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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Tia82 Potential PTSD - own daughter a trigger
  • replies: 3

Hi, first post so here goes. I've never really spoken to a professional about the following. All of my sessions have focused on my Bipolar and my daughters ADHD etc. However, my daughters now 10, starting puberty and more and more I'm reflecting/ thi... View more

Hi, first post so here goes. I've never really spoken to a professional about the following. All of my sessions have focused on my Bipolar and my daughters ADHD etc. However, my daughters now 10, starting puberty and more and more I'm reflecting/ thinking about my childhood closer to that age. When I was about 12yrs old starting high school I made a new best friend. Her mum was quite young (had her at 16) worked nights/ weekends as a cleaner, and so me and my friend spent most of the time with mums boyfriend. He was a heavily tattooed biker gang type. When I was 13 he brought us alcohol and gave us pot for New Years Eve. Now for the triggering stuff... The first night I slept over I got up in the night for the bathroom and he was walking around naked. I was shocked and went back to bed but never told my parents. Things then escalated over nearly 2 years. I'm sure my friend had been sexually abused by him since he'd been in her life (from 8yrs). That New Years I mentioned - I blacked out big sections (think it's ok) but woke to find her in skimpy pjs cuddling him on his bed. I only mentioned any of this to my dad in my mid 20s when I was supporting my sister explaining an abuse by an uncle. For many years this impacted on sexual activities I wouldn't do etc. I received a friend's request a few years ago from the girl and I declined, it spooked me and I couldn't face the conversation. I've always felt guilty about not going to the police. Another friend mentioned later that lots of kids knew what was happening... Now my daughter is nearing this same age and it's making me think more and more about it. Who knows what her friends are like. Is it possible to have PTSD from witnessing something like this, and for it to rear up so long after? I'm thinking this is something I need to bring up with my psych and possibly see a psychologist about? Thanks in advance.

Compassion12 Covert Narcassist Psychopath Abuse
  • replies: 5

Hello all, After 4 weeks of no contact with my partner of 20 years, reality has hit me with why life with him was sucking my life, literally. Anyone who has recovered from narcasstic or other dark triad personality disordered partners, please reach o... View more

Hello all, After 4 weeks of no contact with my partner of 20 years, reality has hit me with why life with him was sucking my life, literally. Anyone who has recovered from narcasstic or other dark triad personality disordered partners, please reach out. The master manipulator, as I am told my professionals, is a covert narcasstic psychopath, as he lacks empathy, remorse and even denies strangling me, which is when experts forced me out. Since then I learn about emotional, psychological abuse, cycle of violence, power and control, DV, and about the disorders. All while seeking a place to be safe. Currently no support around me and I know it's not me, rather him, as he projects himself onto me to others, saying I am abusive and the victim depressed play. Still, I am isolated and deprived and reach out in hope of anyone being compassionate and empathic to just be a friend. It is not healthy to be isolated, just like having someone you thought you loved trauma bond you and intentionally enjoy hurting in hope to gain control. I only loved and trusted but no fool after being awakened yo the truth. I know I grieve, loss and trauma recover. However, to reach out is healthy, since despite my proactive resourceful nature, everything else I tried has not succeeded. Like to connect honestly, learning the red flags of such energy emotional vampires now, as honesty builds trust and I have little energy to be anyone other than me. Thank you for your time and reaching out. Balancing my healing with energy cost to meet new people I don't have energy to engage with without such truth. Sad reality is many will not real talk, rather superficial, which is what costs energy. Catch 22! Take care

Alex18 Help am I depressed or over sensitive? (Trigger Warning - Sexual Abuse)
  • replies: 5

Hi I’m in uni at the moment and have always felt this huge immense pressure since highschool to do well and knowing that I am an average student at best no matter what I do has thrown me into a depressive state for years. I’ve lost enjoyment in every... View more

