PTSD and grief. How do people manage?

Slipperyfish · ‎05-01-2020

The Christmas/new year period has always been particularly hard for me. I always feel like everyone gets on social media and tells everyone how wonderful their year was and how excited they are for the new year and all the great things it has to offer. It’s for this very reason that I’ve been off social media for the past 2.5 years.
For the past 10 years I have struggled with anxiety and have really tried to figure where I fit in in life. But 2019 has by far been the worst year yet. I was sexually assaulted which resulted in pregnancy. I accepted the pregnancy and decided that I would tackle this situation head on. I have always dreamt of becoming a mother and this horrible situation was allowing me this chance. Not long after I discovered I was carrying twins. Again I thought to myself I am truly blessed because even though something terrible and unimaginable had happened this was my silver lining and like was looking up. At 13 weeks I learnt that my babies were not meant to be and I continued to remind myself that I would be ok and things would get better.
For the rest of the year I have continued to fight and try and figure out where I belong. My PTSD is out of control. I get around 3 hours sleep a night if I’m lucky. Everyday life is draining and I’m trying my best to stay a float. A random smell or a image from the past sends me into complete meltdown mode. I just cry all the time. My chest feels like it’s being squished and my skin crawls with a tingling and painful feeling. And once I’m in this state it takes forever to calm back down. How do people cope? How do you stop yourself from getting into this state? 2019 really really kicked my butt. I need 2020 to be my year. I need to still find the good in the world.
Coming up on Jan 17th it will be 12 months since the assault. I really hope that someday I will see how all these situations have helped me to become strong and to fight each and everyday. Because all I can see right now is my world crashing down around me. 2019 was a great year for some I’m sure, but for me 2019 tried to kill me, emotionally and physically. So 2020 had better be a winner because I know I can’t have another year like last year. I barely survived and I’m not sure I could survive all that again.

white knight · ‎05-01-2020

Hi, welcome

I'm quite proud of you for writing in actually. I cannot conceive what you have endured last year at all except in general terms of pulling yourself out of a really low struggle.

So I wont bore you with my suicide attempt and marriage breakdown with two young kids in 1996. Except to say I ended up in a garage as my house on a newly purchased block of land. I then looked in the mirror one day about 2 months later and said to myself "you are a good man Tony, you deserve love and to give love, you will overcome this and look back one day with pride...and that started that as a daily ritual. 12 months later I'd finished building my own home, had my kids over for the weekend and it was the best weekend of my life.

What I also learned form that experience was

Time heals and things do get better
Your bad years make you stronger
You can boost your own confidence
You might not do it alone, friends and professional guidance is recommended
You are wonderful and deserve all the benefits of positive thinking
Life can throw situations at any of us, you are not alone

2020 will be a better year, it is logical to think that way as 2019 was a one off, a really bad one for you. So believe that.

I think relaxation could be a benefit also. Here is a few sites you can google

Beyondblue topic the best praise you'll ever get

Beyondblue topic anxiety, how I eliminated it

Youtube prem rawat maharaji sunset

Youtube prem rawat maharaji the perfect instrument

I hope that helps

Repost anytime

TonyWK

BestSelf · ‎06-01-2020

Hi there,

It sure is tough. Not just getting over your assault. but the associated challenges with your pregnancy. I have faced the challenge (through military combat) of losing my loved ones. And faced a different type of assault. One that small sounds, smells and even sunlight (as certain angles) produces a flood of memories and emotions. Many challenging to manage.

I so honour you for taking a huge step already. And that is in the initial moments dealing with it as "it is what it is". However, what I have learned is one of the most important steps for me - was understanding I cannot change the past. But I can change the meaning I give to the incidents of the past.

Will you ever get completely 'over' your grief? Probably not - and why should you? Why would you feel the need to bury that pain completely. Often society advocates us to "push through."

That said - living with and giving energy to your pain - will only create more.

You are above ground. With a beautiful life to live. it's now up to you to CHOOSE how you wish to show up in this thing called life.

You got this. One step and a time.

Slipperyfish · ‎07-01-2020

Thank you both for the encouragement. I’m just trying to take each day as it comes. One step at a time. But I figure I’ve survived so far, I must have strength hidden inside me somewhere!