Dear Balinor~
No job is worth your life
Your GM sounds callous and displays massive ignorance. True you have had medical assistance, it may even have done some good, however while the source of the problem exists -the job, not you-your condition can continue
I can understand your feeling trapped. You think there is no way out, partly becuse of the symptoms and way you react to things, partly becuse of the workplace, partly money - I could go on. It seems insoluble.
I understand becuse I was a policeman, had a career, married with family, responsibilities, no outside skills and I too suffered from PTSD, bouts of depression and anxiety. Symptoms similar. The job was the cause and like you I believed I was stuck with it, also that basically it was a weakness in me. I did not understand illness
Why do I talk of my experiences? Because I made the mistake of hanging on until I simply could not work any more. Then I was invalided out, suicidal and told I'd not work again. Things had been made much worse by staying in the environment that was causing me the illness for far too long. It made my conditon very hard to treat
That's all the bad news
Treatment, after many years, continues but today I'm in a much better place, have a pretty good life in fact, with occupation, love, support and satisfaction. Time, medication, therapy and personal support have changed things right around
I'd believed it was failings in me, it was in fact the job, I believed I'd not work again, I was wrong, I believed my symptoms would never change, they have. I did not believe I'd want to or be capable of a realtionship -or that anyone would want me, I was wrong there too. I tried to kill myself, I'm now glad I'm alive.
There is more to you than you might believe. It can be masked at the moment but underneath you are as capable a person as when you first joined the service. Like me you need outside help to get back to near there, you can
I have no idea what your prospects are to be moved within the Correctional Service, or how you would survive financially if you ceased work there, however please bear in mind there are more opportunities in the world than you currently believe
After a long period at home I studied, and despite all did well, became an educator as a result. Something I'd never ever considered
I'm sure this all sounds too good and pretty unrealistic to you at the moment, I would have to say I would have thought that too at the time
May I suggest we keep talking?
Croix