Hi I’m in uni at the moment and have always felt this huge immense pressure since highschool to do well and knowing that I am an average student at best no matter what I do has thrown me into a depressive state for years. I’ve lost enjoyment in everything I used to love. I think about suicide a lot but would never do it. I’ve been sexually assaulted multiple times but never fully raped. However I get extremely emotional about it even though it happened years ago. Every night before bed I think of scenarios in which I’m raped or assaulted. I get these feelings of immense sadness and feel worthless but immediately I say I am extremely privileged my parents are paying for my uni I’ve never been raped I have no reason to feel this way. I don’t even cry anymore I just lay down for entire days because the way I feel stops me from doing anything. Idk if it’s depression or anxiety- I don’t consider my self an anxious person and when I’m out with people you would think the opposite of depression but when I’m alone thinking of who I am I feel nothing but hate. Is there a certain type of depression this may be? I’m wondering specifically why every night I think of those scenarios when I’m raped except when I do I don’t feel any feelings of fear, just normality. This was super brief and rush but the general idea is there. What should I do?Any help would be appreciated thankyou

Belsin Boyfriend with PTSD in complete shutdown
  • replies: 2

Hi, I’ve spent the last 10 days reading blogs and posts from other people dating people with PTSD. For the last 3 months, I’ve been dating a guy and things have been amazing…. It’s the first relationship in a long time that I’ve felt completely compa... View more

Hi, I’ve spent the last 10 days reading blogs and posts from other people dating people with PTSD. For the last 3 months, I’ve been dating a guy and things have been amazing…. It’s the first relationship in a long time that I’ve felt completely compatible with someone. Throughout that 3 months he’s fed me snippets on his mental health and that he suffers frim PTSD after being in the police force for 26 years. 10 days ago, out of nowhere he said he was struggling with himself and is unable to care for anyone else at the same time. I asked him then and there what he would like me to do, stay or walk away with his response being he didn’t know and that he just needed time. After reading some forums, I sent a text every couple of days checking in and letting him know I’m here for him when he’s ready and I would get a text back, the texts began to get smaller and now I’m not getting any response whatsoever. I feel so helpless, which by the sounds of things is pretty normal…. But what I’m struggling to work out is if this is his way out or he just needs more time and how much time am I supposed to sit helpless for? Thanks for reading!

Bron_hendry Domestic violence
  • replies: 2

am a victim of domestic violence and have 6 children. I have been dealing with the family court, civil court and wapol. For the last 2.5 years. My ex husband severely abused the children and myself for 16 years. We have battled with the court system ... View more

am a victim of domestic violence and have 6 children. I have been dealing with the family court, civil court and wapol. For the last 2.5 years. My ex husband severely abused the children and myself for 16 years. We have battled with the court system and police with limited understanding and the inability to cross reference documents across all three services. We are currently protected by a fvro over the children and myself, and the children are attending counselling. However the process of dealing with civil, family and criminal matters has been extraordinarily difficult and impossible to navigate with excess court dates. I have a new job, and support all 6 children as my ex husband is choosing to remain unemployed into settlement. The police have been less then empathetic and obviously have limited to no training in complex and severe DV which involves financial, psychological, physical and continued stalking and behaviours that have been highlighted in family court. However the police have deterred us from pursuing assault, or any other family violence charges. Including my eldest son to whom is now 19 at the time 16. From pressing assault charges by the local police . We have a DCP risk assessment that places myself and the children at high risk from the father. We have expert witness reports (forensic psychologist). When provided to the police to prove intent for stalking and intimidation, the police refused to view them to build a case for further charges. We complained to the ccc. To whom have now responded telling me that I will have the police review the documents and potentially change there decision not to charge him. However I don’t feel confident that they will revise their decisions, and we are simply being followed up because of the complaint. The language of the police officers has been as such. Why didn’t you call us when it was happening, why didn’t you present to Ed more often, why didn’t you leave him. Yet disregarded all evidence produced in family court in his admittance to stopping me from leaving or calling the police. His ability to continue control is unrelenting and the fear is real.

