about that one), ADD and borderline autism. I have been very successful with work but not my personal life. I feel completely worthless right now. I am so ashamed I have left my home and sleeping in my car. I just can’t face people. I can’t stop crying. I am not suicidal but I just feel so lost and discarded. Apparentky I don’t understand empathy and emotions which is a source of frustration for my current wife. I am questioning everything I feel abandoned

Dilliga PTSD?
  • replies: 9

Hi, new here and overwhelmed. I have bitten the bullet and decided to see someone, PTSD from an event over a decade ago which has finally caught up. Self medicated for years and didn’t acknowledge there was a problem until I got the ultimatum form th... View more

Hi, new here and overwhelmed. I have bitten the bullet and decided to see someone, PTSD from an event over a decade ago which has finally caught up. Self medicated for years and didn’t acknowledge there was a problem until I got the ultimatum form the wife and kids. Any one else in the same boat?

Loulou57 Crumbling
  • replies: 2

So I don’t even know where to begin basically my life has been one messed up shit show.. because of a work related incident. I was employed by a fast food restaurant had been working there for just over 3 years I was really happy there then one night... View more

So I don’t even know where to begin basically my life has been one messed up shit show.. because of a work related incident. I was employed by a fast food restaurant had been working there for just over 3 years I was really happy there then one night on night shift we got robbed by an armed gang.. no one was hurt physically but mentally it’s taken it’s toll... I had counseling and returned to work 4 days after the incident had happened (too soon I know) all of the crew that were on that night but 3 left...I only stayed because at the time I was a mum of 2 and I say was because now I’m a mum of 3.. I have children to support I had to be working I didn’t have a choice I tried returning the 4th day and i was uncontrollably shaking and was beginning to have a panic attack so got my shift covered and this kept happening before, during and after a shift. I haven’t felt safe since the whole ordeal I check doors and windows literally multiple times before I got to bed and if I feel like I’ve missed one I’ll do it all over again..I look my car doors before I go anywhere I can’t help it. I am on depression medication currently and still struggling with the anxiety when anything is bought up about the incident. I’m still not feeling safe two years on as I haven’t really dealt with it yet I’ve had a lot of events happen those two years I left my husband, started from scratch literally hence why I stayed employed I tried looking for other jobs got interview but my anxiety ruined it for me as I know I wasn’t ok. So anyways I’m dealing with work cover now and I’m due to sit an assesment in the coming weeks to maybe be paid out and everytime it’s been bought up I really struggle. Financially it’s destroying me as I’m still not ok in myself to be working... I barely leave the house... I’ve lost myself, who I am as a person and I don’t know want to do career wise I was working towards managent before all this happened but that’s in the toilet. I feel like I’m failing my children I just want to feel better and be myself again...and financially be ok..

Kayla_K Workplace Bullying & PTSD
  • replies: 6

I was recently diagnosed with PTSD due to workplace bullying. Over the last 20 years, I have experienced a LOT to the point where I have had one minor nervous breakdown, borderline having a second and now living with anxiety due to my current manager... View more

