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PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Lumlo Just so tired
  • replies: 11

Hello, I am constantly exhausted. Its so unusual for me been resting eating well taking a multivitamin but still have a struggle to get out of bed at all. Been told I may have burn out. As well as Ptsd, depression and Anxiety. Seeing my Gp Monday hop... View more

Hello, I am constantly exhausted. Its so unusual for me been resting eating well taking a multivitamin but still have a struggle to get out of bed at all. Been told I may have burn out. As well as Ptsd, depression and Anxiety. Seeing my Gp Monday hope hes got an idea. Any suggestions be appreciated as this has been ongoing for quite a while now. Trying music to get more energy next. Lumlo

Freedom_seeker Help with parenting 4 year old who triggers me
  • replies: 5

Hi, first time poster so go easy on me! Long story really. I was raped as a young child by my father, i have a couple of broken memories but those memories suggest theres more i dont remember, nor do i wish to remember. I am diagnosed bipolar but i t... View more

Hi, first time poster so go easy on me! Long story really. I was raped as a young child by my father, i have a couple of broken memories but those memories suggest theres more i dont remember, nor do i wish to remember. I am diagnosed bipolar but i think i actually have complex ptsd. When my daughter was born it was incredibly difficult. I couldnt stand her crying. I would carry on at her if she woke in the night for feeding. I felt guilty changing her nappy and putting on rash cream - like really wrong. Lately she has been doing this high pitched scream everytime she is told no or its bedtime or whatever. I cant stand it anymore. It gives me strong feelings of anger and urges though i dont act on these feelings its incredibly difficult to deal with. She does it everywhere. At home, at church, at the shops. I think the only place she doesnt is at kindy!! I also find myself dissociating a bit when shes home. I find it incredibly difficult to play and be silly. We have lots of cuddles and stories. She is a well loved child. But when it comes to playing i cant do it, i feel frustrated and it never lasts long. And lots of guilt that i dont give her enough attention. i also am a bit hypervigilant i suppose you would call it. Im always sussing people out and looking for signs someone might be a peadofile. I suppose really im just looking for advice on how to cope. She just screamed at me because i wont let her have icecream for lunch. The noise is so piercing i cant take it anymore. She is fussy with food, wastes and asks for something 5 mins later, refuses to clean up unless i basically do it for her and is downright defiant at times. This all triggers my inner rage and hopeless feeling. Has anyone successfully parented with trauma? The advice i find online is to ignore it. Ignore the screams, the tantrums, the kicking and hitting. But i CANT. Even if i dont dicipline her she still gets a response. She can see it affects me because i cant control it. So she keeps doing it. Its like her go to reaction. I can't parent in all the conventional ways as im not a conventional parent that had a decent upbringing. Any advice from anyone on how they parented with PTSD/Bipolar/anxiety dissorders or any other relevant illness is much appreciated. Any way i can teach her to respect my boundaries a bit better? I dont even know if thats reasonable to expect of a 4 (nearly 5) year old? Thankyou so much

Brad_Andrews Another newbie here - How do I support a sexual abuse survivor and myself?
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone. I'll be known as Brad on here but that's not my real name. I'm 55 and married to a wonderful woman who is a little older than myself. She is a survivor of a horrible sexual assault that occurred in her late teens. Since she confided in m... View more

Hi everyone. I'll be known as Brad on here but that's not my real name. I'm 55 and married to a wonderful woman who is a little older than myself. She is a survivor of a horrible sexual assault that occurred in her late teens. Since she confided in me about her assault we are both struggling with the ongoing consequences of what happened to her, and due to the deeply personal nature of the situation I have no one I can talk to or share my feelings with. To tell a friend or family member would be betraying the trust my wife has placed in me when she shared her story. So I'm hoping someone on here may be able to help point us in the right direction, because right now I'm hopelessly lost on how to deal with all of the emotions and thoughts that are going on, and we are seriously drifting apart as a couple. Cheers Brad

IreneJoy I’m new, Hi! How do you keep enduring (dealing with childhood sexual abuse)
  • replies: 5

Hi All, I unexpectedly had the sexual abuse I experienced as a child (7 - 12 years old) come back and “haunt” me with a terrible vengeance late last year. I had a bit of a breakdown really after a very challenging year my husband nearly died, a child... View more

