I experienced complex trauma, finding help was very difficult

[Dee_is_here]

A year ish ago I found help in the most unlikely place Next step. A counselor listened to my story and took action. With a few calls and inquiries she directed me towards the right support. For 2 years I searched for help, I was a mess and didn't know what I needed, and how to get it, all I knew is that my two children needed me. I have experienced complex trauma, and it manifested into disassociation, poor concentration, intrusive thoughts, anxiety, memory loss, etc.

I am a work in progress and my focus atm is healing my mind body and soul.

Schema therapy is working for me, but the type of therapist makes a difference. I just started doing new things like open heart meditation; eating and drinking healthy. Sometimes I struggle making positive choices; but I feel good when I do. There is no cure all because every one is different. Keep searching for what works for you because tomorrow is a new day, even if its a simple google search for happy cats and it puts a smile on your face for the day.

Intrusive thoughts are horrible, so many simple things are triggers and my brain cycles on repeat. Sometimes my negative thoughts come out in word, I notice it mostly in my texts so I pause delete it and think of something positive to text. Sometimes this takes a lot of effort but I try.

The most difficult is my network, I don't have one. Identifying toxic people is not my forte. I was once asked to give an example of an average healthy human adult; but honestly i don't know and google doesn't know either because I searched for hours. Since 2014 I have struggled with leaving the house but I now I feel lonely and bored. Being around other people and having a connection with someone is so rewarding and I miss it. That's what brought me to this thread tonight, its hard to find individuals that can relate to the impact of trauma and recovery.

Thank you for reading

[geoff]

Hello Dee, and a warm welcome to the site.

I feel sorry for you having to face a complex trauma and certainly know myself what sort of experience prevails for the future.

Therapy with the right person can do wonders and is highly recommended because it will allow you to tackle your problems, teach you how to know what may trigger an episode and perhaps guide you in another direction to keep you safe.

Everybody has to work at their own pace.

Intrusive thoughts are unwelcome involuntary thoughts that we suddenly have to face, they're not pleasant and can become an obsession, mainly generated by anxiety and have been discussed many times on this site with people suffering from OCD.

Google can't tell you what an average person who suits your own personality is like, but it can give you a person with the average height, weight and what are classified as a normal person, but we have to question what is normal and we all have different opinions.

Having a support network is very important for our recovery and on this site you have joined many people who have also struggled with their own type of depression but have come together to help one another and those who post a new comment, that's why you are welcomed.

Best Wishes.

Geoff.

[Christopher_T]

Hi Dee,

Well, know that you are not alone in those areas. Been there, done that. 🙂

Intrusive thoughts:
When I was at rock bottom a few times over the last few years, I became obsessed with the behaviours and actions of the people that caused/triggered my trauma events. It just would not leave me. Through my trauma therapist and now with a healthy support infrastructure around me, the intrusive thoughts have significantly dissipated.

Identifying Toxic People:
That is a challenging one. However, after much experience, I have a filtering technique I use to identify topic people + relationships;

- Do you dread seeing them?
- Do you feel drained after being with them?
- Do you get angry, sad or depressed when you are around them?
- Do they cause you to gossip or be mean?
- Do they try to bring you down?
- Do they put you down?
- Do they lack empathy?
- Do they gaslight you?

Loneliness + Friendships:
After my breakdown when I was 43, over the years, I began to identify the people that did not support me, when needed and also those that kept pointing the finger. So I ended up distancing myself from what I thought were close (long-term) friendships. I grieved a lot over this, and no longer knew who I could trust or rely on. It is awful for any person to feel like that, as it is isolating.

The good news though 🙂 I made a pact with myself late last year when I returned permanently to Victoria, to reconnect with the people that have always cheered from the sidelines, and to ensure any new friends and relationships that they are to be mutually rewarding, healthy and reciprocally supportive.

This practice has monumentally changed my view of people to a much more positive one.

The key to healthy recovery or management (there are many) is;

- Get an excellent trauma-informed therapist (found mine, she is brilliant)
- Plan out how you want to live your life (it can be hard, as it was challenging for me)
- reach out to those that you know + admire
- share your story on supportive platforms/forums
- engage with the correct identified treatments and therapies

I hope this has helped you in some way.

All the best to you beautiful. Stay strong.

[Pleh]

Very true, apt and of assistance

[PamelaR]

Welcome to Beyond Blue Pleh

I see you've found Christopher.T's post is of assistance. It's good to see you hear. You'll find the community is caring, supportive, friendly and non judgemental.

If you feel like it, you can share your story. Perhaps starting your own thread. There is no pressure though for you to do so. Keep reading. That is also good for the soul.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Zazagypsy]

HI Dee Im here, this is my first post on this site and on any forum. Everything you say rings true for me too. I joined this site as I'm trying to find a therapist who can ACTUALLY be helpful. I have been searching for years. I might place up my own thread and see if someone out there can assist. its a work in progress and I'm afraid it is until the day we leave our body.

the point that was on the money for me that you said was, relationships , how hard they are to be in for someones with Complex trauma, and the thing I also miss the most. as I get older I honestly feel that I clearly don't know how to 'be' with others.I can only keep on making choices aligned with my highest good.

[Ayisha]

Hi Zazagypsy

Don't give up on your search. I spent almost 50 years looking for someone that could ACTUALLY help me and then schazam my current psychiatrist appeared and I have been seeing him for some 8 years. He is my rock. I trust him greatly. His advice and therapy sessions have held me in such good stead.

Never give up.

Cheers Ayisha