Showmehope Can someone explain my lost sense of self.
  • replies: 5

Hi I’m just wondering if anyone can relate to this symptom and help me figure out how to stop it. It’s really difficult to explain but I’ll do my best at making points. I sometimes feel like my mind is moving onto my shoulder. I fell calm and empty t... View more

Hi I’m just wondering if anyone can relate to this symptom and help me figure out how to stop it. It’s really difficult to explain but I’ll do my best at making points. I sometimes feel like my mind is moving onto my shoulder. I fell calm and empty then it turns into a sort of dread feeling but I don’t seem phased by the dread. I get dizzy spells. Its like when I talk I’m listening and it’s someone else talking. during a conversation I’ll sudde realise that I’m not listening but don’t know where my head was. my memory is shocking and I suddenly realise I can only remember snippets of an entire week but sometimes nothing. people will talk to me but I don’t or can’t process what they are saying. i feel like I’m not me. like autopilot I poured boiling water on my hand and didn’t flinch or feel it - accident my vision is blurry and I feel stupid. Unable to concentrate or access my brain. I don’t feel depressed or anxious or anything really just numb. thanks

Boca Can’t control my anger
  • replies: 1

More and more, I’m seeing myself losing control in anger. Saying nasty things, yelling, unable to calm myself down. I can’t let go of things - I can think about something that happened when I was a kid (20 years ago) and feel painful anger as if it h... View more

More and more, I’m seeing myself losing control in anger. Saying nasty things, yelling, unable to calm myself down. I can’t let go of things - I can think about something that happened when I was a kid (20 years ago) and feel painful anger as if it happened five minutes ago. This week I haven’t felt happy - just angry. I have been picking fights with my boyfriend over tiny or ancient things. Our relationship has not been stable for a long time and there are times that I wonder whether some of his behaviour is emotionally/psychologically abusive. I’m not trying to excuse my behaviour - I’m including this just to give context. He insults me a lot, talks over me, puts words in my mouth, dismisses me. But when I think about us breaking up, I become extremely distressed. I don’t get it! I know I could be happier than I am but I feel panicked and distressed when he says he’s leaving. I’m in my mid-30’s - this isn’t how I pictured my myself or my life! I think I give as good as I get with him and was told by his mother earlier this year that my behaviour “shocked” her. She said I’m incredibly needy, self centered and attention seeking. She saw him yell at me and said I pushed him to that point of anger. That doesn’t feel right - that I’m responsible for his behaviour - but maybe I’m letting myself off too easily? My behaviour can be terrible and there are so many things I regret. Angry accusations said in front of his kids. She told him and she has barely spoken to me since. That’s fair enough. I’m not sure what to do to repair the relationships with his family... he says they’re all over it by now but I can’t let it go. How could I? I’m mortified by my own behaviour. And even that hasn’t stopped me. I keep losing my temper and behaving terribly. Little things just seem to hurt so much and I don’t know how to let things go I lost my temper with my sister this week when I felt that she was unfairly attacking me. I apologised the next day but I sensed that some permanent damage has been done. For more context, for 6 years I’ve have anxiety and agoraphobia, triggered by trauma. I don’t want to be like this and I don’t know how to repair the damage I’ve caused to relationships. I’ve been given a lot of chances and keep blowing them. Please help. I wish I could rewind a lot of my life and do it again. How do I go forward after all this terrible behaviour?

ImNotSure1 Recovering from an abusive religious cult
  • replies: 12

So this may be a strange issue, but I've felt like putting it into words in a place where I can get some advice maybe. My family and I have left a spiritually abusive church, which had all the signs of a cult. It's kind of difficult to describe, beca... View more