Hi All, I unexpectedly had the sexual abuse I experienced as a child (7 - 12 years old) come back and “haunt” me with a terrible vengeance late last year. I had a bit of a breakdown really after a very challenging year my husband nearly died, a childhood friend murdered, multiple family medical challenges etc. The last last straw was me accidentally walking in front of a car and a long painful recovery. memories of my childhood sexual abuse hit me, became intrusive and I couldn’t deal with life very well any more. I reached out to my GP and have been seeing a psychologist since and am transitioning back to work again in a painfully slow process. I’m finding the process so unbelievably hard. So much shame, self-hatred and feelings that I should be doing better (given a whole lot of people experience worse). I also struggle with feelings that I am wasting the medical professionals time and should be able to get over this better and faster. I now have days where every moment is a struggle to endure. My GP has now suggested medication in addition to the psychological treatment - but I’m really afraid of the side effects and feel I should do better. I like my GP and psychologist and have a very supportive husband. Also good friends but I don’t want to lean on them as I don’t want to bring them down with me or frighten them off - I also don’t feel like I can talk about it easily as it might get back to my abuser and it feels unfair to his privacy. The problem is I have frightened myself recently with my thoughts that I really cannot take another minute of this mental pain. I don’t want my kids to see me in a bad way or to have to get by without me. My primary abuser was my 8 year older brother who was a teen at the time. He’s still in my life and I’m not able to let him know I’m dealing with this now but I can’t avoid him easily without bringing it up with him. Another family friend of similar age to him also (independently) abused me around the age of 8 or 9. I have had “new” memories resurface as part of this process that I hadn’t remembered the only other time this hit me (over 20 years ago when I was 18 or so). I don’t even know which of them was involved in the new memory. Up to now when memories appeared I shoved them away so quickly and I led a “normal” life. Any advice on how you’ve got through a similar spot in your journey would be so much appreciated- and how you made your decision as to medication or not as part of moving forward. Many thanks...

Andrew87 G'day! I'm dealing with some childhood trauma, and don't know what to do next.
  • replies: 4

G'day, I'm currently trying to dismantle some childhood trauma. The depression from this if left unchecked, leaves me unwilling to get out of bed or eat. I finally addressed the fact that in my first year of primary school, I was sexually assaulted r... View more

G'day, I'm currently trying to dismantle some childhood trauma. The depression from this if left unchecked, leaves me unwilling to get out of bed or eat. I finally addressed the fact that in my first year of primary school, I was sexually assaulted repeatedly for several months by the kids in grade six when I'd go to the bathroom. There were five of them, and they ended up getting expelled for their little "game". Instead of therapy, my mum just taught me to be afraid of strangers, that attraction was sinful and shameful, and that women all want to take everything you have and leave. These days she also says the world is flat, and Mars doesn’t exist because NASA made it up. I love her, but she's left me with a bit of trouble to deal with. Over the past few years, I've built this helpful routine. Partly on what I found on the beyond blue website actually: 1. Daily gym 2. LOTS of home cooking 3. Talk to friends and family, and asking for help 4. Projects I can discuss and be proud of 5. Having lots of guests over, to stay social 6. Journal a few times a week After reading a book on cognitive behavioural therapy last year, I decided to acclimatise myself the intimate side of life. It's working, and I'm more confident and fluent in conversations. My painful awkwardness is vanishing, and I can make flirty jokes and use public restrooms without feeling afraid. But as my work is simple labour, my mind wanders, and I switch from happy hope, to blind rage to disdain and loathing and back to pride and gratitude for those I am close to. Work is a sort of blast furnace of self-reflection and my performance is suffering to the point where I am at risk of being let go. My family and friends have been mentioning I'm not myself too. I've been tampering with substance abuse, as I'm desperate to overcome this. Losing 25kg however, really helped me stop hating myself. I don't know what to do next.

Gembug67 Childhood trauma - trigger warning
  • replies: 4

The first clear memory I have of being molested is when I was 3 , I can still smell the tobacco and remeber the feelings of shame . My mother was / is a child molester............I learnt very quickly to be quiet. As I got older , around 12 /13 I onc... View more

The first clear memory I have of being molested is when I was 3 , I can still smell the tobacco and remeber the feelings of shame . My mother was / is a child molester............I learnt very quickly to be quiet. As I got older , around 12 /13 I once questioned what they were doing to us , begged to be left alone only to be told I wasn't being open to experiences and new ideas ........ this is only a small snippet of what happened to me .....I have managed to run and hide from the memories for many years until recently when I had a break down , flashbacks, memories have been kicked into high gear ...... sometimes I feel like screaming at someone , do you know what it's like to be 13 and sexually abused and not be able to do anything about it , to feel helpless and ashamed and dirty and to watch him walk away like the cat that swallowed the cream ......... to be small and invisible is all I wanted , still do when I am triggered now ...feel like I'm treading water wanting to get better not really knowing how questioning every reaction I have as to whether it's a "normal" response or if it's me overreacting I don't even know how to explain this I have made so many bad decisions because of how I am and mostly I want to hide from the world but then I also know that to be healthy I have to push past my fears and start to live not just survive .....but how ????

