PTSD after sexual assault

mj_danvers · ‎28-03-2019

I don’t really remember much of the details anymore. I was sexually assaulted by my step father. It took me awhile to come out and tell people but when I finally had told my mother she told me I was wrong and that I was imagining things. She also told me not to tell anyone. And I didn’t for a long time. But when I thought that he was going to jail, I told my father. I was terrified. Anyway the point is that this experience has made me terrified for any kind of new relationships. I’m not really comfortable around males only my father and brothers. Because of this I cant sleep very well, I don’t do well with any forms of communication with people except family and friends that I knew before it happened. People can barely be around me because I can get upset and angry for no reason. Sometimes I just blast music through my earphones and ignore everyone because I just deal with people and the voices that tell me it’s my fault. The only people who believed me was my father and my two best friends. I don’t know what to do. Any where and everywhere I walk I am haunted my his memory, I just can’t get it out of my head. I honestly think that there is something wrong with me. I haven’t spoken to my mother in over year because she would rather me with him than her own daughter. I think everything is my fault because if I didn’t tell anyone I would still have my mother, baby brother and sister with me.

Nurse_Jenn · ‎02-04-2019

Hi mj_danvers,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forum. It is great to see you reaching out here for support. I am sorry that you are here under such difficult circumstances. You are not alone and there is support out there just for you. You have already disclosed the assault to your family, and now to the forum. The next step would be to reach out to your GP and gain a referral to see a paychologist who can guide you towards healing and recovery. Doing this level of healing without support is really difficult and I wouldn’t recommend you do it alone.

By going to your GP, you are engaging the beginning of a health journey. Sometimes it can be really hard to get to a GP appointment and if this is the case, take a friend with you for support even if they just get you to the front door. Another strategy could be contact a support line prior to attending so you have some strategies prior going to your GP. Some support lines you can use include the Beyond Blue support line on 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline on 13 11 14

I would encourage you to use these numbers anytime as I t can take a bit of waiting to get into to see a psychologist. Have you seen a counsellor or psychologist in the past? If so what was your experience?

Untangling all the emotions and feelings from a past assault is a process that can take some time but it can be achieved. You have already bravely disclosed to your family and now to the forum. I understand that you did not receive a positive response from your family at this time but this should not stop you from working on your own self esteem and process the events so you are no longer suffering.

Having instense feelings or hearing a voice can be the result of stress and by processing the stress with a professional, your symptoms will very likely subside. How long do you think it will take for you to make an appointment with your GP?

If you are struggling today reach out to the support line and talk with someone even if you don’t discuss the past, you could just try and talk through some of your other symptoms.

There is help waiting for you in many different places and though it can be a struggle to access support when your feeling down or stressed, it will be worth it. Be kind on yourself. You have experienced a trauma that you have yet to heal from. Your symptoms are common to a traumatic event and you can recover.

Please continue to post on the forum and update us to how you are going.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn

IreneM · ‎03-04-2019

HI mj_danvers

You are certainly not alone, and you do matter to many of us. When sexual assault happened to me, also by a distant family member, my family did not believe me either. So I have had to move on from them and now after doing the things that Nurse Jenn has suggested, I am beginning to have a new family. People who care.

Just remember that time is the healer. Your GP and Psychotherapist will help you. It is awful at first letting it all go, after that you can separate yourself from what has happened to you and start to take control. Being told that I had PTSD was like a sigh of relief to at least know what was wrong with me. I couldn't even think for myself when the hurt just hit me like a lead balloon to the point where I couldn't cope anymore. I am sure that you are currently going through a similar stage.

But reach out to your GP and ask for a Mental Health Plan. It will be worth the trouble, your therapist will help you to help yourself. Whilst waiting for your professional appointments why don't you check out the LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF link below? Some great resources to keep you going.

Do you also have some sort of activity or interest that you can engage in as you feel up to it? It will be worth the trouble to create a new life that cares for you personally. You can also check the Staying Well section also on this forum to tell you what different ones do that works for them and you can then experiment and find the little things that make a big difference for you.

Take care.

Irene.

Nothappyuni · ‎03-04-2019

Good for you for saying something now, it is never too late. The first step is often the hardest.

My wife was sexually assaulted both by a family friend and a male friend she thought she could trust. When we were married, she told me what had happened, and then forbid me to ever mention it again. 22 years together, 25 years since the incidents, and she has never moved on, never forgiven herself. I'm a guy and it brings me to tears, what does the victim have to be forgiven for? Forgive yourself.

Good for you mj_danver! You inspire.