I was recently diagnosed with PTSD due to workplace bullying. Over the last 20 years, I have experienced a LOT to the point where I have had one minor nervous breakdown, borderline having a second and now living with anxiety due to my current manager & an account manager. I know many will say 'get another job' but that isn't so easy when you're almost 50, have no formal qualifications & I can't sell myself as I no longer have any kind of faith in me. Every morning I sit in my car talking myself into just backing out the drive, then when get there, I have to talk myself out of the car. I know that I am getting to the stage where I need to go as my anxiety is now affecting me on the weekend. Just the thought of going to work makes my stomach churn and the nausea starts. My sleep is shattered most nights with work related dreams. I am already seeing a psychologist through work EAP but that is going to run out shortly & there is no end in sight. I am in a thankless job, spoken to like I am no more than dirt, paid poorly & I do the most work (work admits that there is too much for one person but will no do anything about it). Yes, I am looking for another job but it is going to take time. Yes, I have approached upper management about this & I have no idea what they are doing but it seems like nothing. I am doubting my abilities to the point where I am double and triple checking my work & even more. I make a mistake I will know about it & I will be berated from both the manager and account manager as to how any why I made the mistake, how disappointed they are in me, how peed off the client is, how much money it will cost us/the client etc etc. i am not the only person the manger does this to, but I have the manger and her lap dog at my heels every day. The woman who was in this role before me left after 3 weeks, I have manged to barely survive 10 months. I cry almost every day because I feel like I cannot do anything right. I feel stupid and useless & I am right back emotionally where I was when I was unemployed. I have little enjoyment anymore and the only thing that makes me smile is my little black furry terror of a dog. I want to stop crying but I feel like I am being beaten back down every day. It seems like this will be my 6th year in a row from hell where nothing goes right and the universe is throwing so much negativity at me that I am being crushed under the weight.

Bellarosa Spouse of PTSD sufferer
  • replies: 9

Hi. I'm new to this. Not sure where to start but I've recently separated from my husband who has been diagnosed with PTSD. I tried to support him and get him help but he has resisted. Finally the constant arguments increased to physical abuse and I l... View more

Hi. I'm new to this. Not sure where to start but I've recently separated from my husband who has been diagnosed with PTSD. I tried to support him and get him help but he has resisted. Finally the constant arguments increased to physical abuse and I left for my safety. I feel bad doing this but he also cheated on me and he doesn't understand why I left. I am now feeling extremely lonely and down. Friends have deserted me and my family try to support me. I really don't know what to do and if I did the right thing by leaving him. Worried I've made things worse.

lyracorvus Escaped from past trauma into new trauma...
  • replies: 1

I was kicked out in October, by a mother who's abused me for years. It was mostly psychological abuse with physical only being used as a last resort or a scare tactic when the psychological threats weren't enough. I was hit, cut, battered and bruised... View more

I was kicked out in October, by a mother who's abused me for years. It was mostly psychological abuse with physical only being used as a last resort or a scare tactic when the psychological threats weren't enough. I was hit, cut, battered and bruised, screamed at, isolated, controlled and faced frequent verbal abuse. I have been told that I was a "waste of space", "burden" and much more. My mother works a high-paying government job but frequently complained about me taking a financial toll. I lived in a rotting, decaying house while my mother lived it up in hotel rooms across the country, returning once a fortnight. My father has been out of the picture for many years and is an ice addict, and I once experienced trauma at the hands of his ex-girlfriend, who would lock me in a room for days at a time and force me to eat out of the rubbish. Naturally, I have some pretty big mental health issues associated with this. I'm currently living with the old family-friends I had previously been barred from seeing. However, this living situation is proving itself to be just as inadequate. One of the people I'm living with has chronic pain and thus is extremely temperamental. I am frequently being screamed at about things that have nothing to do with me, or things that are my fault but caused by trauma, and have unfortunately taken on the role of being the household's scapegoat. As someone with C-PTSD, and extremely sensitive fight/flight/freeze responses, this has been pushing me over the edge. My hyper-vigilance is through the roof as I live in the lounge room on a sofa bed. Every sound sends my heart racing and I still flinch when I hear doors open and close. I'm alternating between feeling the need to run away and the need to scream. My sleep is still shitty- it's about three hours of nightmare-plagued hell. How can I tell my body that it's safe, and that it can calm down, when it's not safe? Not entirely, anyway? I don't know what to do, or where to go. I'm in Year 12 and I don't want to change schools... I don't have the means to support myself financially and I'm sick of burdening others. I can't get Centrelink because my mother refused to sign the forms the last time I spoke with her (which was months ago) and if I submit it without her knowledge, I'm scared of what she'll do to me. And I am NOT going to the police. Advice on how to deal with this?

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