InvisibleMe Bad memories coming back 50 years later
  • replies: 1

I don't know what to do. I was sexually abused by a trusted neighbour when I was about 9 years old. I blocked it out of my mind. I told no-one. I was brought up in a strict catholic family and would not have dared tell my mother or father. I felt it ... View more

I don't know what to do. I was sexually abused by a trusted neighbour when I was about 9 years old. I blocked it out of my mind. I told no-one. I was brought up in a strict catholic family and would not have dared tell my mother or father. I felt it must have been my fault. I became socially withdrawn. My parents were so strict I might have had one date in high school. I married young. My first child died of SIDS. I tried to keep my marriage going, having another three children. We separated twice. When I was 36 weeks pregnant with my last child he told me he was leaving when the baby was born. I knew he was seeing someone but, like always, I kept it to myself. We divorced. I had a very difficult middle child who went to live with his father's new family when he was eight years old.He returned when he was 17. I have had major health problems including two malignant cancers and severe asthma. I was diagnosed with the chronic pain of fibromyalgia about 8 years ago. However I made it to the top of my chosen profession until I had to resign due to illness. I set about getting my health back and have gone from strong pain killers to now being pain free. I've lost over 30 kg. I'm working full-time again. However, with all the media attention on sexual abuse it has brought back these unpleasant memories from my childhood. I find myself thinking about it most nights now and the impact I think it has had on my life. I disclosed part of the abuse once to my mother about five years ago and all she said was 'your father would have killed him.' Nothing else. I've always been a survivor but these thoughts are making me very sad. I find myself crying, and I'm not one to cry. I live alone (apart from my beautiful animals). I have friends but I don't want to talk about this part of my life with them. I can't understand why, so many many years later, I'm feeling like this. I've said more here than I've ever told anyone.

Guest_029 Stress Relief
  • replies: 3

My understanding of stress is that your events that are major, maybe minor to someone else and vice versa. That it is unmeasurable, the cause of health risk factors, that it is under addressed and I'm white. A while ago I read an artical about the co... View more

My understanding of stress is that your events that are major, maybe minor to someone else and vice versa. That it is unmeasurable, the cause of health risk factors, that it is under addressed and I'm white. A while ago I read an artical about the connection between TM meditation and the Dreaming and it's time for a refresh.

Xenomorph PTSD / Anxiety / ADD
  • replies: 1

Hello. I am 50 and always felt different. I was never like other people. My mother was abusive on every level: sexually, emotionally and physically. thankfully she is dead My first wife suffered from depression and took her own life in 2005 leaving m... View more

Hello. I am 50 and always felt different. I was never like other people. My mother was abusive on every level: sexually, emotionally and physically. thankfully she is dead My first wife suffered from depression and took her own life in 2005 leaving me with two children 2 and 4. I raised them on my own i met a new lady 4 years ago and we married. She kept telling me that there were some things that didn’t add up. So she arranged for me to have a brain scan i found out that I have a 99.5% chance of major head trauma. Clearly pre memory. Also entire parts of my brain never developed and other parts of my brain are running at 6 times normal frequency to compensate. The outcome is I have PTSD, anxiety (I knew about that one), ADD and borderline autism. I have been very successful with work but not my personal life. I feel completely worthless right now. I am so ashamed I have left my home and sleeping in my car. I just can’t face people. I can’t stop crying. I am not suicidal but I just feel so lost and discarded. Apparentky I don’t understand empathy and emotions which is a source of frustration for my current wife. I am questioning everything I feel abandoned

Dilliga PTSD?
  • replies: 9

Hi, new here and overwhelmed. I have bitten the bullet and decided to see someone, PTSD from an event over a decade ago which has finally caught up. Self medicated for years and didn’t acknowledge there was a problem until I got the ultimatum form th... View more

Hi, new here and overwhelmed. I have bitten the bullet and decided to see someone, PTSD from an event over a decade ago which has finally caught up. Self medicated for years and didn’t acknowledge there was a problem until I got the ultimatum form the wife and kids. Any one else in the same boat?