So this may be a strange issue, but I've felt like putting it into words in a place where I can get some advice maybe. My family and I have left a spiritually abusive church, which had all the signs of a cult. It's kind of difficult to describe, because it's a very under reported thing, and I don't want to get all religious on you, but it left us with some pretty bad issues. It's not due to any one event, but rather a culmination of lots of little things over the years that slowly crushed us. When we left, we felt like we were literally fleeing. We lived in this isolated bubble for almost 15 years, with no real contact with any other people except for normal day-to-day happenings at the shops, etc. That was basically it. We lived together, we homeschooled and we all worked in this "family" run business. I won't even get started on the illegal practices that went on there. All of my friends except for one, who lives interstate, were in that church, and now they are gone. They have nothing to do with us, like they don't even acknowledge us as we pass them in the shopping centre, even though we spent our lives with them. I never learnt how to make friends because there weren't any friends to make. No one came, and the people that did leave we were told to shun. Now I literally feel like an alien from another planet. I'm in this position where churches or anything remotely related to God are terrifying places for me. The symptoms are basically PTSD. To compound that, I've lost all of my friends. My closest friend lives interstate, and I'm pretty close with my sisters, but that's it. I am too scared to make any because not only am I hugely introverted, but this whole thing has left me with what must be social anxiety. Because I had to work in the aforementioned business from a young age, like 14, I was forced to grow up really quickly and now I don't relate to people my age at all because we have nothing in common. I haven't done anything they have or experienced anything "normal" teenagers would have. I don't meet new people or form deeper relationships because I feel to scared to have to confront these issues or risk being invited to church or youth or whatever and have to turn them down. I know it will get better with time, but right now I'm in a very ugly place. I don't normally post stuff like this, but I just felt like it might help. Hopefully there's someone out there who can relate or share their own similar experiences.

BeebeeG Recently diagnosed with PTSD
  • replies: 1

Hi there, I'm new to the forums so hello! I was diagnosed with PTSD about a month ago and things are hard. I don't feel any better now that there is a label on it but I'm recovering. I went looking for help just before I was diagnosed so I'm also new... View more

Hi there, I'm new to the forums so hello! I was diagnosed with PTSD about a month ago and things are hard. I don't feel any better now that there is a label on it but I'm recovering. I went looking for help just before I was diagnosed so I'm also new to therapy. I spoke to my friends briefly about seeing a therapist and being diagnosed but I don't think they understand what PTSD is and what it means to know somebody with PTSD. When I first told them, I got the response from one of them "Oh what from?" and it really made me uncomfortable. Should I have to justify my illness? I feel like they see it as invalid unless I tell them about my trauma.

Tres Lost and depressed.
  • replies: 6

Hi there, never done this before so please bear with me. i have battled depression ever since I was 13 (I’m 22) when my parents marriage blew up. When I was 18 I was diagnosed with anxiety. When I was 20 I fell in love with a man I’ve been with for a... View more

Hi there, never done this before so please bear with me. i have battled depression ever since I was 13 (I’m 22) when my parents marriage blew up. When I was 18 I was diagnosed with anxiety. When I was 20 I fell in love with a man I’ve been with for almost 3 years and over all just became generally happier in all aspects. I should mention that I began a Nursing degree at the university back in 2014. And through many ups and downs I am still completeing it to this date. Nursing was something that I fell in love with when I first visited the uni, I was instantly drawn to it and once I began the degree I had a burning passion for it day in and day out. I loved every placement I went on, even when it was stressful and overwhelming I still felt so passionate about knowing it was exactly what I was meant to be doing in life. Last year before Christmas I was raped. A man assaulted me in my own bed and I’ve never been the same. My family knows & have all been very supportive. My roommate/best friend knows, the only person who doesn’t know is my partner. I have my reasons for not telling him and it’s not something I wish to discuss at this time. Since going back to uni to complete my final semester, I have felt lost. I don’t feel the happiness I used to feel about nursing. When I went to my final placement, I experienced heavy anxiety, panic attacks and fainting spells. I explained my situation to the head of the department, she was very nice and supporting and she told me to try come back in a months time and repeat the placement. So I gratefully did. My first day back my anxiety was so high & my brain was a foggy mess. My facilitator sat me down and asked me if felt ready to become a nurse at the end of the year and I broke down. I had been feeling so lost and disconnected for so many months but it was the first time someone had asked me that. I have a lot of pressure from my dad to finish uni. Being that I was merely a couple of months away from finally finishing i know he is not gonna react nicely when I tell him I’m gonna repeat it next year and therefore won’t be graduating til next year. I’m terrified to tell my dad. I shouldn’t be, I’m 22 and it’s up to me what I do. But I am terrified. I also feel very depressed. I feel like I’ve lost who I am, I feel like I’m also a failure and a disappointment.